All Good Things
by Evil Asch
Summary: Jayden gets a second chance. Assigned a new case with a new version of ARI Jayden takes the first steps toward reclaiming his life only to have reality set in. M/E later J/E/M.
1. The Things We Think We Say

It broke him. Or, rather, it allowed inertia to run its course.

Norman Jayden had been broken before picking up the phone and agreeing to take the case. He'd been broken before getting worked over with a crowbar in a meat locker, nearly killed by a murderous convict with the strength of a psychotic gorilla, before getting his ass handed to him at a shitty club with a corpse as a witness, before breaking Ethan out of the police station, before risking his life in an attempt to save Scott Shelby, before walking into that police station... he had been broken for a very long time. Held together by ego and desperation.

The Origami Killer had provided the excuse he needed to stop trying, to let go, to allow the fragile scaffold holding his life together to finally fail.

His facade, his rhythm of competent expertise, was shot to shit, battered and bent into meaninglessness. The shakes and the distorted visions caused by Triptocaine withdrawal passed unnoticed. He was so utterly battered and beaten down by four life or death battles in less than as many days that no physician linked the tremors and nightmares to withdrawal. Why would they when his life was a bestselling true-crime novel full of sex, horror and macabre murder?

It wasn't until he publicly lost his shit at the office weeks later that anyone thought there might be more to his post-Scott Shelby condition than bruises and band aids.

There was an intervention, an ultimatum, several weeks at a quiet clinic and an expensive bottle of medication tucked into a stylized case. An antique he picked up at an out of the way shop one rainy afternoon. His file was stamped in red ink with the label 'PTSD' scattered throughout it. His withdrawal from the ARI program labeled 'due to outside job stresses' and if anyone ever put the pieces together it was never documented.

Six months after the death of Scott Shelby and the reunion of the Mars family Agent Norman Jayden was given his second chance.

* * *

><p>"Jayden you're a junkie head case fuck up." Special Agent Snaff said with all the warmth of a pissed off bulldog.<p>

Jayden pushed away from his desk and looked up at Snaff. Jayden's expression was blank, too tired, too drugged, too disinterested to muster even the barest expression for the hostile agent.

Snaff and Jayden were permanently assigned to sorting and cataloging cold case files and evidence in the basement of the Boise field office. Jayden stuck around mostly to fuck off his superiors. They couldn't fire him, his public profile was too high but they couldn't - or wouldn't - put him in the field again. Aside from his health problems the beatings he'd taken during the Origami Killer case had proven he was in dire need of remedial hand to hand training. So he rode a desk and spent his days mired in outdated minutiae.

The worst of it was the aching empty hole ARI had left behind. Like a missing tooth that was never replaced, just a bloody socket he poked with his metaphorical tongue every time he opened a new box of files. He knew he could digitize and compile the cases in minutes, could have the tired paperwork revamped and organized in an accessible and useful manner in a few weeks if only he had ARI. It was torture and the only thing that kept him coming in was the simple fact that he didn't have anything else in his life.

Snaff was a special Agent because he knew people and was just good enough at playing the political games that made the Bureau run to be an annoyance so he made rank, a classic case of fuck up move up. So he'd landed a cushy safe position to ride out until his pension matured in two years. Enter one Norman Jayden and Snaff's slack ass days of fucking around playing games on his phone and lying to superiors about his progress ground to a halt.

Now the two men spent their days circling each other like stiff legged junkyard dogs waiting for one or the other to bare a throat to be ripped out.

"Love you too." Jayden said neutrally as Snaff stood in front of him arms folded and jaw set.

"Your medical review is in two days fuckhead I hope you fail so hard and so fast they burn your personnel file and disavow you."

"Ah Snaff, you know that won't happen, hell they keep your useless ass around and at least I get shit done."

Snaff moved closer to Jayden arms folded over his gut eyes narrowing to belligerent piggy pinpricks in the wide expanse of his pale flesh.

"Two o'clock on Tuesday asshole."

Norman smiled at Snaff an empty stretching of pale skin over too-large teeth.

* * *

><p>Tuesday came, Norman appeared at the appointed time dressed in his second best suit, hair freshly cut, medical file in hand, or at least a USB drive containing the file in his jacket pocket. The board usually consisted of two physicians and a field agent. This time there were a few more suits.<p>

"Agent Norman Jayden, BAU, special projects." A woman announced when he entered. He felt cartoonish and falsely important as he walked up to them. Truth was he was a talented paper pusher too bullheaded and dogged to know when to quit. He wasn't an especially good agent but he was a hell of a closer when it came to difficult cases bogged down with an abundance of conflicting evidence. He had an analytical mind and an instinct for logic but he was shit with people.

All that said, losing his shit, being exposed as an addict –albeit the powers that be had done their damndest to cover it up - risking the ARI project, and exposing the Bureau to a fuck ton of liability issues would almost certainly outweigh his usefulness. Half of what he'd done on the Origami Case, well half of what was actually on the record anyway, could result in criminal charges. Of course there were the twin problems of Carter Blake and Perry being the worst kind of police, facts that had been exposed by Jayden and allowed a lot of the dubious 'police' work on the case to fall on their shoulders.

Jayden stood there shoulders back head high almost positive that he would be walking out a civilian with a medical pension. He could live with that, he had made the decisions that lead to this moment and never apologized for them. For their results, Shaun Mars' survival and the failure of his career...he also made no apologies.

"We've reviewed your medical file. We've reviewed your personnel file. We've reviewed your achievements. We've reviewed the progress you made in the ARI program. We've weighed the pros and cons of keeping you on with the Bureau, we've weighed the pros and cons of firing you and the media frenzy that could produce. We've spoken to everyone you've worked with in the Bureau from the moment you signed your paperwork and arrived at Quantico to Special Agent Snaff." The oldest of the males in the group said crisply. Jayden swallowed and stilled the urge to set his shoulders back and change his stance. He was not here to be defensive or belligerent, he would listen to the verdict and get on with his life.

"Frankly Agent Jayden there is no clear cut decision to make. You're a messy problem." The man finished and glanced at his companions. Norman found he couldn't remember the man's name, or any of the others', he knew them, had known one or two for years could remember how they'd met, how they'd worked together but not their names. He felt panic and despair clawing at him and clenched his fists at his sides using the pain of his nails against the soft flesh of his paper-pusher hands to focus and ground him.

"So we're giving you a last chance Agent Jayden. A case, in the field, with a partner, you're scheduled to undergo a series of medical tests and if you prove out you'll be issued with a modified ARI before departure. Your first test is in half an hour."

Norman didn't argue or ask questions just took the address handed to him by the agent outside the door. A second chance…and with ARI. Modified? To what end?

His mind churned as he drove to the clinic. He entered and was immediately directed to an exam room. After a timeless yet endless wait spent shivering in a thin paper gown and studying a depressingly bland painting of a country home overrun with roses Doctor Miles Lovell entered. Lovell had been instrumental in the early design of the original ARI program. He studied Norman for a long moment before approaching him.

"Jayden." He said neutrally.

"Doc." Jayden replied.

Lovell took Norman's vitals and ran him through a few balance and sensation tests.

"Well, all in all you've recovered better than you have any right to." Lovell sighed.

"Don't sound so excited doc."

"You're still taking your medication?"

"Like clockwork and I haven't gone near Triptocaine since before the first crime scene on the Origami Killer case." Lovell knew about Jayden's full medical history, had been one of the few after his condition became clear to treat Jayden exactly the same as before Jayden's fall from grace.

"That's not quite true. Your medication is a maintenance dose of Triptocaine in a slow release form with a half dozen counteragents to dull the high of the compound and eventually wean you from it entirely." Lovell said gently.

Jayden went very still, "You mean all this time I've still been taking Tripto?" He asked icily.

"Merely as a palliative Agent, if you had gone cold turkey much longer the withdrawal effects coupled with ARI's lingering impact would have permanently damaged your neurological functions."

"And you want me to start using ARI again?" Norman snapped getting to his feet and suddenly feeling ridiculous in the paper gown.

"What you or I want is irrelevant Agent. Fact is you're a savant with ARI and the program needs you. You close cases and save lives with it. Something about you, your personality, psychological profile, biology, _something_ meshes with ARI in a way we haven't seen with any other candidates. Unfortunately due to your Triptocaine dependence we can't be entirely sure just what aspect of remarkable-you the system is bonding with or why it's so effective with you alone. Until we do we're going to keep studying you and allowing you access to ARI."

"Allowing me access? You're the people that called me down here to hop on the roller-coaster again. I'm fine without ARI doc." Jayden snapped and reached for his clothes.

"Please, Agent, think about it. What else are you going to do? Shuffle papers with Snaff or someone worse? Medically retire and write your memoirs? This is what you _are_ somewhat literally I'm afraid. Yes, we'll be using you but think of what you can achieve with ARI. You managed to save the Mars family while suffering crippling withdrawals, you endured what three? Four? Beatings and walked away and are still strong enough to engage ARI again. You're unique Agent Jayden and we need you. There are a lot of terrible people out there, people you can capture with ARI."

"Bullshit Doc, saving people is a useful side effect you want me back so you can study me. Don't feed me shit and tell me its prime steak."

"Agent Jayden, we do want to study you and ARI, of course we do but the entire goal of this project from day one was to save lives and capture evil men and women. You are the best candidate the program has ever seen –"

"What about Tripto?"

Lovell looked grave and sad. Jayden noted the older man's sloped shoulders, his slightly shuffling gait as he moved to the sink and counter on one side of the room, set Jayden's file down and removed his glasses. He slowly sat at the chair next to the exam table and regarded Jayden with hard eyes.

"If you stay on your medication you're on track to be sober and free of the maintenance dose in six months."

"So you're saying I'm clean? I can use ARI again?"

"According to our tests yes. Agent Jayden…I don't want to scare you but if you go back on Tripto while using ARI you'll die, if you go back on Tripto without ARI you'll die. Best case scenario is a massive aneurysm worst case is a crippling stroke, you could lose all mobility, end up trapped in your own body a drooling mess for what's left of your life."

"Drooling mess, that's not very PC doc."

"It's true Jayden, I want you to understand that if you choose to take that shit again it will end your life as you know it." Lovell said harshly dull gray eyes momentarily lighting up with real emotion.

"Give me a day to think about it." Jayden said sliding off the table and reaching for his clothes. Lovell nodded and retrieved the file, spared one last glance for Jayden then left. Jayden knew before he finished dressing that his answer was yes.

* * *

><p>He waited to call Lovell until the next day, Snaff had been furious and disgusted when Jayden walked in that morning. He had mumbled something about making a call and disappeared into his office while Jayden grinned aggressively at him.<p>

"Lovell, I'm in." Jayden said as the familiar gruff voice answered.

"You're certain?" The question was perfunctory.

"What do you think?"

"Come to the clinic now we'll verify yesterday's tests and outfit you with a new unit."

Jayden hung up and automatically reached for an empty file box to pack his desk, then realized there wasn't a damn thing in that office, hell that building, that he wanted to take with him.

Lovell met him at the entrance to the clinic, drew three vials of blood and took his vitals.

"Right well, the new interface has two gloves and smaller eyepieces, Agent Naymith is an expert on the improved interface, she will walk you through the basic tutorial, you'll have a couple hours to get used to it before you'll need to catch a cab for your flight."

"Right my new case, I don't suppose you know anything about it?"

"It's time critical and politically sensitive." Lovell said escorting Norman to another room.

"Of course it is." Jayden sighed.

Naymith was an older woman, stout but not fat, solid. She handed him an unmarked white box without comment. He opened it and revealed a sleek pair of sunglasses and two innocuous black gloves that appeared to be made from some kind of rubberized cloth with lighter colored patches on each finger and the thumb.

"Put it on." Naymith said jarring Jayden from his observations.

Jayden realized, with surprise, that he was afraid. Frowning at the feeling he carefully slipped on the gloves and then taking a slow breath slipped the glasses on.

Immediately the world broke into pieces and recombined with a semi opaque gray layer over it.

"There's a voice interface option as well, you'll need to vocalize your menu choices."

"Can it be turned off?"

"Yes but you'll need to use the voice menu for seventy two hours after activation."

"Why?"

She didn't reply. Jayden suspected it was a safety feature, if he started babbling nonsense when trying to ask ARI to run a chemical analysis or identity trace they would know to pull him out of the system.

An hour and a half later Jayden left the clinic after accepting his go-bag and an airline ticket from Lovell, and climbed into a cab. ARI sat in the inside pockets of his suit coat. The gym bag with his essentials sat at his feet and he almost felt normal.

It wasn't until he was on his flight, in-flight magazine open on his lap, that he felt the first itching longing for Tripto. Jayden licked his lips, pulled his tired eyes from the glossy magazine page and focused on the wing of the plane outside his window.

Tripto, the old siren song. He shook his head and ground his teeth in frustration. He had done his own research, knew that Lovell hadn't been lying had, if anything, been soft pedaling the risks. So he picked up the magazine and read every word in every inane article until the craving's teeth had dulled.

He was met at the airport by a dapper young agent, bright eyed and eager she lead him through security with a flash of her badge and out to a black American made sedan parked at the curb.

"Why the VIP treatment?" He asked.

"This case…it's prickly."

"Fill me in."

"Here." She said opening the driver's side door, she stood and handed Jayden a file. He accepted it, tossed his bag into the back seat and got in after it.

"Kids." He said hollowly but unsurprised. If this was meant to be a test it was a beauty, what an excellent decision to test the questionable but potentially useful Agent Norman Jayden by assigning him to a case rife with political tension, with a definite timeline to the death of the latest victim and oh while we're at it, let's make sure it's a fucking copycat of the Origami Killer.

Jayden felt ashes fill his mouth while a high pitched whining buzz filled his ears and his world narrowed and focused like a laser on the image in the file. A ten year old boy, son of the local politically active millionaire, kidnapped by party/ies unknown, the latest in a string of such kidnappings only unlike the Origami Killer these boys weren't drowned. They died of dehydration, evidently imprisoned without water until dead then abandoned in public parks.

Jayden read the file, memorized it, then read it again with ARI active and took notes, ran leads, compared names and crosschecked every damn thing he could think of.

By the time the sedan reached the local police department he had a pretty good idea of who was behind it. He also had a pretty good idea that he had been set up or his luck was the worst kind.

"We're here Agent." The eager young agent said as she parallel parked. Jayden found himself wondering when he had last done that as he extricated himself from the sedan and retrieved his bag and the file. He was still wearing ARI, he took off the glasses but kept the gloves on.

"Do you have any questions about the file?" She asked as he tucked the ARI glasses into his jacket.

"Mr. Harwell, the father, is he in the station?"

"Yes sir he hasn't left since arriving to report the crime."

"Good, arrest him."

"Sir?"

"He's the killer."

She blinked at him, deer in the headlights, he felt a stab of frustration nearly force cruelty from him. He blamed his nerves, the trip, adjusting to ARI again, took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

"David Harwell is the killer."

"Based on what sir?" She asked skeptically. He stared at her feeling a headache settling into the back of his skull. He made himself remember her name Amber Marklane. Jayden knew his reputation in the Bureau, a burn out desk jockey with no business in the field, unreliable and suspect. He knew this woman was sharp and ambitious, knew he was about to fuck up her career and end his own. But there was a child's life at stake.

"David Harwell is facing a major indictment, two of his three major corporations are about to fail, he started killing on impulse likely driven by the stress of the impending proceedings, the first boys were sheer luck, he took them because he had access and no one thought twice about it."

"Why take his own son?"

"He's not close to the boy, after his wife's death the boy was raised by nannies and boarding school, Harwell took him because he could and he'll use the sympathy of the press to his advantage when his empire comes tumbling down in three to six months, use the tragedy of his son's death as an excuse for his failure."

"Evidence?"

Jayden smiled coldly. "I've transmitted it to the local D.A. your field office, the ARI program leads, and you."

She stared at him, not suspicious and not surprised, an evaluative gaze, then nodded.

"Okay, you want the honors?" She asked snagging her cuffs from her belt and offering them to him.

He took them and entered the station. Behind him he heard her make a cell call. He licked his lips and kept moving.

Harwell was in the only office yelling at a man in a neatly pressed khaki uniform. Jayden assumed he was the elected Sheriff, the officer looked furious and exhausted. Harwell was frothing, face red as he yelled. Jayden picked up something about a lawsuit before he opened the door to the office interrupting the tirade.

"Sherrif, Mr. Harwell, I'm federal Agent Norman Jayden. Mr. Harwell could you turn around please?" Harwell looked stunned, speechless at being interrupted. He glanced at the Sheriff, Jayden snaked a foot out between Harwell's legs and kicked the man's feet aside putting him off balance and slipped behind him, snapped a cuff on his wrist and declared, "David Harwell, you are under arrest for the murders of Sam Lark, Timothy Stevens and the attempted murder of Trevor Harwell." Harwell gaped like a fish as Norman recited his Miranda rights to him.

The sheriff didn't intervene only watched Jayden with tired hooded eyes either too shocked to intervene or believing Jayden's charges. Jayden handed a freshly screaming Harwell off to his companion Agent Marklane and regarded the Sheriff.

"Did you know?" Jayden asked calmly though he felt like breaking something.

"No, knew he was a son of a bitch but didn't know this." The Sheriff was overweight, skin red and battered by the local dry climate and harsh sun, but there was iron under the meat and decay. Hard faded eyes and a worn pistol holster on his hip belied his good ol' boy façade.

"You believe the charge?"

"Seeing that asshole's face when you gave him the treatment? Yeah, yeah I do."

"We still have time to find Trevor."

"You got a plan?" The sheriff asked calmly.

"I need an empty room as many maps of the local area as you can get on short notice and one hour." Jayden snapped reaching for ARI.

As the comforting flood of pixels warped the world into something he felt he knew and could control he followed the still-nameless sheriff out of his office, through the crowded but now shocked-silent bull pen to an interrogation room.

Jayden used ARI to bring up a rough map of the local area and began a cursory examination.

"ARI, locate Harwell owned land in the area, highlight green." He ordered.

The Sheriff entered a few moments later with a stack of maps and a deputy on his heels. "These are the best we've got Agent, Jim here is an avid hunter, knows the land hereabouts better than anyone he can answer any questions you might have."

"Thank you Sheriff, Deputy feel free to have a seat." Jayden said studying the map ARI had created for him.

"Deputy could you read the names of those maps out loud please? ARI, download and display listed maps." Jayden ordered. The deputy read through the maps, a half dozen in all, and as he did so ARI populated its rough map with more detail and extrapolated a three dimensional representation of the terrain.

"ARI extrapolate likely location of Trevor Harwell." He waited, the deputy apparently confused but willing to remain silent looked on.

"ARI, display results, project ." Jayden demanded.

A new feature was the ability to independently project data without requiring access to a projector.

Jim studied the map ARI displayed on the blank fly specked wall of the interrogation room opposite the observation window/mirror. There were four locations highlighted each had a glowing number floating next to it.

"Anything look likely to you Deputy Jim?"

"Just Jim agent." The man said wryly and squinted at the map.

Jayden nodded.

"Now this here is an old mining shack, barely anything to it, just a roof really, could leave the boy there but he'd be dead in a day, most of these poor kids lasted three or four days."

"ARI disregard location one."

"Anything else Jim?"

"Now, all I got to go on here is m'gut really but if I had to choose I'd go with number four."

Jayden studied the fourth location. A wide spot in an abandoned logging road, it had the advantages of isolation, multiple buildings, and it was deep on Harwell corporation owned land. Jayden nodded.

"ARI contact the local field office, patch through to operations, route to my cell." He ordered and pulled the phone off his belt.

"Deputy I'm sure you and your compatriots know this land better than our agents, would you mind leading the raid?"

It was Jayden's attempt to be diplomatic, it also made sense. Jim's eyes lit up and he nodded once.

The assault was successful the boy was found, cold and dead for two hours at least. Dispirited and aged by years the agents and deputies returned to the small town and started the sad business of wrapping up the case and preparing for court.

Jayden returned to the interrogation room and began gathering up the maps to return them to the sheriff while mentally composing his final report. The door opened softly and Jayden twisted in place to see who had entered.

The Sheriff regarded him gravely.

"I know who you are son." He said.

Jayden nodded expecting to have a new hole torn in his hide for his arrogance, for his incompetence, for being a drug addict and a waste of space.

"You risked your life to save that Mars boy, were here less than an hour and you had that bastard cuffed and the Harwell boy halfway found." The sheriff said softly. He shifted his weight and regarded Jayden with a steady gaze.

Jayden just stared at the Sheriff.

"What I'm trying to say son is I don't know if you're a lunatic, a liability, or any of the other crap the media wrote or said about you, but I do know this, you're damn good at your job and I'm grateful you were here."

Jayden felt an unexpected lump in his throat, regarded it with dismay, opened his mouth to thank the sheriff and discovered his voice had fled.

"Just felt you needed to hear that from me. Let my deputies know if you need anything afore you go." He concluded gruffly and left Jayden in peace.

Jayden felt a tear on his cheek, wiped at it with two fingers, looked at it glistening on the ARI glove and then at the door. Absolution provided by a hard but fair stranger and another dead child. Jayden left the station, walked to the sedan, the Amber was waiting for him, her expression tired and resigned. As he got into the sedan he thought he heard thunder in the distance.


	2. Reset

In retrospect Jayden should have known that Harwell wouldn't lie down and face life in prison or an execution. Not with his money and power. Of course, in retrospect, _everything_ is clearer.

First there were the lawyers, then the lawsuits, accusations, motions of discovery, the publicizing of portions of his personnel file, the Mars case was dragged into the media again and in the end he was given an administrative leave of absence and Harwell's conviction was dropped down to manslaughter.

Manslaughter for the deaths of three children including his own son. Manslaughter. Jayden started to spiral downwards. Three months after cuffing Harwell in a backwater sheriff's office, three months after finding another dead kid, Jayden was riding a stool in his neighborhood bar and trying to decide if getting utterly shit faced would jeopardize his Tripto sobriety. With Lovell's grudging oversight he had cold turkey'd his maintenance medication a month previously. His administrative leave was transitioning to termination for cause thanks to his detractors and embarrassing public profile. Termination for cause would end any chance of a career with any law enforcement agency.

"Hey stranger." Irritated by the laziness of the pickup line he turned to snarl at the working girl he assumed had uttered it only to come face to face with Madison Paige.

He was shocked into silence. She grinned and stole his glass of scotch downed it and regarded him solemnly. "Agent Norman Jayden." She said gravely though her eyes gleamed with amusement.

"Madison Paige come to drive the last nails into my career's coffin?" He growled venomously and turned back to the bar.

Her face clouded and she set the glass onto the bar hard enough to crack it."Fuck you Jayden, I'm the only one out there defending you." She snapped.

"Why? Because it sells more books? More hits on your blog? Are you here to interview me for your follow up?" He hissed feeling the hate and poison he'd been carrying for weeks vomit forth.

"I guess I deserve that." She sighed and gestured at the bartender.

"Scotch, neat, make that two." She said steadily while glancing at Jayden.

"Why are you here Madison?" He asked wearily though he accepted the drink.

"I thought you might need a friend." She said flushing slightly, suddenly unable to meet his eyes. Her cool exterior finally cracking. He wondered if it was a calculated act of vulnerability.

"Friend? Since when the fuck are we friends? I barely _know_ you." He snapped suddenly vicious, he felt like dumping his helpless rage on her but bit it back. She wasn't to blame for his situation not entirely.

"And that's my fault Jayden but I know what you did for Ethan and Shaun I know what kind of man you are and the press doesn't, worse, they aren't even interested. You sell more hits and copies as an unstable renegade."

"You aren't a member of the press anymore? Look Madison, I'm a fucking drug addicted unstable political liability as far as the FBI is concerned. They will never bring me back to active duty and no police force in the country is going to accept me as a desk sergeant let alone an investigator, I'm fucked. The last thing I need is you swooping in to make me your cause celebre."

"Look, Jayden, I owe you my life, so do Shaun and Ethan, this isn't an act of charity or a way to publicize my next book –"

"So you _are_ writing one." He hissed, downed his drink and rose from his seat, the impotent anger hot in his throat, tightening his chest. He felt tears sting his eyes and flushed in rage at the weakness of them.

"Wait!" Madison said grabbing his arm and pulling him slightly off balance. The booze, the anger, and the fact that he wasn't sure when he had last eaten combined and he was hit with a dizzy spell. He grabbed her arm to steady himself, feeling his stomach lurch, and his head swim.

He felt Madison's hand on his back, her sharp voice ordering someone out of the way, a harsh comment from the bartender, then icy air on his face and the familiar swishing roar of traffic on a wet street.

"Just breathe." Madison soothed. He resented her presence as much as he was grateful for it, he settled for focusing on his breathing and quashing his anger.

"What do you actually want from me Madison?" He asked sitting on the curb, looking up at her. She was haloed by the streetlight, standing hipshot, face obscured in shadow.

"Come back to Ethan's with me. Meet Shaun, take some time to recover from all this."

"And let you interview me?"

"Would that be so bad?" She asked softly.

"So food and board in exchange for baring my soul to a stranger? Yeah no that sounds fucking swell Madison."

"Goddamnit Norman you don't even have to talk to me, hell everything will be off the record until you say otherwise, okay?"

"Madison I just…" He couldn't find the right words.

What _did_ he want? Ideally his old job back and a clean slate but that wasn't possible so what then? His rent was a month overdue he was going to be evicted in a week or two, he had nothing he could pawn to make rent and even if he did he would face the same problem in another couple weeks. He had never been good with people and consequently didn't have any close friends he could turn to. He was the black sheep of his family – what was left of it. His little sister had thrown him out of her house four years ago when he demanded she dump her drug dealing boyfriend, his mother was dead and father….

"Fuck alright Madison." He sighed scrubbing his face and finally allowing himself to understand how fucked he waqs. He felt a sudden sharp craving for Tripto, like hunger pangs in the marrow of his bones.

"Come on." She said and offered him her hand.

* * *

><p>Madison and Ethan had managed to patch up their relationship after Shaun's rescue. Ethan had forgiven her subterfuge in the face of her courage and determination to save Shaun but it had taken time and work. A policy of absolute honesty was the only way they had managed to rebuild trust. Love had always been present but after the collapse of his marriage to Grace and Grace's suspicions and blame after Shaun's disappearance Ethan couldn't tolerate secrets or suspicions. He knew it was neurotic but Madison rarely gave him shit over it and as time went on he relaxed into the trust they were building.<p>

"They're excited to see you." Madison said as she pulled into the parking garage for their building.

"You okay?" Madison asked gently after Jayden didn't respond.

"I'm never okay Madison." He said wryly and flashed her a weak smile. He was freaking out quietly, calmly, and with hardly a visible sign but freaking out nonetheless.

"Norman you don't have to –" She started to say gently.

"Really Madison I'm fine, we shouldn't keep them waiting." He said unbuckling his seat belt and ignoring his own panic. He was a master at compartmentalizing and he was going to stuff his panic and fear into his gut and get through this. Jesus what the fuck was he worried about anyway? Ethan and Shaun owed him their lives, they weren't going to hurt him.

Madison gave Jayden a long look then sighed and got out of the car. She was surrounded by complicated men.

The building was nice Jayden decided, an older brick building that looked like it had started life as a warehouse, each floor was rented individually, Madison and Ethan had the top floor. He glanced at Madison as they walked to the elevator.

"They're expecting us; Ethan said Shaun is excited to meet you properly." Madison said with an encouraging smile.

Norman wasn't sure what Shaun knew about him, or remembered. The boy had been beyond exhausted and borderline hypothermic when his father had pulled him from the storm drain, Norman wasn't even sure if Shaun had seen him during the rescue.

"I… does he know who I am?"

She laughed. "He knows, he's old enough to pay attention to the news, but we've told him the truth about you." He frowned at that caveat. So the boy had his head filled with false news stories and hero worshipping half truths. Awesome.

"Okay and what was that?" He asked stiffly his defenses slamming into place.

"That you risked your life to save him, you're a good man and the media have a lot of things wrong. That Harwell is a bad man with a lot of money."

"Yeah." Jayden agreed distractedly. He wasn't sure if that was true, he was so turned around that he wasn't sure what the hell was true anymore, the media image of him as a wacked out rogue agent with an insane obsession and vendetta or the dedicated agent wronged by the press. It didn't matter, he decided, none of it did, he was here now, he would make the best of it, he would start over. Again.

Madison lifted the gate on the elevator and waited for him to step aboard; he complied and watched her hit a button labeled Mars.

"Security?"

"Best on the market."

"How…is Ethan adjusting?"

"For a while he would have a panic attack whenever Shaun was out of sight we had a tutor coming for a few weeks but Shaun went back to school last month. The tutor was a good idea anyway; now that the story has been out of the news for a while the kids are adjusting to him a lot easier."

"Yeah it would suck to be infamous in a new school." Jayden agreed.

"You sure you're okay with this?" Madison asked.

"It beats living under a bridge." He said and smiled at her nervous glance. Inside his head he was cackling, no he was absofuckinglutely not sure about this or any other goddamn thing but it beat a cardboard box.

"You don't talk to your family?" Madison asked carefully.

"It…never really mattered before." Jayden admitted as Madison inserted a key and hit the button to the top floor then pulled the key free.

They arrived at their floor, Jayden felt himself tense, cut a glance at Madison and draw a sharp short breath, holding it for a moment then letting it out as the door opened.


	3. Compassion

Shaun was doing his homework when his father rose and walked to the window, looked down at the street and smiled. He didn't know how his father did it, how he knew when Madison was coming back, knew just when to walk to the window and see her car turn off the busy street and into the parking garage. But he liked it, liked knowing that his father was happy with her, that they were happy together.

He watched his father at the window, face lit with sunlight. Ethan was still pale, still thin, but he radiated peace and confidence. Across the room from where Shaun sat was his father's office area, a drafting table and computer with a desk piled high with books and papers. On the drafting table was a rough sketch of an office block, on the wall above it was the long unfinished concept art that his father had been working on when Jason was killed.

Jason glanced back at his father as he turned from the window.

"Homework done?"

"Almost."

"Finish it up and I'll check it while you wash up for dinner, okay?"

"Okay. Dad?"

"Yeah?" Ethan asked smiling as he walked into the kitchen area and pulled three glasses from the cupboard and reached for a bottle of scotch.

"Agent Jayden is coming with Madison right?"

"That's the plan."

"Where will he stay?"

"We have the guest room."

"Right."

"Are you nervous about meeting him Shaun?"

"Maybe?" He said blushing slightly. Ethan smiled and set the liquor aside, walked to his son and knelt at his side.

"Don't be nervous Shaun, Norman is a good man and he needs us right now, it might be hard to have a stranger here but he's family and we'll adjust in time. I'm proud of you Shaun, you know Madison and I weren't sure about asking him to stay here at first."

"Why?"

"Well we were worried about you and our lives, how we could make room for him –"

"But he saved us." Shaun said indignantly.

Ethan laughed and hugged his son.

"That's right and you made us change our minds."

"I did? How?"

"Do you remember when we were watching TV after Madison left for her interviews?"

"The news was saying mean stuff about him."

"That's right and you got upset and said you were worried about him."

"So …that's why you and Madison changed your minds?"

"You're just a kid Shaun but you knew he needed someone. You have a good heart Shaun, I'm very proud of you." He hugged the boy again.

"I love you Dad."


	4. Prologue to

Madison breezed through the door like it was nothing while Jayden watched her.

Like coming home, Norman thought wildly and caught a derisive snort in his throat, coughed once or twice and looked away from the door. He glanced back at it furtively as though this time it would show the snowy forests of Narnia and not the stylish sun drenched kitchen of Madison and Ethan's home.

Narnia failed to appear.

"Hey." Madison said warmly and wrapped her arms around Ethan's waist hugging him from behind; his forearms were buried in suds and hot water.

"Are you taking liberties Ms. Paige?" He asked.

"At every opportunity Mr. Mars."

Norman felt like he was watching a commercial for life insurance. Only it was all _real_.

"I'm going to check on Norman's room." She said and kissed Ethan on the cheek as he reached for a cloth to dry his hands.

"Hey, welcome." Ethan said as Norman entered the apartment and turned to close the door behind him. Four deadbolts and two chains greeted him.

"Is this a high crime neighborhood?" He asked lightly and immediately regretted it. Idiot Norman master of analysis had fucked up and prepared foot tartar again. Ethan looked startled and almost panicked for a moment then he swapped to a forced smile.

"I –"

"Your room's this way Norman, there' s a set of keys on the bureau they're for the building, elevator, and apartment. Pain in the ass but secure." Madison said as she re-entered the main living area. She paused and looked at the men and raised an eyebrow at Ethan.

"Norman noticed the locks, its fine." Ethan said in a stilted but calm tone.

"Ah, well, all things considered we're a little bit security conscious. Or y'know borderline obsessive." Madison joked easily.

Ethan relaxed slightly and Norman nodded once sharply then shifted his weight from foot to foot before clearing his throat.

"Right, uh I should…unpack." He said and flashed a nervous grin at his hosts and new roommates.

Norman beat a hasty retreat to his new room praying he wasn't actually blushing as he fled. Once in the room he let out a low appreciative whistle. It was all clean lines and good taste, a sliding glass door opened onto a balcony with a table and reclining padded seat. The room itself was almost a studio apartment, the bathroom alone was larger than his first apartment. The bureau held, as promised, a set of keys lying in a home-made ceramic bowl. Norman tucked the keys into his jacket pocket and picked up the bowl. He could see tiny fingerprints in the portions of the clay that hadn't been covered in quite enough glaze. The bowl itself was uneven but serviceable and painted in an almost painfully bright red shade.

Norman smiled and carefully, almost reverently set the bowl back onto the dark wood bureau. He looked at his lone battered bag, the empty bureau and spacious closet and felt a weird pang of homesickness.

Which was bizarre because he had hated his over-priced apartment and had never really felt home anywhere. Shaking his head, blaming stress he shoved the painful throb of nostalgia aside and began to unpack. As he was folding the bag to put it away in a bottom drawer of the bureau a light tap rang out from the door.

"Come in." He called.

"Hey there's towels in the cupboard in the bathroom and some toiletries in the top drawer. Ethan wasn't sure what you would need or prefer so we got a few things."

"Oh, that's…really considerate." He said softly, surprised at the thoughtful gesture.

"You okay? I know this is a lot to deal with." Madison said.

Norman relaxed a bit. "Yeah, it is. I…well I've lived alone since I graduated from the Academy. So it's just odd is all."

"Right because that's all that's weird about this." She teased.

"In my life?" He countered with a gleam in his eye.

"There you are!" She said with a grin, "Listen, take your time okay? Shaun is finishing his homework with Ethan in the kitchen. We're ordering pizza in an hour or so. It's been a long day, feel free to take a hot shower and hit the sack." She said gently.

All at once his raw rage was back. He held himself very still and looked past and through her, recognizing the blind rage as wholly, wildly, inappropriate. With enormous effort he managed to smile and say something banal and comforting to get her out of the room. Locking the door after her he snatched a heavy down pillow and buried his face in it, letting out a hoarse roar. All that penetrated the pillow, the heavily insulated walls, and surprisingly heavy door was a low brief growl that could have passed for a neighbor flushing a toilet. If Ethan and Madison actually had neighbors.

The noise of Norman losing his shit in the face of kindness was muffled by the radio playing in the main area as Ethan and Shaun tackled long division and state history.

"This is dumb, why do I need this?"

"Why? Well okay let's say you're going to a baseball game with your class, there's thirty people in your class including you, the tickets are paid for but you have vouchers for food and drinks. You have to make sure everyone in the class gets an equal share. How do you know who gets what without division?"

"I know about division Dad but I can do all this on my phone."

Ethan started to laugh, then he started to cry, only to return to great bellows of breathless laughter punctuated with wheezing.

"Dad!" Shaun said indignantly.

Drawn from their shared room by the racket Madison appeared dressed only in a bathrobe.

"What's so funny?" She asked running a towel over her short damp hair.

While an offended and annoyed Shaun explained Ethan managed to control his laughter and apologize.

Madison soothed Shaun's wounded pride. "Hey Shaun, why don't you go knock on Norman's door, if he answers see what kind of pizza he likes." She suggested gently.

Shaun looked hesitant for a moment then nodded fiercely and trotted to Norman's door.

Norman was lying fully clothed on the queen sized bed. One hand in his jacket pocket idly fingering the keychain he'd been gifted. He was staring at the ceiling and trying to decide between not moving ever again or making the effort to take a ridiculously long bath in the grand bathroom.

A light knock, so quiet he wasn't sure he'd heard it until it came again drew his attention.

"Come in." He called expecting it to be Madison with another friendly olive branch or maybe Ethan.

Instead a boy stood there, silhouetted in the sunlight spilling in from the main living area. His dirty blonde hair had grown darker to a true brown. His gentle features were leaner as he had shed some of his baby fat as he'd grown over the months. He was taller too. Still, Norman could see the boy he'd ruined his life to save in the person before him.

"Shaun." He said softly, almost reverently and slowly sat up on his elbows.

"Uh Madison wants to know what pizza you like." He said quickly, staring at Norman in that unselfconscious way only the elderly and children can get away with.

"I…Hawaiian I guess." Norman said after an awkward pause during which he realized he was staring at Shaun in the same way. Shaun turned to close the door content with the reply.

"Shaun wait!" Norman said, suddenly irrationally terrified at the thought of the boy leaving his sight. He looked up at Norman with dark colorless eyes, haloed by sunlight the way Madison had been haloed by the streetlight days before.

"How…uhm what pizza do you like?"

"Pepperoni of course." He said and closed the door.

"Pepperoni, naturally." Norman said with a small smile

"Mr. Jayden said Hawaiian." Shaun said proudly casual as he returned to the table. Madison had poured scotch for herself and Ethan and placed a pitcher of juice on the table for Shaun.

"So, long division." Ethan said gravely as his son sat down.

"Fiiiiine." Shaun whined dramatically.


	5. Waking Up

He dreamed that night, safe and secure in the Mars' fortress. He dreamed most nights but was too exhausted, or pharmaceutically assisted to remember or react properly.

Not tonight.

He dreamed of ankle deep mud, smooth soled loafers worse than useless, Mad Jack trying to kill him... Again. Only this time he wasn't fast enough, didn't avoid the crushing blows, didn't free his weapon from the glove compartment, didn't get out of the car fast enough.

He woke up screaming when the car began to collapse under the force of the compactor as he watched from a bird's view as the savagely efficient teeth of the machinery shredded his body as it dissected his rental car with him in it.

Madison burst into his room with Ethan at her side, Shaun wriggled past them both and stood watching, eyes huge in his pale face.

"Wha- oh shit, oh Jesus I'm sorry I –" Norman stammered instinctively scuttling away from Shaun's concerned face and coughing at the rawness in his throat from the scream.

"It's okay Norman." Madison soothed, Ethan gently pulled Shaun away from Norman and whispered something to him. The boy nodded and hurried off.

"It's a rare night when one of us doesn't have a nightmare." Ethan said gently.

"I, god I'm sorry, did I wake you up?"

"No, it's Friday. Shaun was reading late and we were watching a movie, would you like to join us?" Madison asked casually.

Norman laughed shakily. "I feel like an asshole." He sighed. Madison smiled and shook her head, dismissing his comment then glanced at Ethan and quietly excused herself.

"Listen, Jayden, honestly here you're just another one of us okay? You don't have to be a hero cop, you don't have to do this alone. And y'know you're not alone. Not anymore. You think Madison and I didn't have shit in our lives before this? You know how we met at the motel? She's a chronic insomniac partially due to her time reporting in the Middle East. Don't even get me started on the shit I went through growing up. Point is you belong here, with us. We came to you because we want and need you. Like it or not pal you're family."

Norman felt shell shocked. The lingering panic and terror of the dream souring his mood, he couldn't quite process and accept what Ethan was saying.

"You mean…it's more than just Madison doing another book?" He asked incredulously.

"Do you think I'd agree to let the version of you the press likes to paint around Shaun? You're not that person Norman." Ethan said softly and took Norman's hand in his own.

"I…thank you." Norman whispered.

"Nope, thank you." Ethan said and gave the former agent's hand a warm squeeze. "Now, get some rest, Shaun wants to show you the nice parts of this city tomorrow."

"Nice parts…sure." Norman joked halfheartedly as his heart beat began to slow.


	6. Layers

Ethan sighed over the basket of freshly dried clothing. It was a massive heap of mixed clothing. He hated laundry and made no secret of waiting to the last minute to do it when it was his week. He was wearing blue jeans and a short sleeved dark blue T-shirt while padding around the house barefoot. Ethan was an early riser and often worked on his designs or did housework before Shaun was up for school. Madison often slept till well into the afternoon if she had been up late working. It was his safe quiet time, his family was tucked away secure and content and he could enjoy that quiet in peace.

He sorted the laundry into four piles and swept Jayden's things into the now empty basket. Moving almost silently on his bare feet he entered the common area, set the basket down to turn on the coffee pot before retrieving the basket. He hesitated at Norman's door. He didn't want to just dump Jayden's clothes in front of the door but he didn't have another basket.

Ethan shrugged one shoulder, balanced the basket on his hip, and quietly cracked the door. He could see Jayden's shoulder and a portion of his back, he was sound asleep facing away from the door. Ethan slipped in and quietly began transferring the clothing from the basket to the top of Jayden's bureau.

Jayden had been with them almost a month and Ethan was amazed at how everything had fallen into place. Ethan had lied about being confident of Jayden's competence. He had been reasonably sure of it and hadn't lied when he called Jayden tough. Madison had checked him out, that was how she had originally found him in the bar. Still, things had worked out for the best. Shaun was gaining more confidence in school and with his friends. Madison and Ethan had even contacted the school and listed Jayden as a trusted adult who could pick up Shaun and attend school events on their behalf.

Ethan paused with a sock in his hand as he heard Jayden move. Ethan twisted to face Jayden without making any noise by actually moving.

Jayden was still asleep, he had turned onto his stomach, his face was turned toward the door. Ethan was struck by how similar Jayden looked to him.

* * *

><p>"You could be brothers." Madison had said off handedly while reviewing photos for the first book.<p>

"What?" Ethan had asked genuinely surprised.

"Come here." She had laughed and laid out a photo of Ethan taken after he had been released from the hospital by a lurking freelance photographer, and one of the FBI's press photos of Jayden.

"Huh." Ethan had mused.

* * *

><p>Jayden sighed in his sleep and abruptly pushed at the blanket half covering his torso and rolled onto his back then flung his right arm over his head. All without waking.<p>

Ethan nearly dropped the basket.

Jayden's torso and lower stomach were cross hatched with thin pale scars, they looked old and well healed but shone against the pale smoothness of his skin like tracer rounds at night.

"Christ." Ethan breathed then hurriedly dumped the rest of the clothes on the dresser and fled. He felt like a voyeur, felt ashamed and soiled at violating Jayden's trust.

Jayden a man so hardwired for paranoia he had insisted on using his FBI contacts to run background checks and deep record traces on every resident in the building and every other residential building on the block as well as the empty properties nearby. Ethan was pretty sure Jayden had run checks on the entire faculty at Shaun's school as well.

He felt sick.

"Hey baby what's wrong?" Madison asked sharply and took the basket from his suddenly number fingers.

"I…I just wanted to put his clothes…" Ethan said and felt hot tears burning his eyes.

"Jesus Ethan what the fuck happened?" Madison insisted.

"Christ, I knew he had been through some shit Madison –"

"Norman? What happened with Norman?" She insisted taking Ethan's hands in hers.

Ethan took a slow shuddering breath and retrieved the basket. Madison followed him to the laundry room and took the basket away from him again.

"Do you know what happened to him?" Ethan asked taking another breath and blinking his eyes clear.

"I know some of his past Ethan, he had a rough time on a couple cases."

"What about before the FBI?"

"I did due diligence but nothing stood out as unusual. His mother is dead, father is retired from a job with Boston's city works. He has one sister. She has a misdemeanor record as long as my arm but nothing violent or felony level."

She leaned sideways to look into his eyes. He was half hunched, arms folded over his chest.

"That doesn't seem weird? One sibling can't avoid trouble with the law while the other is a fast burner in the FBI until he publicly flames out?"

"I'd planned to interview him, maybe get his permission to approach his family for follow ups. Seriously you're freaking me out."

"He's scarred."

She laughed, "Metaphorically or literally?"

"It looks like some psycho turned him into a chessboard Mad." He hissed feeling the nausea rise again. He remember the glass chewing into his forearms, the ragged pulsing agony rippling from his shins and knees to the fleshy base of his palms and the thin skin of his wrists and back. Couldn't help but project that pain on Jayden. He felt a new level of respect for Jayden and a renewed determination to make his life easier.

"Christ." She breathed and slipped her strong arms around him.

* * *

><p>Jayden, for his part, didn't actually recall receiving the scars. He didn't recall much of his childhood before he was nine. When he turned nine his parents had brought Rebecca home and his mother had died a year later. The scars had just always been there. He learned at a young age to always wear a shirt, even during the worst August days.<p>

Still, word got out and he endured clever nicknames like 'Checkers' for years. They were added to the usual unimaginative epithets applied by children to the weak among them for decades. He didn't mind, he was a strange and solitary boy just as he was an awkward and solitary man. He ignored his peers and quietly triumphed over them in every area he cared to, academia and debate chiefly. So he left them to stew their sweaty miserable lives in dead end jobs with nowhere futures while he pursued a future with the FBI via a full academic scholarship to Oxford. Go him.

Over the years, after earning his degree, being trained as a profiler and spending time in the field he had decided that he never wanted to know where the scars came from. There were things even he was better off not knowing.

It never consciously occurred to him that those scars, his reflexively defensive paranoia and social ineptitude, were all bound together with his intense empathy and knack for profiling. If anyone had bothered to point it out to him he would have scoffed.

Though if he had seen his own personnel file with another man's name on it, it would have been obvious.

* * *

><p>"What now?" Madison asked when Ethan had calmed down.<p>

"Nothing changes, he's clearly come to terms with it." Ethan said hoarsely.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine Mad, thanks. He's still the Norman we know right?"

"Yeah, still." She sighed.

"Come on coffee should be done." He said softly and kissed the tip of her nose.

* * *

><p>Jayden woke up and immediately noticed the laundry, and was confused by it. It took him a few seconds to work out that the house fairies – as he thought of Madison and Ethan's habits of taking care of household chores at strange times of day – had deposited the laundry for him.<p>

He sat up, and the sunlight streaming in from the balcony's open blinds gleamed on the dull shiny weals of the cluster of scars around his belly button. Jayden frowned and rested his fingertips on them.

"So." He whispered then pulled the covers aside and got up.

Habit and his somewhat limited wardrobe found him wearing his usual FBI suits during the week. Ethan had created an employment contract for Jayden that bettered his FBI benefits and pay. He could buy better suits but he liked his off the rack specials. He also liked the way that people underestimated him or wrote him off because of them. He had spent most of his life being ignored or underestimated.

He adjusted his thin black tie then left his room calling a good morning to the Mars clan.

Shaun sat at the dining room table / island munching a bowl of cereal with orange juice at his elbow. Madison was absent but Ethan was holding a mug of coffee with the newspaper open in front of him kitty corner from Shaun.

"Anything interesting?" Jayden asked as Shaun gleefully waved at him, mouth too full of cereal to even try to speak.

"Not particularly." Ethan sighed and set his coffee down, he jerked his chin at the half full pot.

"No thanks, I'll grab something after the young sir is at school." Jayden said lightly.

"You should eat breakfast Norman, Madison and Dad get mad at me if I skip." Shaun said and downed his orange juice.

Ethan smiled at Jayden's stricken expression. "But Shauuuuuuuuuuun." Norman whined in a ridiculous pantomime of a whiny child.

"I don't sound like that!" Shaun said indignantly and spooned up another gargantuan spoonful of cereal.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll eat breakfast if you show me how to do algebra." Jayden said in a stage whisper.

"But you know algebra!" Shaun protested.

"Nope, I don't . I did for like thirty seconds about oh sixteen years ago. But I'm old Shaunie, us old people forget things." He confided and winked at Ethan who was grinning at Jayden and Shaun.

"I hate algebra." Shaun whined.

"But Shauuuuuuuuuuuuun." Ethan and Jayden chorused. Shaun looked exasperated then agreed to teach Norman algebra after school.

"Here." Ethan laughed and pushed a plate with an open faced toast and egg sandwich on it to Norman.

"I sense a conspiracy." Jayden said narrowing his eyes at Ethan.

"Hey if it works on the little guy why wouldn't it work on the big guy?" Madison said breezing into the room. She was wearing her motorcycle leathers with her helmet tucked under one arm.

"I wish you'd take the car –" Ethan started. She held up a hand.

"The weather is beautiful and the forecast says it won't change for two days. I'll be careful, I'm just running down to the university library, I'll call as soon as I get there and before I leave." She said in a sing-song indicating this was an uneasy truce tactic.

"But Maaaaadison." Jayden said around a mouthful of egg and toast.

She tossed a sugar packet at his head.


	7. Some Days

Shaun's school was expensive and very good at educating its pupils. Jayden figured Shaun would be at least two grades ahead of his age group if he ever returned to public school. Aside from mathematics Shaun was a quick study but he loathed all math.

The school was quite secure as well, a six foot wall of brick and rebar surrounded it and an armed and alert security guard patrolled it during school hours. Many of the students were parents of Important Persons after all.

Since Jayden had agreed to his role Shaun had gained confidence and made great steps according to the Ethan and Shaun's therapist. Jayden was gratified but on balance, didn't actually care. He was glad that Shaun was happy, pleased he may've contributed to that happiness, but really, at the end of the day he was just pleased when both of the Mars men and Madison were back at the loft in one piece.

"Guard dog!" A boy shouted from the yard near the school entrance where most of the children congregated before class. The boy would be a handsome man one day. He had dark blue eyes and very black hair and was already a ring leader among the boys his age. He was also what Jayden liked to classify as a little shit. Jayden had made a note of him the first day he had accompanied Shaun with Ethan. Had recognized the budding arrogance of a person born to privilege and somehow resentful of those not, this boy, Jayden had thought, will never be a self-made anything.

The boy had dubbed Jayden 'Guard Dog' that same day when another lackey had stumbled on the curb and nearly fallen into Ethan. Jayden had smoothly pulled Ethan out of harm's way and knocked the hapless man onto his ass. The lackey had been the little shit's favored minder. After that public display of dexterity the rumors about 'the new guy' had taken off. The next day the man was gone, replaced by a slim sharp eyed woman with dusky skin and electric eyes.

Jayden assumed the boy blamed him for the downfall of his favorite. Jayden hadn't known the full situation, not for sure, until almost a week later when a tearful Shaun had told Jayden about the had dried the boy's tears and said, "Shaun, I am your guard dog, and I'm good at it. Words have power and they can hurt but you can minimize that hurt by focusing on the reality of the word and not the intention behind it. I love being your guard dog, there's no other job I want."

"What about the-the FBI?"

"Yeah, I was pretty good at that stuff too Shaun but I pretty much hated most of it. I liked helping people like you and your Dad but you can't imagine the paperwork. Imagine math all day long every day."

"EW."

"Right, now come on we gotta take me walkies before school."

Shaun had laughed and since then had shined on the would-be bully.

So Jayden didn't react to the nickname, merely carefully observed the milling boys and nearby adults until the front doors opened and the children streamed inside. He waited until the last of the minders and one or two actual parents had left before leaving his post. Most days he drove but when it was nice he and Shaun would walk. The school was less than two miles from their home and with Jayden on duty Ethan had finally relented and allowed Shaun to walk.

He took his time heading back, Ethan would be there. Supposedly working on the draft for one of his upcoming bids but Jayden was fairly sure he would be pondering Jayden's scars. That was a can of fuck-my-life that Jayden had zero interest in opening on a bright clean day like this. So he took a few wrong turns and didn't hurry.

"Hey you, yeah you, you're that guy right?" A woman insisted her shrill voice breaking in on Norman's pleasant reverie. She was sitting at a bus stop, a newspaper open on her lap as he approached. He leveled his cool green eyes at her and waited.

"The FBI Guy right?"

_FBI Guy_, Jayden thought, _yep that's me_.

"Can I help you?"

"I've never met someone famous just like on the street or whatever before!"

"Congratulations, you still haven't." He said sourly and started walking again. She didn't pursue him. He thought again about Madison's proposed new book, a follow up two years after the killer's death. Where Are They Now: The Scott Shelby Edition.

His lips quirked in a bitter smirk and he felt a surge of angry depression crash down on him. He reached out to the façade of a strip mall, to steady himself. The cool concrete so solid and reassuring, he looked up and saw half the mall was closed for renovations.

The neighborhood Ethan had moved into was in the midst of being rezoned from residential to mixed use. He had gotten a deal on the loft saying something about a guy named Kane needing to leave town, and after Madison's book went big they had purchased the rest of the building and frozen the rent for the current residents with the intention of slowly converting the lower floors into office space for Ethan's inevitable architectural firm. That was the plan anyway but until a few more tenants moved out and the economy picked up again there wasn't much point in renovating anything but the loft.

Jayden was avoiding the hard question again. Should he allow Madison to interview him? If he did would he be okay with her publishing it? He was confident she wouldn't if he said no, but even being interviewed about all the shit he had waded through since Shelby's fall, and all the fucked up history before that, all the shit he hadn't talked about the first time… it left him feeling panicked and somehow greasy…soiled.

He let out a breath and straightened up. "Just go home you idiot." He breathed to himself and started walking again.

The mood swings had never really gone away. They weren't as frequent or violent but they still popped up. He hadn't been forced to endure one in Shaun's presence yet but their persistence disturbed him. Ethan had offered to contact Shaun's therapist or his own for a referral for Jayden. Had nearly insisted on it until Jayden pointed out that Mars hadn't made it a prerequisite and it was Mars who had expressed such confidence in Jayden in the first place. The only reason Ethan even knew about them was because one drunken evening when Madison was out and Shaun asleep Jayden had mentioned them. Still, Jayden was beginning to doubt his ability to function in the face of these swings. What if he was hit with one like when Shaun needed him?

Madison was still gone when he got back.

"Like clockwork." He told Ethan as he entered the loft.

"Yeah? Good Guard Dog." Ethan teased.

"Watch it you." Jayden mock growled.

"Behave or we'll have to take you to the vet to get 'fixed'." Ethan snorted and frowned at his draft.

"Try it Mars, I may not have much use for the family jewels but they're mine." He snorted and slipped his jacket off. He wore the same shoulder holster he had for years though the weapon was the same model as his issued weapon it was a different weapon altogether. He kept it on until Shaun was home for the night.

"What do you think?" Ethan asked with a sigh and pushed away from the desk.

It was a concept sketch, the building was low, squat and modern with clean lines but wasn't oppressively generic.

"Needs trees." Jayden said sagely. Ethan smiled his small amused smile and returned to the drawing.

'Needs trees' was Jayden's default reply to these feedback requests, when Ethan had asked for clarification Jayden had explained that it was more interesting than, 'that's nice' and more apt to be useful.

"I've been thinking Ethan, about the shrink…" Jayden said carefully.

"I can call now." Ethan said with a level of casualness that was painfully obvious.

"Yeah, couldn't hurt." Jayden said flushing slightly and shrugging one shoulder. Ethan's eyes lit up and he rose to grab his cellphone.

"Jesus Ethan if I knew it meant that much to you –"

"You of all people know forcing someone into therapy isn't necessarily helpful." Ethan chided gently and thumbed his therapist's number.

Jayden blushed again and looked away. Ethan was silhouetted in sunlight from the kitchen. He was bright eyed, healthy, scarred of course but mostly…normal. He was successful, in love, had the security of his family's assured safety…

Jayden busied himself rolling the cuffs of his dress shirt up trying to figure out what he was feeling. Not jealousy, he had never really wanted a family of his own though he didn't mind joining this one at all. It wasn't envy or loneliness either. Admiration? Maybe.

"So this might be weird but _he_ has an opening." Ethan said carefully.

"Share therapists? Is that okay? I mean, he knows we live together right?"

"Yeah it'll be fine."

"Will it interfere with –"

"No, he says we can come at the same time, he'll do us back to back."

"Oh, okay then." Jayden felt himself blush again and realized, to his horror, it wasn't because embarrassed by Ethan's excitement and concern, it was the implied –by his brain anyway- lewdness of Ethan's word choice.

_Holy fuck Jayden, do you have a crush on your fucking boss?_ He felt his eyes widen and bit his lip hard to avoid face planting on a panic attack. _ Do not let your dick fuck this up Jayden, this is a life and a family._

He shook his head hard once as though staving off a sneeze and focused on fixing his sleeves.

"Okay, so Wednesday at eight." Ethan said closing his phone.

"That late?"

"Yeah he caters to professionals with 9-5 schedules." Ethan said absently and set the phone down. "I'm really glad you're comfortable with this Norman." Ethan said his cheeks flushed with joy and eyes glittering.

To his increasing horror Jayden realized his mental warning to his dick had evidently backfired, he could feel a shameful stirring that brought back memories of the horrifying embarrassment of getting 'caught' with wood in school as an awkward teenager.

"Uh yeah, y'know for the best!" Jayden said with choking false cheer, snatched up his jacket and beat a retreat to his room. He closed and locked the door then slid to the ground and buried his face in his hands. A few silent seconds passed and then he started to laugh, long and hard. His fucking cock was standing proudly at attention now.

"What the fuck is my life?" He asked wryly staring at the throwback trouser tent.

So that was Monday.


	8. Confession

"Mr. Jayden, you know that therapy is not a magic bullet. I can only help you if you let me." The therapist said gently.

Jayden didn't like this guy. He was too good.

"I can see why Ethan likes you." Jayden said instead of answering the implied question.

"I am not here for Ethan right now, I am here for you." He chided gently.

"I…have a past. And I'm worried that some of the side effects of my past will interfere with my current position."

"You wrote bodyguard on your questionnaire?"

"Right, Ethan hired me to be Shaun's bodyguard."

"You think it was an act of charity?"

Jayden winced at that and sighed. "I don't know, I mean, yes and no. I can do it, I've been doing it and Shaun is safe and sound. But, I think part of it was … compassion, not pity."

"Does that bother you?"

"Intellectually? Nope. It's totally logical; I'd probably do the same."

"But you resent it anyway?"

"Yep." Jayden admitted. He did, not consciously or overtly but he did.

"Tell me about these side effects."

"Uh, well, violent nightmares, moodswings, and uhm." He hesitated.

"You're in a safe space here Mr. Jayden. I will not reveal any-"

"I know your guidelines. I just fuck, this is incredibly embarrassing okay?" The shrink looked at him with calm gentle eyes devoid of judgment.

"I am a professional therapist Mr. Jayden, I have had a practice for nearly twenty years, it is very very difficult to surprise me. I am not certain I am even still capable of shock."

Norman laughed out loud and felt some of his tension fade."You're good."

"I should be." The shrink was a tiny man, barely five foot with long delicate fingers and the vaguest lingering traces of an accent, only made noticeable by his extreme lack of contractions.

"I uhm. I've started to uh react to Ethan."

"React?"

"Sexually." Jayden blurted and felt a fiery blush color his face.

"Have you told him?"

"What? Are you fucking crazy? Hey boss, I pop a boner whenever you're around, isn't that awesome? Come on, I need this job, I need them it's all I've got."

"Are you familiar with the concept of transference?"

"You think I pop wood for Ethan because he and Madison saved my ass from becoming a wino?"

"I would not use those words –"

"I haven't been with anyone since fuck...college I guess. I just… I don't have time for relationships and anonymous sex freaks me out."

"You think you're reacting because you've been celibate."

Jayden was pretty sure his blush went even redder, he wondered half hysterically if it were possible to spontaneously combust from sheer embarrassment.

"No, I'm saying that I don't … for all practical purposes I'm asexual so this is…fuck I'm not prepared for this okay? Besides Ethan is straight and in love with Madison. What good would telling him do? If he's noticed anything he's probably ignored it."

"Tell me about your mood swings." The little man said evenly.

Jayden felt like he'd run a marathon then boxed a flyweight champion by the time the hour was up.

"Ready?" Ethan asked gently as Jayden left the office. Ethan had gone first.

"Uh yeah." Jayden said words slurred with weariness.

He was silent during the trip home.

"Are you interested in going again?" Ethan asked as he poured them each a Scotch back at the loft. Shaun was in bed and Madison was holding a late night session with her paper's editor, she had waited until the men got home to leave.

"Yeah, he's…sharp."

"That's a good description."

"I should get to bed, school in the morning." Jayden said with a tired weak smile as Ethan offered him the beverage.

"Jayden…" Ethan said then seemed to lose his words.

"Good night Ethan." Jayden said softly and retreated.

* * *

><p>He dreamed again. This time it was Alex the lost alcoholic would-be rapist. He was back in that stall, the stink of beer and sweat strong and choking in his nostrils, Alex's strong hands and leering teeth, eyes glazed with booze and lust.<p>

This time he didn't get away.

He woke screaming and shaking. Disoriented by the darkness – he usually left the blinds to the balcony open so starlight and light from the city would act as a nightlight should he need to use the restroom – he panicked and ended up crashing to the floor a heap of blankets and blind instinct.

His door flew open and Ethan stood there, silhouetted by light from the kitchen, he loomed over Jayden. Still half trapped in the dream and panicked Jayden let out a throaty cry of fear and rage and writhed away from Ethan.

"It's okay Norman you had a dream!" Ethan shouted and flipped on the light switch.

Jayden threw up an arm to block the light and pulled his knees to his chest. Reality flooded in as he light brought the room into focus. "Oh fuck." Norman breathed chest heaving. He lowered his arm and looked away from Ethan.

"Shh it's okay just take it easy." Ethan soothed and crouched where he stood.

"That …" Jayden said thinking of the dream and shuddered. "Oh god Shaun –" He gasped and tried to untangle the bedding.

"Is still asleep. He'll sleep through earthquakes. That first night he wasn't asleep yet." Ethan said gently then rose and walked to Jayden.

Jayden pulled away instinctively, he braced his palms on the floor and pushed himself away. In the process he freed his legs from the tangle of sheets and showed off his scars rather nicely. Ethan froze eyes locked on the horrific pattern.

"I'm okay Ethan, I'm sorry I woke you." Jayden said slowly getting to his feet and avoiding Ethan's eyes.

"Norman, I'm sorry I didn't mean to stare."

Jayden looked at Ethan and sighed. Ethan sensed an air of defeat hanging on his friend. Jayden sat on the foot of his bed, clad only in his underwear. He ran a hand through his hair and let out a shaky sigh.

"I don't remember how I got them. I don't remember most of my childhood. I don't want to either. I…don't really date or get physical with people or go to a gym. Too many questions." He said and gestured at the rippling gleaming scars. Ethan took a step closer to Jayden and knelt at his side. Jayden stared past and through Ethan, lower lip trembling slightly.

"We don't care about what happened we care about _you_." Ethan whispered.

Jayden let out a pained gasp and closed his eyes. _ Why couldn't you have said, I care? _A single tear worked its way free and streaked down his cheek. The terror and agony of the dream had been fading but now it was swept away as relief crashed in to fill its void.


	9. I Knew You Once

She had emailed Jayden out of the blue a week ago. He had tried to ignore the email but at the end of the day she was still his little sister, still the kid he had practically raised until she was almost six and he left for school, still the walking train wreck that only washed up in his life when she needed money or was trying to dodge another stint in jail. Still the woman who had thrown him out of her life much as their only parent had decades before.

"You look better." Rebecca said and lit a cigarette.

"Than what?" He asked carefully.

"After that thing in the papers, you looked pretty bad." She took a slow drag on her cigarette and kept her eyes on the traffic passing behind him.

They were sitting at a sidewalk café, cold mediocre coffee between them. She was instantly recognizable as a sibling, the same china pale skin and eyes gazed out at Jayden but that was where the resemblance ended. Where he was alert, aware, and intelligent, dressed neatly and practically she was, in a phrase, a hot mess. Unkempt hair, worn clothes more suited for a night out than an early afternoon coffee meeting, dark circles under her eyes and chapped lips. Her nails were chipped and hands rough and dry.

"Yeah, well, it was a tough case."

"So you going to say you're sorry?" She asked sharply.

"What the fuck for?" He snapped. Even for her he only had so much patience.

"You stormed into my home and demanded I kick Brian out because he was–"

"Oh Christ Becca. Seriously? Why are you even here?"

She leveled her semi-vacuous green eyes at him. "Can't I miss you?" She asked with a smirk.

"Can you?" He shot back.

She didn't bother to manufacture a wounded expression. Just took another drag on her goddamn cigarette – the only reason they were freezing their asses off currently since the café didn't allow smoking indoors – and tapped ash onto the sidewalk.

"Look I have to go I have work –" He growled.

"Heard you're a bodyguard now, for that kid."

"Look Becca I really do have to go soon so if all you're going to do is quote articles at me let's cut this short."

She kept staring at him. "Dad's sick." She said finally.

A pang of something cold and sick slithered into his chest.

"He didn't want me to tell you but he's our Dad. I didn't feel right not saying anything."

"What else has he said about me?" Jayden asked and wasn't sure why he even bothered.

She finally looked away. "The usual."

If Jayden recalled 'the usual' amounted to insults and the odd drunken blow.

"Is that all you came here for? To tell me that the bastard who threw me out when I was sixteen is sick? And I care why?"

"He didn't throw you out –"

"He did, the only fucking reason he let me back in was because you were too little to finish raising yourself. The happiest day in his life was when I left for school."

"He's our Dad."

"No, he's _yours_. He disowned me and the feeling is mutual. I'm sorry that he's the only parent you have –"

"You raised me."

"No, I just kept you alive for a few years." He said coldly.

They fell into a tense silence while she finished her cigarette. He thought she would light another from the butt of the first and saw her hand twitch toward the pack lying on the table. Instead she picked up her coffee.

"Money's tight, with Dad being sick." She said and took a sip of the now horrible coffee.

"Oh my god get away from me." He hissed getting to his feet and gesturing at the waiter. He felt a physical revulsion when he looked at her. She was pretty enough; bleached blond hair setting off her doe-like green eyes, a trim figure and pleasantly pretty face all looking worn and vapid. But she was a viper, a feminized version of their father with all of his worst impulses without the alcoholism. Frankly, she was dangerous.

"Normie-"

"I fucking mean it Becca, I'm not a goddamned bank. What I have I've earned honestly and with my own goddamn blood. I've tried to help you my entire life but when I need…_needed_ you or him? Why am I even trying? I have to go."

She looked genuinely shocked at his refusal and fury. "It's called therapy and self-respect, you might want to look into it." He hissed and thrust a $20 at the waiter.

"Don't let her out of your sight and count the silverware when she's gone, keep the change." He said matter-of-factly and turned back to his sister. Her face was getting red.

"Goodbye Becca, I loved you, if you ever decide to stop being a piece of shit let me know. If that monster wants my money tell him to ask me himself." He said softly and turned away from her.

"I know what he did to you." She croaked and stood defiantly in his path. Norman noted the server wisely darted from sight.

"I don't care, do you understand that? Whatever sick hold you two had over me is gone and finished. I don't need you." He felt incredibly tired as she stared up at him defiantly.

"Goodbye." He repeated then neatly stepped around her and started walking. He didn't want to know, had never wanted to _know_.

"Norman goddamnit don't you walk away from me! I know what he did to you because I was there! Don't you want to know why you don't remember?" She half cried half shrieked at him. He hunched his shoulders and kept walking not daring to turn around.

He could imagine her face streaked with runny makeup, twisted in pain and mindless rage. Saw her as a child dark hair long and healthy in summer sun light, laughing so hard he could see the gap in her teeth where her most recent baby tooth had fallen out. Her shouts, incoherent and muffled by street noise, followed him to the end of the block where he desperately hailed a cab.


	10. Past Tense

_I know what he did to you because I was there._

That night, alone in his room, the pale light of the city bathing him he couldn't sleep. The echo of Rebecca's words deafening him. That didn't make sense how could she have known, or been there and old enough to have a memory? He didn't remember much before he was nine, the year Rebecca was born and he'd had the scars then.

Hadn't he?

He lay on the bare mattress, sheets and blanket kicked to the floor, fingers idly tracing the familiar weals of scar tissue on his torso and tried, really tried, for the first time in years to remember the scars.

A flash of blood and bandages…then…the scars were sensitive at first, he had to be careful about what he wore…a shirt he had received from a friend's mother was his favorite for a long time. It was well worn and buttery soft on his skin.

The shirt…

"Tommy." He whispered in the dark.

Tommy had been one of his few actual friends. Tommy's mother did her best to help Norman and had made sure to reserve the best of Tommy's cast offs – Tommy was taller and bigger boy than little slim Norman – for Jayden. He hadn't met Tommy until …middle school...he had been what, twelve? Thirteen? He felt cold and nauseated. Rebecca might actually be telling the truth.

His first instinct was to call her but he stifled it. He needed to get some sleep, get his head straight and then maybe contact her. She might be right about this _one_ thing she was still a poisonous person. He didn't dare make any irrevocable choices without thinking things through. With some part of the puzzle laid to rest he closed his eyes, breathed evenly, and eventually slept.

Tommy was dead, Thomas Slatzky had died a year before Norman had even heard of the Origami Killer. Jayden felt a pang of stale grief quickly overridden by frustration. He ran a hand through his hair, reminding himself to get it trimmed sooner rather than later, and let out a breath. He stared at the obituary page on Madison's computer and let out a sigh.

"You're going to need to buy hairbands if you don't get that mop top seen to." Madison said padding out of her shared bedroom with Ethan. Jayden looked up at her and smiled tiredly.

"I didn't think you'd mind, I overslept today and the library was closed-"

"It's fine, what are you looking for? I might be able to help, investigative report don't'cha know." She teased.

His instinct was to shut her out and down. Keep up his façade but that was the old him. She trusted him so it was time he trusted her. "Uh well yeah maybe you can."

"Spill, I'll make coffee." It was late Jayden had slept through most of his day off. Shaun and Ethan were staying overnight with Shaun's mom and would be back in the morning.

"Does it bother you that Ethan sleeps at Grace's when Shaun is there?" Jayden blurted.

"Nope. Grace drinks. She has a handle on it now but I feel better knowing Ethan is there just in case."

"You don't get jealous?"

"Nope, if Ethan wants to have sex with someone else that's between him and them. As long as he uses protection and is straight with me I don't care."

"Seriously?"

"Never heard of an open relationship?"

"Sure I just never –"

"Relax Norman." She laughed. "We're brutally honest with each other. After…after I lied to him it was the only way forward."

"Has he…or you…?"

"Once, weekend fling with a photographer. So what or who are you looking for?" she asked and started making lattes.

"Uhh.." Jayden struggled to keep his head on track. An open relationship? A photographer?

"Sorry." She laughed and put two mugs on the kitchen island and sat down, "That wasn't a fair topic change."

"No, I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked in the first place –"

"It's fine Norman. I had the fling. Ethan…well, he's welcome to but he's just not interested in anyone else so far."

"You never get jealous?"

"Of course I do I just deal with it. I love and trust Ethan, that means I trust him to love and respect me back. So far so good."

"That's…healthy."

"It takes work and a lot of communication." She sipped her coffee while Jayden sat and held his for a moment.

"You know about my scars, Ethan told you?"

She looked away for a moment then met his eyes and nodded firmly.

"I uh, I don't remember how I got them. I met with my sister, you know about that...It didn't go very well. Her parting shot…she said she was there when my father did something to me. I didn't think she could mean them." he shifted on the stool and looked down at his coffee but kept talking, "...but I realized that she was old enough to possibly remember it after all. I was trying to locate a friend from childhood, I thought there was a good chance he might be able to help me pin down the timeline."

"Trying?"

"He's dead. Look, you did some research on me right?"

"Well, yes but only from the point you enrolled at Oxford on. I wasn't sure how you'd feel about me digging in to your childhood."

He licked his dry lips and drank the latte hardly tasting it. "Dig Madison, I've been running away from whatever this is my whole life, I need to know."

"Okay Jayden but I need you to know that I'm going to find everything I can but Tommy is dead and so many years have passed we may never find out what really happened. This isn't TV there are almost never neat concise reasons for what we do or who we are. Will you be able to live with that?"

"If I still had ARI I could do this myself in a day Madison, but I don't so I need you –"

"I'm going to help you Jayden but you haven't answered my question." She said firmly.

She put a hand on his, still clutching the coffee cup. Her skin was warm and soft and she smelled like fresh air and fresh from the dryer clothes. He closed his eyes and thought about her question.

"I don't know Madison, I know I don't want to live with the fragments I have now. Maybe if we dig and come up empty that will be enough. I think if I know there's nothing else to be found I can live with that. I just need…due diligence."

"Who else might be able to help fill in the blanks?"

"My sister, Rebecca. She's… a wreck. She lies, steals, uses people, she's fundamentally selfish and toxic as hell but she claimed to know what happened. I can't trust her though so we'll need to try to corroborate what she says. Tommy's mother may know something, they were close, if she's still alive. I'm not sure who else really. Maybe property and school records will help."

"Okay, let's divide and conquer okay? You ring your FBI pals and see what you can shake out of them. Then sit down and write up all the addresses, phone numbers, names, dates, schools, clubs, and everything else you can remember. We'll sift it and parse and see what we have, okay?"

"You're good."

"Pfft obviously."

Ethan and Shaun arrived just after lunchtime to find Jayden and Madison hard at work. Piles of fresh print outs, sticky notes, highlighters, pens, and well-worn cell phones scattered around them.

"Lovell, you and I both know a deep background had to be run to approve me –" Jayden scowled at the phone and the pad of paper in front of him. "I understand, now listen to me okay? You've examined me head to toe probably a dozen times, during those exams not once did you ask me –" More scowling.

"That's my point, you didn't ask and I don't fucking know Lovell, so unless you want me to go to the press and explain that you knowingly cleared me without doing your damn homework you're going to give me all the information you have. Yes right now. I … I'm not blackmailing you or trying to ruin you, this is more graymail – right. Thank you." Jayden's hand shook slightly as he hung up.

"Working on the book?" Ethan asked. Shaun stared around with wide curious eyes. He always seemed subdued when he returned from a visit with his mother.

"In a way, how was Grace?" Madison asked then kissed Ethan hungrily.

"Gross get a room." Jayden and Shaun chorused. Madison flipped Jayden the bird then released Ethan. Shaun ran to his room to change and clean it up.

"Can I help?" Ethan asked around a yawn.

Jayden was making more coffee preoccupied with his phone call. Lovell had hinted that the FBI might have had more information on his scars than was on the official record. He hadn't needed much of a push to agree to look for more information, Jayden felt like the threat to go to the press was a formality.

"Yeah actually you can have a seat loverboy and prepare for our presentation of known facts." Madison said solemnly.


	11. Crawling

Ethan's head hurt and he was hungry enough to feel nauseated but too relieved to be home to worry about it. Weekends with Grace were penance. She had managed to control her drinking but she was far from stable. Shaun deserved to know his mother so he refused to end visitations but likewise didn't trust Grace alone with his son. It broke his heart that it had come to that. They had been deeply in love once.

Coming home to his new family and the bustle of research and easy camaraderie, easy honest affection was a balm no left over pizza or thrown together sandwich would ever equal.

"Jayden doesn't know where his scars came from. We're finding out."

"Background for the book." Jayden said teasingly though his voice broke slightly. It was difficult to be so up front with something that had been so personal and shameful for his entire life.

"We've managed to locate the names of most of his neighbors from his childhood including classmates and teachers. Running official records down is harder most of it isn't digitized and a lot could have been destroyed to save space over time. Norman has a contact in the medical arm of the ARI program doing some digging."

"Give me names and numbers I'll start making calls." Ethan volunteered.

"Not so fast quick draw." Jayden grinned incredibly gratified that Ethan was willing to put his day on hold and wade hip deep into a twenty year old mystery filled with stale paperwork and dead ends at the drop of a hat.

"We need to run the paper trails as far as we can before we spook too many people, I already put pressure on some federal contacts that alone might shake things up enough that any follow up gets noticed." Jayden explained.

"Okay, dumb possibly insensitive question but uh why not ask your sister or father?" Ethan asked quietly. He regretted it as he caught Madison flinch and sigh out of the corner of his eye.

Jayden felt some of the jolt of happiness he'd gained from Ethan's immediate engagement dull and fade. "My father threw me out of the house for good when I was eighteen. Rebecca is …poisonous. She has a record as long as my arm and goes out of her way to steal from me and use me in any way she can. I … I'll go to them when the time is right."

"I'm sorry Jayden –"

"Don't be, I'm not. Living with him is part of what made me who I am. I have my own cross to bear with Rebecca…leaving her with him…" Jayden shook his head and drew a deep breath. "It is what it is. Come on, I have some names you can try to get numbers or addresses for."

Jayden went to bed first, the second time he caught himself re-reading a page of search results he called it quits. He slept well and deeply waking early enough that he was dressed and making breakfast when Shaun and Ethan made an appearance.

"Ready for your Algebra final?" Jayden asked Shaun as Ethan poured himself coffee.

"Yeah Dad and me went over some more practice problems last night." Shaun grinned.

"Glutton for punishment?" Jayden asked Ethan.

"Not really I just have a conference call today." Ethan lied. Jayden smiled knowingly and Ethan flushed slightly.

Shaun was quiet for most of the walk to the school.

"Will you leave Norman?" Shaun asked as the school drew into sight.

"What?" Norman asked.

"I mean, Mom left and Jason…"

"I'm not going to choose to leave you until you're ready to go without me Shaun, even then I'll stay in your life."

"Promise?"

"Totally." Norman said and extended his hand to shake on it. Solemnly the boy shook.

"You guys are the best parents a kid could ask for." Shaun said a few seconds later.

"Shaun –"

"Fine bodyguard, caretaker, friend, savior a kid could ask for then." Shaun said rolling his eyes as they reached the gates to the school.

Norman laughed a genuine belly laugh as Shaun ran to meet his friends. He waited until the students had filed into class before starting the walk back. His cell rang and he answered without looking at the caller ID.

"Jayden." At first he thought the call had dropped because only silence greeted him.

"Norman." It was Rebecca.

"What do you want?" He snapped.

"To…apologize."

He waited content to let the awkward silence reign.

"I've been a bitch to you Norman. I…was hoping we could meet and talk."

"Why now?"

"Dad's dead. It's over. I …. We're all we have now Norman."

To his shock he felt a lump in his throat. Ding dong the monster is dead.

"That was fast."

"He…they think he deliberately OD'd on his pain medication."

"He was always weak." Jayden said then saw himself in his mind's eye desperately scrambling for a vial of tripto and felt sick.

"Can we meet?"

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"Because the last time I tried to have a conversation with you, you busted my balls and caused a scene then hit me up for money Becca."

"Look, there's…paperwork, stuff that needs your signature and I know you don't owe me shit and I've been completely horrible to you but…I'd like to try."

"One condition Becca, you tell me right now on the phone what you threw in my face before. Do you know what he did to me?"

"Y-yes Norman." He heard unshed tears in her voice. He realized he was standing on a sidewalk surrounded by early commuters and shoppers. He was half blinded with tears himself. He hurried to an open alley and stepped away from the crowds.

"What Becca? What do you remember?"

"Not much I swear but Mom…I found her journals when I moved back in with Dad. It's … pretty awful shit Norman I'm sorry I even mentioned it –"

"Bring them with you, all of them, I want everything."

"Norman –"

"It's my fucking life Becca, it's time I got a say in it."

"Okay….where –"

"I'm going to give you my current address, if you give this out to anyone or try to fuck me over in any way it will not go well with you sis." He said coldly.

"I…I'll be there." She sounded resigned.

He hung up and hurried back to Ethan and Madison's building. He filled them in quickly; Ethan had finished his moving his meetings for the day and was working on preliminary sketches. Madison had nothing but more research planned that day so she stuck around to see how things worked out.

"So whatever happened… your mother knew?" Madison asked.

"I don't know. My mom died when I was nine, complications from Rebeca's birth. I raised her until I was fourteen and she was four or five. Then Dad threw me out, he only took me back in because Rebecca wasn't old enough to take care of herself yet. He threw me out for good when I was eighteen."

"Jesus, why?" Ethan asked before Madison could say anything.

"Because I'm gay Ethan." Jayden said and laughed.

"So?" Ethan snorted.

"Well, he was also an abusive drunken homophobic lunatic, so there's that." Jayden said shakily.

"So whatever happened you were probably 12 or 13 at the time and your Mom had been gone for years. Your Dad threw you out a couple years later for the first time." Madison muttered and began scrawling a timeline on a sheet of paper.

"I can't believe we haven't found any police reports. Even if you never saw a physician for the injury itself how did you get care in future or pass the FBI physical without a record showing up?"

"Lovell is looking into that. I never played sports in school so no mandatory screening there and to put it mildly we didn't exactly receive regular medical attention."

"Okay, then what about the physical for the FBI?" Ethan asked.

"Rubber stamped. Seriously it was just the basics. Once I got to Quantico it wasn't a huge issue my PT scores were high and I was never injured."

"Okay but still Jayden, when you join the military they catalog all tattoos, scars and other bodymarkings."

"So?"

"So why wouldn't the FBI do something similar?"

Jayden's head hurt, his weariness was coming home to roost. He ignored the question and retrieved a bottle of ibuprofen from the kitchen, dry swallowed two tablets and faced Ethan and Madison.

"I don't know."

"Madison do you know for certain that's standard procedure?"

"No." She admitted with a frown.

"Okay so what now? Phone calls?" Ethan asked gamely ignoring the strange new tension between Jayden and Madison.

"No, no…Rebecca will be here tomorrow. I'll talk to her first." Jayden said frowning at a text from Rebecca on his phone requesting a reschedule to the next day.

"Jayden…" Madison said with an apology in her voice and body language.

"I'd like you to be with me tomorrow Madison, keep us on track, keep…her honest."

She noted his hesitation but nodded. He left the couple surrounded by paperwork and went to his room yawning.

* * *

><p>He was incredibly weary, Jayden undressed mechanically and sat at the foot of his bed staring out at the cityscape beyond the loft. As he stared a light rain began to fall turning the evening city in to a twinkling wonderland. Minutes passed before he realized the distortion was at least partly due to the tears running down his cheeks.<p>

He raised a shaking hand and touched the tears, held his hand out to the dim light painting his room in twilight shades, marveled at the moisture.

"Who am I?" He whispered. Titles and descriptors flowed past his closed eyes, rattled through his head. Special Agent, hero cop, lunatic, savant, liability, addict, freak, monster, killer…killer?

His eyes snapped open and he felt an icy shudder rocket through him from the base of his spine to his scalp, a shudder followed the sensation and he was on his feet. Without thinking he burst from his room and into the living area. Ethan and Madison were bent over her lap top. Jayden picked up a sheaf of papers that had been sorted by names. Mechanically he began sifting them.

He was nearly through the full stack when he found it. He snatched up the papers and skimmed them until he reached a print out that was clearly an obituary. A stern faced woman out of her twenties but not into her forties yet with Jayden's same eyes and dark hair gazed up from the page.

"Liliana Jayden, Aged 35, died…" He mumbled out loud as he scanned it.

Ethan and Madison had turned to face Jayden, Madison held a notepad in one hand and a pen in the other watching Jayden with her full focus. Ethan looked worried and glanced toward Shaun's room.

"They don't say how she died." Jayden snarled and threw the packet of papers to the ground.

"Jayden relax we can get a copy of the death certificate in the morning –"

"You know hackers –"

"You said she died from complications with child birth." Ethan said soothingly. He saw Jayden's unheeded wet cheeks, the wild fire in his eyes and felt a slow dull pulse of dread crawl through his chest.

"The date of death doesn't match. I need to know for sure, Madison, please?"

"Jayden it's probably not digitized, if it is it'll be behind a state firewall –"

"When have I asked you for anything?" He asked hoarsely, his voice cracked and his hybrid accent grew harsh and coarse.


	12. Support the Weak Point

**Cause of death: Undetermined.**

"Is that even a valid reason?" Ethan asked looking over Madison's shoulder.

"Apparently at one time yes."

"Sam didn't have any other information?" Ethan asked.

"No, it's amazing he got this much." Madison sighed.

"Why couldn't you just order a copy of the death certificate?"

"We could but it would take a month and there would be a record of the request."

Ethan let out a low whistle.

"Hush Mars, paranoia is healthy in my line of work."

"Whatever you say." He said and kissed her forehead. Jayden was sleeping. At long last. He had listened to the other man pace his room, run a shower, pace more, go silent, pace more and finally silent again. Ethan had dared to crack Jayden's door open enough to listen and heard the even steady breathing of sleep.

Ethan hoped he would sleep until well past midday, he needed it. He had already cancelled or rescheduled his meetings and plans for the week. Family came first; always had but Jayden… he was more than family, in a very real way he was the reason Ethan had a pulse and a family.

"This doesn't help us." Ethan sighed.

"Right, but a phone call and a repaid favor might."

"What?"

"I have a contact in the Boston P.D. I've asked her to check in to Jayden's timeline, anything relating to his address or parents' names that might have occurred around the time of his mother's death."

"Why didn't you say anything before?"

"I was hoping the death certificate would be enough." She sighed and scrubbed her face. He knelt at her side and leaned against her.

"What are you afraid of?" He asked.

"Answers."

"Why?" He probed gently.

"Because sometimes not knowing is best Ethan."

"You can't shield him from this. For one he's way too smart, you could never fool him."

"And for two it would be wrong." She agreed reluctantly.

Jayden slept until the next evening. Madison was ridiculously grateful for the reprieve. If she were honest she couldn't say for sure why she was so reluctant to pursue Jayden's path. She was an investigative journalist for gods' sake. She had never shied from a story in her life. Maybe it was because she cared so much about Jayden, or because she had her own painful, even shameful, memories. Whatever the case she did everything she could to delay calling her contact.

"Sounds like he's up." Ethan said and glanced at Madison. She was crouched at her computer scrolling through emails and ignoring her cell phone.

Ethan and Shaun were sitting at the kitchen island supposedly reviewing Shaun's homework and waiting for pizza to be delivered. Really they were all waiting for Jayden. Shaun knew his father and Madison were helping Jayden, he was an observant and emotionally intelligent boy. He knew that the adults were waiting for Something. He didn't know what the Something was, how it would arrive, or what it's purpose or intention was. He didn't know if it was going to be a person, a package, an email, or a phone call. Still, he could feel it coming and knew that as soon as Jayden made an appearance the Something would be close behind.

He knew he would be facing an early bed time.

Jayden woke feeling like utter and complete shit. His mouth tasted foul, tongue was literally stuck to the roof of his mouth. His muscles ached like he'd pushed too hard on rehab again or run a marathon. He stood shakily and made his way to the bathroom.

Ethan heard the shower in Jayden's room turn on. He immediately thought about Jayden's pale rain soaked face as he raced after Shelby leaving Ethan and Shaun safe and together. Thought about Jayden's battered form limping through the rain to the EMTs, muttering through chattering teeth that Shelby was dead, the relief that followed had been so powerful it almost hurt and then the moisture on Ethan's cheeks was noticeably hotter and saltier as he held his son.

"Dad?" Shaun's concerned voice cut through Ethan's thoughts and the running water was rendered every day normal and not the horrific sound of rain water filling a culvert imprisoning his only surviving son.

"Hey, why don't –" Ethan started to suggest.

"I go finish this in my room?" Shaun suggested with a sigh and picked up his books.

"That kid is way too smart for you." Madison said without looking away from her laptop.

Ethan snorted.

Jayden appeared about a half hour later frowning at his cell phone. He was still pale, hell he would be pale in Bermuda. But the dark circles under his eyes had retreated some. He was sporting two days' worth of stubble. Ethan blinked, surprised at how it changed his appearance, he looked leaner, more thoughtful…better, with the growth.

He was wearing slightly loose jeans and a worn plaid shirt unbuttoned over a clean white T-shirt. He was still barefoot and his damp hair was slightly tousled.

"Lumberjack?" Ethan asked.

Jayden blinked at him, utterly uncomprehending for a moment. "Plaid and jeans plus bare feet big guy." Madison said and poured coffee for the two of them. Ethan waved a mug away and settled at the island.

"Shaun?" Jayden croaked.

"He's fine, I took him to school and back all by myself." Ethan teased gently. Jayden blushed just enough to set off the contrast of the new near-beard. Again Ethan was struck by his appearance. He knew, had always known, that Jayden was an attractive man. Of course for the entire time he had known the man he had been in ill health for various reasons. _Insomnia, drug abuse, overwork, self-loathing…_

But he had never seen Jayden as just…Norman. Just a guy who lived in his home, protected his son, cooked meals with his lover…

"You look like you just remembered you forgot something important." Jayden said finishing off his coffee.

"Hmm, maybe I didn't forget it." Ethan said cryptically. Madison gave him a curious half frown and returned her attention to Jayden.

"We have some …uh results."

"Results?" Jayden asked suspiciously. It didn't take a profiler to smell something fishy in her word choice.

"The certificate had cause of death as undetermined." She said simply.

Jayden unconsciously tightened his grip on his empty coffee mug.

"Relax, don't choke out the ceramics." Ethan soothed. Surprised Jayden glanced at Ethan, pausing for a moment as he noted Ethan's odd body language, he seemed suddenly and unusually self-conscious.

"Undetermined?" He asked turning his attention back to Madison.

"So I reached out to a friend of mine on the Boston P.D. – off the record. He owes me his badge." She said lightly. Jayden relaxed slightly, Ethan noted color flowing into his white knuckles.

"And?"

"I don't know everything yet Jayden but a copy of the case file is being shipped overnight."

"Stop stalling." He said mildly. Ethan's hackles went up, he had a sure and certain feeling that Jayden was a very dangerous man presently. He knew that Jayden having panic attacks, crying, or shouting at them would be safer than this cold calm Jayden. Suddenly, to his shame, he was very glad Shaun was in his room.

"Did you know anything about your paternal grandfather?" Madison asked carefully.

"He was a police officer." Jayden said in that same strange tone.

"Right. That paid off for your father. The…the marks were caused…" She broke off and looked into her coffee.

"Norman." Ethan said gently and took Jayden's hand off the mug, he was surprised Jayden let himself be touched.

"Your mother did it. Your mother is the one who hurt you. Your father…killed her to stop her." Ethan said gently.

Jayden jerked and for a moment Ethan knew he was going to pull away from Ethan and walk out the door forever. Instead Jayden swallowed hard, gripped Ethan's hand almost painfully tightly and glared at the surface of the island in front of Madison.

"What happened." It was an order not a question.

"She had a history of psychiatric issues and a bad habit of self-medicating with well, anything really but primarily alcohol." Madison babbled and glanced at Ethan.

Jayden recalled the countless empty bodies and cans that had filled his childhood. In retrospect there were clearly too many for a single drinker no matter how dedicated. He nodded for her to go on.

"She snapped basically. A lot of details were left out of the report…cliff notes version is she was …hurting you. Your father told her to stop, she didn't, he tried to stop her and she cut him pretty badly so he. He uh, shot her. His father had pull, the crime scene and uh witness reports matched your father's account so the department and coroner's office did their best to avoid headlines. It was written up as an undetermined death, the coroner went on record stating it was impossible to determine if the fatal wound was accidental or self-inflicted. Case closed." Madison said and looked away from Jayden's rigid staring mask of a face to Ethan.

"That bastard saved my life." Jayden said stonily.

"That doesn't excuse the rest Norman." Ethan said gently. Jayden's grip on his hand slowly relaxed.

"Rebecca will be here soon. You said there were witness reports?" Jayden asked robotically.

"Only abstracts remain Jayden, summaries." Madison said gently.

"The witness was Rebecca."

"Yes, and the land lord. The neighbors uh complained about excessive noise. Apparently there was normally shouting from your parents' apartment but uh not –"

"Children screaming." Jayden said hollowly. He closed his eyes and focused on breathing focused on calm safe things like the shrink had said to do. Focused on Ethan's hand in his, _Ethan's hand in his_. Hot tears pressed to his eyelids, a lump tried to choke him, he felt shaky embarrassed and angry but Ethan was holding (_him_) his hand.

"Norman –" Someone said then fell silent.

Jayden straightened and wipe at his face with his free hand then let out a slow breath and took a deep one, repeated this three times and faced Madison.

"Rebecca can't be trusted. She'll come across as a victim, someone to be saved, someone given a raw deal. It works because she is … she was. But she's a predator first and foremost. Whatever she says or does, remember that. If not to protect your own property and the sanctity of your home, then for Shaun's sake. "

Ethan felt a pang as Jayden said, 'your home'. He squeezed his friend's hand again."Our home." He whispered leaning close to Jayden. Jayden turned as Ethan spoke and for a moment, a handful of heartbeats, they were so close they could kiss. Ethan's eyes widened, Jayden's pupils dilated, their lips parted, Jayden smelled Ethan's breath, sweet from brushing after lunch –then the moment was over and Madison was buzzing Rebecca Jayden into the building.

Jayden looked away from Ethan and took another slow deep breath. Ethan's head spun, there had been Something there, something on the verge…

"Do you want us here for this?" Madison asked grounding Jayden. Ethan realized she was pale, recalled she hadn't slept and had barely eaten. Typical behavior for her on a case. What wasn't typical was the lack of fire in her eyes, the resigned slope of her shoulders, the barely visible lines of tension in her face and her stance.

"Please." Jayden said softly looking down at his hand in Ethan's. Madison's sharp mind stuttered and tripped over the request, sifting and sorting the many layers to the request.

_Please stay with me, I'm afraid of what I might do or say to my vicious sibling._

_Please stay with me, the monster who made my life hell was actually my savior and now I get to unpack and re-examine thirty years of angst and hate._

_Please stay with me because I don't want to be alone … with who?_

It wasn't just that he wanted back up for dealing with his sister; it wasn't just that they were family, it was…The realization was like the moment a flicked finger strikes the first domino in a line setting off a beautiful and complex series of cause and effect. _Please don't go because I love you more than I should and I need you here with me **Ethan**. _

The thoughts and realizations stacked so quickly she didn't really have time to think them through before the front bell rang. Zombie-like she went to answer it. _My best friend is in love with my lover…._

She pressed pause on that thought, rolled her shoulders back and did her best to focus on Rebecca Jayden in all her dubious glory.


	13. Future Tense

"Sir?"

"You're absolutely positive?"

"I'm very sorry sir, I know this isn't the news you wanted –"

"Stop Handling me Michael. I do not need to be handled. Answer the question."

"Yes sir, we're absolutely positive. If you still wish to achieve your original timeline we must have his willing cooperation. Per the information we have and the expert opinions of the –"

"I see. Willing cooperation… that will be…difficult."

"We can take steps now to mitigate your public involvement in the program sir."

"I'm still a board member."

"Sir, if we could modify the timeline –"

"Out of the question."

"Sir, I understand it is very important and personal, I have a suggestion that may solve the problem."

"Very well Michael, you may speak."

"Thank you sir. I'm …guessing…that the most important aspect of the timeline is the season?"

"Go on."

"If you can tolerate a one year delay we'll stand a better chance of obfuscating the situation and winning his willing participation. It will take time, expertise, and well a great deal of money but the odds of success increase exponentially."

"Can he be manipulated?"

"Uncertain sir. Our experts advise his health is likely to be very fragile we should avoid unnecessary stress and all physical contact. Even elevated stress is strongly advised against. All of which leaves certain tactics –"

"Social engineering."

"Certainly sir but this is not a normal situation. We don't need his data or knowledge sir. We need him, his physiology is somehow uniquely suited –"

"He was an addict, yes?"

"Sir, resuming his utilization of triptocaine or any chemically related substances is all but guaranteed to kill him almost immediately."

Silence fell until David Harwell turned a page in the leather tome in his lap.

"You may go Michael, proceed along the extended deadline. Keep me apprised."

"Yes, sir, I'll implement the program immediately."


	14. Certain Things

_She looks better_, Jayden thought and wondered if that was because (_Ding dong the monsters dead_) their father was dead and her obligations sealed or if she was genuinely doing better. Of course it could also be a calculated ploy.

"Rebecca." He said as she entered the apartment. Her eyes widened as they drifted over the large shared room and finally settled on Jayden, then they narrowed slightly.

"Norman." She sighed. She was holding a battered file box, Madison took it from her and held it carefully.

"I uhm. I'm sorry I'm late." She said halfheartedly.

"It's fine, our plans for the day ran late." Ethan said glancing at Jayden.

"Becca…how much did you see?" Jayden asked as she started to shrug her coat off. She froze and stared at him blankly.

"I have some idea of what she did." He said calmly.

They heard a loud thump and a muttered statement from Shaun's room. Ethan glanced at Madison who nodded and he left to check on Shaun.

* * *

><p>"Shaun?" Ethan said gently as he opened his son's door.<p>

Shaun was sitting on the floor with a book in his hands blushing red and ignoring his father.

"Shaun, what did you hear?"

"Is Norman leaving?" He asked tossing the book aside and pulling his knees to his chest, he rested his cheek on his kneecaps and looked up at his father with bright moist eyes.

"What makes you ask that?" Ethan asked and sat next to the boy slinging an arm loosely around his shoulders.

"He's not happy and you've all been so serious."

"As far as I know Shaun he isn't going anywhere."

"Then what's going on?" Shaun asked almost angrily.

Ethan hesitated. Shaun wasn't exactly an innocent but he desperately wanted the boy to retain what innocence he had left.

"Dad, is it…Shelby?" The child asked quaveringly. Ethan snatched him into a bear hug and the boy began to cry softly. Ethan held his boy and soothed him.

"No Shaun, he's dead, he can never hurt us again. Norman…it's complicated but I don't think he'll leave Shaun he likes it here."

"But he's been so weird lately –"

"I know Shaun, I'm sorry. When you're older you can ask him about it okay?"

"Will he tell me?"

"I don't know, I think he will."

"Why can't anything be simple?" The boy asked wiping at his eyes.

* * *

><p>Rebecca slowly sat at one of the low couches not noticing when Madison took her coat and hung it up. Rebecca folded her hands and pinned them between her knees, hunched forward slightly and looked into the sightless middle distance before her.<p>

Jayden recognized the pose, it was how she would sit while their father raged at him. "Just flashes. I was pretty small and…I didn't…don't want to remember."

"Madison, the report?" He asked tightly not trusting himself to speak further. She handed the paperwork, scant as it was, to Rebecca.

Rebecca Jayden read it slowly, methodically. Norman wondered if she had ever read something so thoroughly before or maybe she just wasn't used to reading anymore. No, that was cruel, she had been an avid reader as a child.

An eternity later she set the documents down.

"Have you read this Normie?" Her voice seemed small and thin, somehow disconnected from her.

"No."

"Good, don't. What I remember…it doesn't conflict with this but I can't confirm most of it." She sighed and pressed the palms of her hands against her temples as though staving off a headache.

Jayden let a moment pass then asked, "You said there was paperwork?"

"It's in the box, you don't have to sign it now. The address of the lawyer is in there too. There's no real property it's mostly a formality."

"Will there be a service?" Madison asked gently while watching Norman. He was still sitting at the kitchen island, apparently disinterested in his sister but his body language spoke volumes. He was hunched over but his legs were clear of the island and poised to run, his torso was twisted to face the door and he was white knuckling the empty coffee mug again.

"No. He…there wasn't any reason to." Rebecca sighed and stood.

"Rebecca… Becca. Thank you." Jayden said stiffly and got to his feet.

"You don't have any reason to trust me or even like me Norman. You're right about me in a lot of ways that I'm ashamed to admit. But… as your sister, please don't read those journals. She was a sick woman and she's dead now."

"Thank you." He said hoarsely. Madison carefully extricated herself and went to her bedroom.

She sat on the bed and set the box on the floor in front of her. As a journalist she had a duty to find out the truth and report it. But to what end in this case? Was Rebecca right in that Norman couldn't handle the journals? Or was it one more low blow from a spiteful user hell bent on wounding everyone in reach? Ultimately what the hell did it matter anyway? She had given Norman veto power over the interview and it looked like the book was going to be his story so without his say-so there would be no book.

Which meant what exactly? She would do the research, write the book, and then put it in a trunk? Her editor and fans were expecting another blistering true crime thriller in 18 months…

She shook her head and stood up.

"Come on Madison think with your real heart and not your ego, this is Norman." She hissed at herself.

So, what now?

"Write the book, let Norman decide." She said firmly and knelt to open the box, Norman would need the paperwork at least.

Inside lay three leather books. They seemed to be old. The pages were unevenly cut and loosely bound as though done in a hurry or on the cheap. She ignored them and retrieved the crisp new manila folder from the top and put the lid back on.

* * *

><p>Norman watched Rebecca go and didn't move. He heard the low rise and fall of Ethan's voice accompanied by Shaun's lighter voice, unintelligible and fundamentally comforting. Did any of it change him? His life? So now he knew why he had visible scars. So?<p>

But it did matter, it did change things, it had to. He thought about the grandfather that had given enough of a damn to cover up his son's actions but not enough to pull his grandchildren out of his drunken reach. He wondered if the old bastard had visited him in the hospital. Had he even gone to a hospital?

The new information had done nothing to sort out the jumble of shattered memories. Just as well he supposed. He sat there thinking and remembering until he managed to work his hand free from the coffee mug. Then he refilled it with scotch and stood in front of one of the windows that let light into the room.

He thought about the good things in his life. About what he had accomplished in his time with the FBI, saving the Mars men and Madison. Even failing to save Shelby… in a way. Had it been enough? He felt as though somewhere out in the universe lay a pair of scales and for some reason he couldn't discern they were weighted against him. Even now.

Had grown heavier with his triptocaine use, his fearful hostility toward anyone who came into his life and threatened to be more than a colleague, his obstinate self-reliance…

He drank the liquor without tasting it or slowing down. He set the empty mug on the countertop and went for his coat. Everyone needs a day off.

* * *

><p>Ethan heard the door shut and frowned. He had put Shaun to bed early, the boy was past the age where such was necessary but he had endured a long emotional weekend with his mother and his worries about Norman had taken a toll. He kissed the sleeping boy's forehead and quietly left.<p>

Jayden was gone, Ethan retrieved the mug from the counter caught the faint whiff of liquor and frowned. Since getting clean he had sampled alcohol sparingly and with great care.

"Ethan?" Madison said softly leaving their room.

"Shaun's asleep, Norman?"

"He went out." Ethan sighed. "I should go after him if he's been drinking –"

"Ethan we need to talk, it can't wait, not if you're going to follow him."

"Why?"

"Because it's about him."

"Madison if you're going to say he's not safe –"

"No, I'm not. Just…we need to talk okay? Look Norman took his cell with him, you can give him a call or even track him with that. He agreed to GPS monitoring in case we needed him on short notice right?"

Ethan nodded reluctantly, it had been an aspect of the contract he hated but Norman had insisted on.

"Okay then." She said with a sigh and took his hand, lead him into their room and sat on their bed. He frowned at her then sat next to her and took her other hand.

"Hey, what is it?" He asked gently.

"I think… I think he has feelings for you Ethan."

"Of course he does he saved my life –"

"Romantic feelings Ethan."

"What?" Ethan asked reflexively though he immediately thought about his heightened awareness of Norman from earlier.

"Go after him Ethan but be aware okay? I love you if…you reciprocate his feelings we can make this work. It won't be easy but…"

"You're amazing." He whispered and pulled her close, kissed her hard.

She broke the embrace first, skin flushed, eyes bright wanting nothing more than to finish things properly. Instead she placed an affectionate peck on his cheek and whispered, "Bring him back home I'll be here for Shaun." She pulled away rose and pulled him to his feet.

"Ethan I love you and I trust you this will be harder than you think but..." She trailed off. Ethan kissed her again hard and hungry then his eyes lingered on her, appreciating her wisdom and confidence in him, in _them_, her compassion and love for Jayden, he left.

"Jayden, it's Ethan, call me back we need to talk okay?" He spat into the phone suddenly desperately worried for Jayden as the elevator seemed to crawl to the ground floor. He was rocking on his heels and chewing his lip by the time the doors opened. It hadn't been that long, only a few minutes really and if Jayden had been drinking before he left he wouldn't be moving very quickly, maybe if he was lucky – the doors opened and he bolted out cell phone still in hand.

He thought he saw Jayden down the block. That familiar stiff stride, so emotional and so uncomfortable with emotion, that was Jayden, a profiler by nature because it was easier to analyze than indulge, safer. Ethan cursed himself for missing Jayden's feelings, for being so blind and consumed with _his _life.

He started to jog.


	15. Future Tense II

"You have an update Michael?"

"Yes sir, the program is exceeding expectations –"

"Norman Jayden Michael, that is the only thing you need report on."

"Sir there have been complications."

"The Mars family."

"Yes sir, their presence and impact were never anticipated. We've had to retool our approach, consider the ramifications of their potential involvement –"

"Your verdict Michael?"

"Sir, we won't be able to lie to him. We must answer every question clearly and completely."

"My involvement has been obscured?"

"As much as is legally possible yes sir, we can go further, alter records but if he uses ARI the deception will be uncovered."

"Your recommendation?"

"Proceed on the up and up. Per our psychological reports he'll feel compelled to assist if he genuinely believes he can help save lives."

"Your recommendation is that we approach him honestly and openly?"

"Y-yes sir."

"Interesting… Michael, do it. Immediately –"

"S-sir we're not at the opportune moment for recruitment. Yet that is."

"How long?"

"Per the approved timetable… six months."

"Very well Michael, you're dismissed."

"Yes sir, thank you sir."

"I'm rather fond of you Michael, do not disappoint me."

There was a revolted shudder, the soft creak of leather, a lingering scent of an herbal cigarette, and silence.


	16. Are Worth the Wait

Ethan could see that the figure was Jayden now. He forced his tiring legs to move faster to keep churning, he regretted not taking up jogging like he'd intended to now. Jayden moved ahead, head lowered, shoulders hunched, hands jammed into his coat barely paying attention to where he was walking. The corner was coming, once there Jayden could catch a bus, hail a cab, cross the street or turn down an alley...

Half panicked Ethan took a gulp of air and shouted, "Norman!" The low hum of the city street swallowed up his cry. He kept running, felt sweat trickle down his back, wondered how time could stand still and race away from him at the same time.

Again he cried out, "Jayden!" This time he was certain Jayden half-heard the call, Norman hesitated in his next step but didn't look, didn't stop.

_Of course_ Ethan thought desperately_ Strangers probably shout at him too, use his name like they have a right to it._

He was only a half block away now, close enough to see that Jayden hadn't changed before leaving, only put on shoes. He looked like an extra from a 90s grunge band music video. Ethan cursed his too slow legs, his middle aged well fed body for its sluggish response.

He called out again, "Jay-" And started to cough, bent double cleared his throat and looked up. Jayden was facing him. Ethan grinned and suddenly the pain and exhaustion were forgotten. He started jogging again but where before it had been a panicked sprint now it was an easy ground eating lope.

"Ethan?" Jayden asked shocked to see Ethan chasing him down.

"Y-you didn't a-answer your phone." Ethan stammered red faced and gasping for breath.

Jayden put a hand on Ethan's shoulder, steadied him, and again Ethan felt that electric thrill. Hated himself for being so blind, so obliviously self-involved.

"You were drinking, I was worried." Ethan explained shyly.

"I had one drink you lunatic." Jayden said and the ghost of a smile sketched his features bringing another bolt of adrenaline and realization to Ethan.

_My god he's beautiful_ Ethan thought disjointedly.

"Come on, if you want to get shit faced it's your right but you don't get to drink alone." Ethan said still breathless but recovering.

"You're ridiculous." Jayden said softly eyes lingering on the lines of concern and self-conscious embarrassment of Ethan's face.

In reply Ethan hailed a cab.

* * *

><p><em>How do you tell your best friend that you know he loves you?<em> Ethan wondered. He had been happily in love with Grace until Jason's death, it had been his guilt and feelings of failure as much as her revulsion and blame that had driven them apart. But he had known he was bisexual for as long as he could remember. He had met Madison so soon after his marriage imploded and fallen so hard for her he hadn't imagined ever dating a man again. Then Madison had sat him down and discussed her preference for an open relationship months after they had managed to heal the rift between them. He had found himself wholeheartedly agreeing. True, so far there hadn't been any long term relationships or anything outside his relationship with Madison for him but he had been too busy _self-involved_ to engage in any.

Admittedly Jayden becoming a third in their family would lead to complications, probably more than a few hurt feelings and debates over household chores but goddamnit it was _ Jayden_.

"You're quiet." Norman said as the cab slowed and stopped.

"Catching my breath?" Ethan suggested. Jayden spared him a thin lipped smile. Ethan crawled out first and paid the cabbie as Jayden followed.

The bar was a hole in the wall but it had been Ethan's favorite since arriving in the city with Grace. It specialized in blues and old school rock. Served excellent drinks at a reasonable rate – a working class person or student could afford to visit at least one night a week without going bankrupt – and they were good to their regulars.

"Hey Mars who's the pretty boy?" Faye a thirty-something willowy woman of impressive height called as he entered. The bar was thinly populated, too early in the day for hardcore drinkers, too late in the week for partying youths.

"This is Norman, Faye two of the usual?"

"Sure thing, whaddaya want on the juke?"

"Surprise me." He said with a small smile.

Faye had been working at Al's Hole in the Wall for ten years. She started out as a student and stuck around because it turned out she hated school and made better money at the bar. A decade of people watching had taught her a thing or two. Like the fact that this was a first date.

She mixed two gin and tonics – light on tonic and brought them to Ethan's table then sat down.

"So tell me about yourself Norman." She asked and slid the drink to him.

The tall pale man looked like he was either 19 or 50. Somewhere in there at least. The shadows in his eyes said 50, the blush when he thought Ethan wasn't paying attention said 19.

"Not much to tell how about you Faye?"

"I sling liquor to meatheads like your boyfriend. You?"

"Burnt out federal agent." Norman said and grinned at her. He didn't mind that she had called Ethan his boyfriend. It was flattering, he liked the fantasy of it.

"Hey you that guy that y'know helped out Mars here?"

"Yeah… I am." Norman said and glanced down at the drink.

"Well shit kid, drinks are on me, Mars, why did you take your sweet time bringing this tall drink of hero around here?" she chastised as Ethan fiddled with the juke box.

"I wanted to be sure he was prepared for your special charm Faye, what the hell is wrong with this thing?" He groused glaring down at the jukebox.

"Twenty-five years of dumbasses fucking around with her sensitive bits is what. Move over, your date is getting lonely." She chuckled getting up. He threw up his hands dramatically and returned to the table.

"Is she for real?" Jayden asked.

"You tell me, you're the profiler."

"Ex-profiler."

"A technicality."

"She has a heavy hand." Norman said taking a healthy pull of the drink. His tone was complimentary.

"She's the best thing to happen to this place in years."

"Ethan…about earlier."

"Listen, you don't have to say anything, okay?" Ethan said softly, and then taking his courage in two metaphorical hands, he reached out and took Jayden's right hand and squeezed it warmly.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to ever again." Ethan whispered staring into Jayden's eyes.

Jayden, angry, confused, hurting and hopeful uttered a mental, _fuck it you only live once_, then pulled Ethan forward by their clasped hands, hard enough to rock the little table though neither registered it, and kissed him.

All the need and loneliness, the pointless longing and warm lingering love he had held back for as long as he could really remember knowing Ethan poured into the kiss. He opened his eyes expecting Ethan to pull away, to shout at him, to demand the keys to the apartment back –

Instead Ethan's free hand clamped onto the back of Norman's neck, holding him in place as Ethan's lips parted and his tongue slipped into Jayden's hungry mouth.

Jayden lost track of time, he knew it couldn't have been more than a few seconds but all he was aware of was Ethan's taste, the tropical tang of tonic and the sharp under burn of gin, the firmness of his lips, his warmth, his probing tongue, his strong hand and then he was gasping for breath, seeing stars and stunned beyond words.

"I give it a nine." Faye called from her post at the jukebox, then she tossed one shapely hip against the jukebox and Clapton's Wonderful Tonight started to play.

The men cracked up.

"Christ Ethan –"

"I'm an idiot Jayden, I'm so sorry." He said softly and Jayden realized Ethan was embarassed.

"Hey it's… okay alright? You had shit to deal with. I had shit to deal with; fuck Madison had shit to deal with – is she okay with this?"

"Who the hell do you think sent me after you?"

"God I had no idea that you… you were –"

"Bi? Why would you? It's not like you had any reason to. Look Jay – can I call you that?"

"Only if you tell me why."

"Because when I was running after you it was the only name you reacted to."

"Oh. Okay." He was blushing again.

"Madison is okay with this, at least for now I…shit I've never done anything like this. So here's what I know. I love you, both of you. Massively passionately but separately, individually, together we're better people. I don't know if that will cross over into uh other things or what but … why not try?"

"She has to come first Ethan, for your sake and Shaun's. Shaun oh fuck what will he think?"

"That nothing has changed? I mean hell if things work out we'll suddenly have one less bedroom and a really really nice library."

"You think it will be that easy?"

"Yes and no. But hey we're in therapy and Madison is a wise and modern person."

"My head is spinning."

"Booze? Stress relief?" Ethan teased and was rewarded with more blushing.

"This is…great, really but I'm kind of…overwhelmed I guess."

"Yeah… shit timing I'm sorry."

"Don't you fucking dare be sorry Ethan. Not about this, ever." Jayden said fiercely. Ethan blinked, taken aback.

"I love you Ethan, I don't know if you love me or its infatuation or flattery or you just want to be with a guy again – I don't care about why." He snapped as Ethan looked like he would interrupt. "That kiss? That was the happiest I remember being in …god years. Since I sat in that ambulance and looked at you, Madison, and Shaun and knew we had won okay? So… so don't apologize for timing or anything else, don't you dare. Because it's not fair so just…don't, okay?"

"Okay." Ethan said and pushed the remnants of Jayden's mostly spilled drink toward him.

"O…okay?"

"You're right." Ethan said enjoying Jayden's discomfiture.

"That was easy."

"Drink your alcohol Jay."

"Trying to get me liquored up?"

"Maybe. Look you've had what, the second? Third? Worst week in your life? Hmm maybe fourth, you have a talent for shitty life drama let's admit it so the least I can do is help you get hammered." Ethan teased.

"I shouldn't." Jayden said and a shadow flickered across his happy face leaving a touch of melancholy in its place.

"Why?" Ethan asked gently.

"I… I never really stop craving Tripto Ethan. I never will. It's not exactly a common drug but lowering my inhibitions, it's…risky."

"No problem. We can go home…"

"What about Shaun and Madison?"

"I'll call the school and give Shaun a day off, Madison won't care and I know this great little hotel –"

"Check please!" Jayden said with a smile.

They stood on the curb outside the bar waiting for the cab Faye had called for them. Ethan was a hair taller than Jayden, enough that he could loop an arm around Jayden's shoulders without it being awkward. Jayden leaned against him, mind racing through the events of the day. Alternating between disbelief and grief at his mother's actions and joy in Ethan's arms.

"Anyone ever tell you that you think too much?"

"No –" Ethan kissed him, a hard sneak attack of a kiss that left Jayden breathless and flushed as the cab pulled up. His ears rang and cheeks burned as Ethan pulled him in to the car. He didn't hear what Ethan said, still too enamored, too drunk at the casual possessive way Ethan touched him to give a damn about the surrounding world.

Ethan sat back and pulled Jayden against him, half spooning him in the cramped confines of the cab's back seat. The cabbie glanced in his rearview, caught Jayden's eye and grinned at him.

"You two guys are pretty adorable how long you been together?"

"Not long enough." Ethan murmured and leaned around Jayden to kiss him again.

"Love man ain't it grand." The cabbie crowed and pulled into traffic turning up his radio and singing along to it.


	17. Future Tense III

"Michael, are you reporting a delay?"

"Sir, no sir, quite the contrary, the influence of Mars and Paige, the responsibility of caring for the Mars boy they've vastly improved his state of mind and health. He's even visiting a therapist regularly."

"You do, of course, realize that a too swift progression of events could also be disastrous do you not Michael?"

"Y-yes sir. We don't anticipate changing the timeline, the odds of success have improved greatly that uh that's all sir."

"Very well Michael, when will you make the approach?"

"S-seven weeks sir."

"Excellent. Go, I am busy."

"Yes sir."

The creak of leather again and the softest of sounds, almost a memory echo, a sound of resignation.


	18. Endings are Beginnings

Madison spent the next day half asleep listening to Shaun play videogames in his room. She roused herself around noon and made lunch for them both and texted Ethan.

_You have to come home sometime, what do you want for dinner? Say hi to Norman._

She smirked and hit send.

"Where are Dad and Jayden?" Shaun asked around a mouthful of peanut butter and jelly.

"They're kind of having a private guy's day. They'll be back later."

* * *

><p>Jayden woke slowly. His head hurt and he was sore but it was a bone deep satisfied sore. Ethan was still asleep head pillowed on Jayden's chest, warm breath tickling Jayden's skin. Ethan's free hand rested on Jayden's scarred stomach. Jayden ran his fingers through Ethan's hair and tried not to think, not to worry and second guess. He was on the cusp of real happiness, of having a real family.<p>

There would be things to work out in the future. How public they should be, what to tell Madison's publicist, how to explain things to Shaun, how to handle things at school if or more likely _when_ Shaun's friends figured things out…but nothing that couldn't wait at least a few hours.

Ethan's phone buzzed drunkenly from the top of the night table nearest to Jayden. He retrieved it worried about Shaun and chuckled at the message. Ethan stirred and sat up, roused by Jayden's laugh. Jayden handed over the phone by way of explanation. Ethan read it then tossed it aside and pulled Jayden close then kissed him slow and long savoring each sensation.

"I guess you don't mind morning breath." Jayden chuckled.

"I fear nothing in pursuit of lust." Ethan growled.

* * *

><p>"What were you guys working on?" Shaun asked as Madison locked the apartment. She was stir crazy so had decided a trip to Shaun's favorite park was in order.<p>

"Some stuff for the book."

"About Norman?"

"Yep."

"Was it bad stuff?"

"Well honey you know Norman has been through a lot some of it is pretty bad."

"He's gonna be okay though right?"

"I think that he is going to be way more than okay kiddo."

"Good." Shaun said emphatically.

Things went far better than Jayden hoped. Shaun didn't bat an eye when they explained that his father was dating Madison and Jayden but Jayden and Madison weren't dating each other. Madison updated her agent and publisher neither had any problem with it and she kept working on the book fairly certain that it would never be published, or at least not while any of them were still alive.


	19. Homecoming

"How do you feel about a career spent mired in controversy?"

Jayden blinked and looked from the interviewer to Madison and back to the interviewer. He was a lean young man that smiled too much and seemed to have hair made of plastic.

"I'm not really sure how to answer that." Jayden admitted.

"Well you went from one of the best and brightest to one of the most publicly reviled Agents in the Bureau's public history."

"All I can say is I did my best to solve cases and save lives. I didn't and don't write policy." Jayden said coolly.

"You have to understand that Norman is still very loyal to the F.B.I. and is further gagged by the need to keep details of past cases secure to avoid impacting future prosecution." Madison said smoothly.

"Very understandable Ms. Paige. Tell us a little about your new book."

"It's a look back on the Scott Shelby case and the survivors, where we are now, how the case has impacted our lives and -"

"It's our understanding that quite a large portion of the book is devoted to Mr. Jayden's early life and time with the F.B.I., is that accurate?"

"Yes it is but again it's important to remember that many of the cases and events he has been involved in are still under wraps."

"Did you two work closely on researching the manuscript?"

"Absolutely, in fact Norman had complete veto power and I didn't even send a draft to my agent until he was satisfied with it. And let me just say for anyone that may suspect we whitewashed his past to make it more palatable or save face that is completely false. What people don't know is that he's actually a really shy person."

Jayden felt himself blushing and prayed the cameras weren't on him. He glanced offstage to where he had last seen Ethan and Shaun standing only to see a stagehand running a cable in their place. He chewed the inside of his lip and tuned back in to the interview.

"I'd like to get back to Norman for a moment. Now, you have a public reputation for being difficult to work with and hostile. I have to say that was the impression I received from your brief media exposure during the Origami Killer case wrap up and later during your...difficulties...with the Bureau but all that said this book really did a great job of helping to at least help explain those reactions. Can you tell us a little bit about why you may have developed that kind of reputation?"

"Uhm. I'm not sure. What do you mean?"

"Well, not all agents consistently avoid media attention when thrust into the spotlight, in fact some have cultivated the media and gone on to successful book and speaking careers."

"So why not me?"

"Yes, in a phrase, why not you?" The interviewer said with a charming laugh.

Jayden considered his reply for a moment, thinking through all the tips and advice that Madison and their handlers had given time and again.

"Because I don't matter. Look when I put on my badge and walked in to a murder scene it wasn't Norman Jayden F.B.I. Agent on the scene it was never...it's not about me or any other agent it's about the victim, the survivors, the families and friends left with questions, it's about stopping a killer and keeping people safe. So why didn't I kiss media ass and make nice with incompetent local police? Because it doesn't get me closer to the killers and it doesn't save lives. Didn't I guess I should say. I never wanted any of this attention. I didn't want to write a book or even be in one. Madison had to convince me. I guess that's what I want to say the most with this book and this tour...it's not about the cop it's about what the cop achieves. It's not about the killers it's about the people they kill and the people they leave behind. Also I'm kinda hard wired to be an asshole." He said in a somewhat breathless rush feeling blood heat his face again.

Madison squeezed his hand and he took a deep breath. The interviewer praised his reply and they wrapped up quickly.

"Think any of that will actually air?" He asked Madison as a tech removed the mic from his suit coat.

"Definitely, now what parts and how edited..."

"Jesus I hate this."

"I know Norman don't worry too much. One more week on the tour and three more interviews and it's back home for good."

"No more sequels?"

"Scouts honor." She said and kissed him on the cheek.

"You'd think by now I'd be immune to blushing." Jayden sighed as the soft brush of her lips on his cheek reminded him of the heat he'd felt rising during his little speech.

"You are never allowed to be immune to blushing, it does wonderful things to your eyes." Madison chided.

Shaun and Ethan were backstage in the green room. Shaun looked bored and Ethan looked tired. The publisher had agreed to a release schedule that let the tour fall during Shaun's vacation but it was still a seriously heavy three weeks of travel and chaos. They were all looking forward to the end of the week and a return flight home.

"Next stop?" Ethan asked.

"The hotel." Jayden said wearily.

"No bookstore?" Shaun asked.

"No actually but there is a library signing later tonight." Madison teased.

* * *

><p>"Sir?"<p>

"Progress report?"

"Yes sir, the book tour has complicated things."

"Understood."

"We're still on track but certain aspects have had to be...modified. Your presence has been minimized on public documentation but we can't uh remove him from his present life as precipitously as we might like."

"You need more time?"

"More transparency sir."

"The long con?"

"We need to convince him and the rest of his...family, and quickly, I think we will need to present a version of the truth to do so."

"I see. Proceed."

* * *

><p>Jayden dreamed. He was alone in the loft apartment back home. It was completely stripped and bare. Just walls and floor and windows. He was barefoot and shivering, standing in the middle of the loft and looking around trying to remember where their things had gone, where Ethan, Madison and Shaun had gone.<p>

Then he realized they had never been there in the first place.

He sat up with a choked cry.

"Shhh hey it's okay." Ethan soothed sleepily. Jayden turned and faced Ethan, saw Madison's shoulder in the moonlight leaking through their hotel window and slowly sat back.

"Come here." Ethan said and pulled Jayden to him until he was spooning him. The warmth and strength of Ethan's arms and body against Jayden's back drove off the last of the dream.

"God I wish this was over with."

"Just a few more days and you'll be a best selling author along with Madison, you'll be rich and famous and back home where everyone knows you're a curmudgeon and life will go on." Ethan murmured and hugged Jayden briefly.

"Maybe I'll sleep the night through for a change." He sighed and relaxed against Ethan.

* * *

><p>Morning came early and loud. Someone down the hall was in a shouting match. Loud enough to be annoying but too muffled to be interesting. Jayden sat up and found Ethan and Madison gone.<p>

"Bad dream?" Madison asked Ethan as they ate breakfast waiting for Jayden to wake up.

"Probably."

"You didn't ask?"

"Nope."

"Come on you know the best way to kill a dream is to talk it out."

"It was four in the morning Madison." Ethan sighed.

"Fine when he has the same dream tonight - which he will now- you can talk it out then."

"Or you can."

"Or I _will" _She corrected_._

"Can we do something fun when we get back?" Shaun asked.

"What? Traipsing around the country in a whole three weeks isn't fun?" Ethan said in mock shock.

Shaun made a face at him.

"Careful kid it'll stick that way. I saw it on a movie once." Jayden said yawning and walking into the living area of the suite.

"Yeah I bet you read about it on the internet too." Shaun scoffed.

* * *

><p>The interview hit big. It was only lightly edited and Jayden was mortified to see the director or camera person or whoever it was that made up the final show had <em>zoomed in<em> every damn time he blushed.

By the end of the week and the end of the tour the interview was still hot news but the family were heading home and Jayden was putting it out of his mind. Madison's publisher's handler praised his handling of the garish interviewer, Charles Farmer, and his refusal to throw the Bureau to the wolves. During their prep time this point had been stressed to him. No one wanted to piss off the F.B.I.

Jayden had been amused by this focus. He didn't have any love for the F.B.I. but it was an impersonal machine. He hadn't been singled out due to any personal grudge he had simply been an inconvenient lump on the path the machine needed to smooth and straighten to ensure optimum efficiency. At some point he had made his personal peace with the faceless wonder and even let go of his resentment toward lifers like Snaff. What was done was done and if things hadn't gone the way he had he wouldn't be sitting in a limo with his best friend, lover, and surrogate son on the way back to thier very comfortable lives. So fuck it.

"All in all you did really really well. Sales projections have almost doubled!" The handler crowed. Jayden knew her name but constantly thought of her as a shrill little bantam rooster and had taken to thinking of her as Red Rooster in his head. She was very good at her job and nice enough but he simply didn't understand how she could get so incredibly excited over projected statistics.

"Good." Jayden said.

"We couldn't have done it without your help Wendy. You've been invaluable." Madison said sweetly.

"Thank you Madison but really with two lookers like you two and such an amazing story there wasn't much more for me to do."

Hours later back in the loft Jayden wondered about that. He understood on an intellectual level that strangers were fascinated by his life and story, knew that his face and name were known beyond their city but the reality of it, the visceral fact of it still eluded him.

"Where's your head at?" Ethan asked.

Shaun was in bed worn out by the long flight after the whirlwind tour. Madison was nearby working on emails and social media correspondence that had piled up.

"I don't get why people care about our story. I mean I do but...I don't."

"That's why I love you, terminal humility." Ethan said and laughed.

"No one could fake your flavor of humility." Madison agreed.

* * *

><p>"It isn't humility." Madison said to Ethan hours later. He was looking over her shoulder doing a second read of her tour wrap up article while Jayden slept in their shared room.<p>

"I know, he's genuinely baffled by the attention."

"It's more than that. He grew up convinced he was shit Ethan. He has spent his life proving otherwise."

"He's a profiler-"

"Which doesn't mean he's self aware enough to consciously acknowledge it."

"This looks great." Ethan said and straightened.

"Heading to bed?" She asked with an arched brow.

"Down girl I'm exhausted and he's alseep -"

"Give me an hour to wrap up." She grinned wolfishly.

* * *

><p>Jayden realized just how much things had changed two days later. Ethan had started out consulting on architectural projects and taking small projects on from an office in their building. He had planned to expand and turn the bulk of the building into a firm he would oversee and keep the loft above. The few remaining tenants had plenty of time to find another place or stay - Ethan had assured them he wouldn't force them out - and the planned firm still hadn't started to take shape.<p>

His consulting work on the other hand was doing nicely. He had an assistant and a junior partner and was making a very reasonable salary. So while his office on the ground floor seemed more than adequate he had been debating converting the rest to more apartments or opening them up for business use.

Two days after the conclusion of the book tour Jayden tagged along with Ethan to work - Shaun was at his mother's and Madison was out on a story- and found out just how much their lives were going to change.

Marcelle greeted them at the door.

"Boys you have stirred up some shit with your trip." She sighed.

"Sorry?" Ethan suggested.

"Paparazzi, actual, honest to god paparazzi." She sighed and gestured at the glass windows doubling as walls for the office.

"Shit." Jayden breathed. There were only a half dozen of them but a quick look at their camera equipment confirmed to him that they would be able to get a close up on each pore of his face should they so choose to.

"You said it." Marcelle agreed.

"Do our clients know?" Ethan asked.

"I took the liberty of rescheduling today's appointments to later in the week citing your ill health after so much traveling because I'm amazing."

"Truer words were never spoken." Jayden grinned.

"Anyway I mostly wanted to let you know so you could decide how much of your life to make public. These shitheads will snap anything they can and make up any nasty shit they can to sell their rags with."

"Good point. If we get caught kissing on camera -" Jayden said worriedly only to have Ethan cut him off with a deep passionate kiss.

"Solves that quandary." Marcelle snorted.

"Let the headlines commence." Ethan grinned as he released Jayden. Jayden was blushing again.

"Jesus Ethan-"

"Relax we talked about this already, remember?"

And Jayden did. Right before the tour they had a sit down with Red Rooster and explained the nature of their relationship. She had been thrilled by it and congratulated them. Assured them that if it leaked it would only help sales so it was really up to them. Madison had emphatically stated that there was nothing shameful about their lives and nearly insisted on a press release then and there. Still, Jayden didn't trust the public and he sure as shit didn't trust the media. They might not be doing a damn thing wrong or immoral to _them_ but this was a world that loved nothing more than judgment.

"Ohh right. Okay then." He said and grinned hiding his worry.

"You people are crazy." Marcelle sighed and handed Ethan a stack of folders.

"You should give them an interview, but makes sure to squeeze five figures for it." Ethan said solemnly as he accepted the folders.

"Shit I already have a stack of business cards, you want me to play it straight or live it up?" She grinned.

"Play it straight. Fuck it why not?" Jayden said.

"I should call Madison." Ethan said and excused himself.

"You okay? You look tired." Marcelle asked as Ethan went to his desk.

"I hate talkling about myself. So naturally going on a three week national tour where I did that pretty much the whole time was not the highlight of my life."

"You did good, I caught you on that asshole Farmer's show. You were passionate, real. Probably the best interview that dumbass has ever had."

"You think?"

"Son you managed to embarrass the hell out of the F.B.I. without even hinting at any animosity toward them and simultaneously bash the shit out of all those publicity hound cops out there without naming names or making enemies. Best of all you meant every damn syllable. That's why I love you, you're a terrible liar and hate the spotlight."

"Flatterer."

"Let's check Twitter, see if your lover made the news feeds yet."

They had. Charming 140 character bursts of so called communication were filling the internet with speculation, caustic indictments, defenses, offenses, speculation and general chaos.

"Neat." Jayden said feeling a little sick at some of the comments.

Marcelle looked wounded and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Madison is up to date, I better check in with our clients I wouldn't put it past a few to back away from us." Ethan said from his desk.

"Sure you don't want damage control?" Jayden asked.

"Positive. Besides you and Madison are about to be bestsellers again." Ethan snorted.

"Riiiight. I'm going to head upstairs..." Jayden laughed and squeezed Marcelle's hand on his shoulder. Maybe he wasn't the only realist.

* * *

><p>"It's a relief honestly." Madison said as they split a half bottle of wine over lunch. Shaun had woken late and was now in his room reading. He was growing into a quiet and observant young man. He had his father's arresting eyes and dark hair but the fine bones and jawline of his mother. He was a handsome kid and would be popular with his peers regardless of his own dubious notoriety.<p>

"What about Shaun?" Jayden asked.

"You mean the potential for asshole comments at school? Shaun is smart and he has a good heart, he knew this was going to happen. It's going to suck, hopefully it will suck less than more but...well the world is a vicious place that doesn't tolerate differences well. Especially differences regarding sex that aren't hidden away like a sin."

"At least he's got the rest of summer vacation to take the edge off." Jayden sighed.

Madison's phone rang she sighed and picked it up. She had set it to vibrate after the thirtieth call and started screening messages.

"It's Sal." She said and answered.

"What's up Sal?"

"Ha ha very funny Paige you know what's up."

"I'm an investigative journalist Sal I don't need to investigate my own love life - no, why should I? Quadruple my fee then. Fine you cheap -that's what I thought. I'm only writing one article on this for you. I don't care take it or leave it. Okay." She hung up with a scowl.

"So how much is quadruple your fee?" Jayden asked and scooted her glass close to her again.


	20. Job Offer

One month after the end of the tour Jayden got a job offer. The media frenzy was still constant but had died down to a steady buzz. Photographers still lurked, Jayden suspected that they would continue to do so for years, but they had learned to live with it. Happily the majority of the press had focused on the adorable star quality of the trio and left Shaun out of it. There were a few outliers but Jayden was still Shaun's bodyguard which meant he got to handle the more aggressive opportunists himself.

Shaun was in the kitchen staring in to the refrigerator when Jayden came in with the mail. Shaun was a full-fledged teenager now and starting to show signs of the man he would be one day. He was athletic and intelligent but quiet, observant he wasn't the boisterous kid in class but when he did speak up his words hit hard.

"Hollow leg?" Jayden asked.

Shaun smiled softly. "Anything good in the mail?"

"Take a look." Jayden said and handed Shaun the mail. He poured a cup of coffee and checked the time debating starting dinner. Madison was on a new story so her routine would be impossible to predict and Ethan was downstairs with Michelle working on a few last minute changes to a nearly finished plan.

"Here." Shaun said and handed Jayden an envelope. Jayden frowned at it before accepting it. He didn't get a lot of mail. He never really had and with email and digital communications taking over the small amount he used to receive had largely dried up. Particularly since his only employer post-FBI lived with him.

The return address was in Chicago and listed a company called Digital Forensics Unleashed. He frowned harder and opened it.

_Dear Mr. Jayden,_

_We are a cutting edge technology focused organization that partners with law enforcement and public safety organizations around the country. We work to bring the best tools to first responders and public safety personnel to ensure they can do their jobs quickly, accurately, and thoroughly. We're contacting you today regarding an exciting opportunity with our East Coast branch._

_As you well know the F.B.I.'s ARI program was scrapped due to safety and logistical concerns. Two years ago we took over the defunct ARI program and revisited it. With the help of dedicated experts and medical teams we have re-engineered the ARI interface to be safer, more accurate, and more cost effective._

_We are contacting you today to request your presence at a meeting in two weeks with our local representative. We feel that you are uniquely equipped to assist in the revitalization of the ARI program. We are prepared to offer generous compensation and will present a full package of benefits and options to you during our meeting._

_Sincerely,_

_Emmet Wake, C.E.O._

Jayden read it twice then folded it and put it on the island in the kitchen, sat at the island like a robot and tried to keep his thoughts from racing out of control.

_ARI was active again._ The thought echoed through him like a gunshot, he felt the bone deep longing for tripto spread like fire through his frame. He knew, had _known_ that ARI was being used again. But…privatized? He felt his guts twist and a coldness seep into the hollows carved out by the tripto craving.

Shaun was at his elbow saying something. Norman couldn't hear him, couldn't reply, momentarily overwhelmed by memory and sensation.

Shaun stared at Norman for a moment as the older man slowly sat and stared into space. Jayden's face was frozen and fists clenched, he was pale and a thin sheen of sweat glistened on his forehead.

"Jay? Are you okay?" Shaun asked and put a hand on Jayden's shoulder, Norman didn't react at all.

Frightened Shaun picked up the letter and read it quickly. He frowned over it slowly putting together bits and pieces.

Ethan hadn't wanted him to read Madison's books, though he knew a fair bit about Jayden's public life. Living with Jayden, hearing snatches of midnight conversations, Jayden crying out in the night, Shaun's own memories of Scott Shelby, one early morning catching a shirtless Jayden and seeing the scars on his chest…he knew Jayden was a complicated damaged person but he didn't understand why Jayden was having such a reaction to a job offer. He decide to read Madison's books as soon as possible.

In the meantime he called Ethan. "Dad? Jayden got a letter, something about ARI he's not taking it well, he won't talk to me. I'm kind of scared for him –okay, of course. I love you too."

Shaun hung up as a wave of relief flowed over him. Ethan was coming home immediately.

"Jay? Dad's coming okay?" Shaun said softly and took Jayden's hand in his own. It felt clammy but Jayden squeezed his hand and looked at him, managed a smile.

"I'm okay, I'm sorry I…I was surprised." Jayden mumbled. Shaun looked into Jayden's gentle face, lightly stubbled and lean but beloved. He loved Jayden his other father fiercely. Jayden who had risked his life and nearly lost it to save not only Shaun but Ethan. Impulsively Shaun hugged Jayden tightly and held on until he heard the front door open. Ethan came in at a fast walk.

"Norman?"

Shaun released him and Jayden stood slowly but surely and smiled at his lover.

"I'm okay Ethan I…it just hit me…odd." He mumbled and blushed. Ethan embraced him and held him then kissed him gently and released him. Norman blushed furiously and smiled shyly but relaxed. Ethan read the letter while Shaun made coffee.

"They privatized ARI?"

"Looks like it."

"ARI?" Shaun asked.

Ethan looked at Jayden, the look said 'this is your show'. Ethan had kept much of Jayden's darkness from Shaun to protect his son and his lover. He had appreciated that Shaun seemed to instinctively respect Jayden's privacy and past. Of course what his son heard from friends, online…that was out of his hands.

"ARI was an interface that I used on Shelby's case. It allowed me to collect, analyze, and link evidence and profile aspects far faster and more accurately than traditional methods but…it had side effects. Those side effects were part of why I stepped down from the BAU. They re-tooled ARI and I used it to close a case but it was politically sensitive and cost me my position."

"It sounds like it could be dangerous in private hands." Shaun said cautiously. Jayden thought of the reams of databases, the auto-signed basic warrant templates, the detailed chemical analysis all available at the swipe of a finger or nod of the head via ARI. He felt cold.

"Yes." He said softly and slowly let out a breath.

"The complications Jay…is that why you took tripto?" Shaun asked quietly, tentatively.

Jayden looked at him, to Shaun's relief his second father looked sad instead of angry.

"There was never just one reason Shaun but…that was probably the final straw."

"Do you want to take this job?" Ethan asked gently.

"I don't know, I…I think I should hear them out if only so Madison can expose their shitty idea to the public. I don't think privacy advocates are going to be too happy about something so powerful being in private corporate hands."

"Jay…you don't have to do this. You can tell Madison and she and her paper can take this on." Ethan soothed.

"No, I proved ARI could be a useful tool with Shelby and the Texas case I made it viable one way or another and now…. I…I have to do this, if ARI has become some kind of technological hydra I have to help stop it."

"But not alone Jay not this time." Ethan said and took Jayden's hand in his own two and held it tightly as Shaun put a hand on Jay's shoulder.

* * *

><p>Madison licked her lips and adjusted her camera before leaning forward to take another picture.<p>

"Got you." She muttered then opened the door to the camera's memory card, hooked the tiny card with a thumbnail and pulled it free. She let the camera hang by its strap around her neck as she carefully stowed the memory card in the locket she wore. It fit neatly behind the photo of Ethan and Shaun opposite the photo of Jayden. She close the locket and lifted the camera's strap over her head and tucked it into her saddle bag.

The city politician she had just photographed taking a forced 'gift' from a struggling contractor – who had trusted her enough to contact her but not the cops – strolled away from his victim and into his luxury car. The contractor a tough woman in her thirties hugged herself briefly and shivered as a fall chill wind swept through the parking lot. Madison pulled out her cell and thumbed a number from memory while still watching her contact.

"Willa, it's done I got the pictures. I'll get the story to my editor tonight it should run in tomorrow's edition. Get out of town for the next few days and call me from a burner or a public location if you need to talk." She ended the call and put the phone away then slipped on her helmet and turned on the bike. It was well tuned and purred softly as she settled on to the saddle then pulled away.

Jayden was out when she got home Shaun was asleep and Ethan was waiting. He filled her in on Jayden's situation and made her a meal while she took off her leathers and added the finishing touches and photos to her article.

* * *

><p>Jayden sat in the bar. He didn't drink much anymore and only with Ethan or Madison. Drinking was too close to the warm fuzz of oblivion he recalled from the height of his tripto fog. No, he didn't drink much anymore.<p>

But he wanted to tonight, wanted the familiar burn and cold numbness. Wanted the frayed raw part of himself that saw through and into people so easily but left him exposed to them just as easily to just shut down and shut up. Go away and let him think for once. Let him be rational and calm and reasonable and all the things he fought for and not the lurching lumbering raw emotion he too often felt he was. He needed to think about this situation rationally and clearly but all he could think about were dead little boys clutching orchids, sweet tripto highs, busting the right perps and eating the political fall out and how dangerous ARI could be in the wrong hands. The shit ARI could reveal, the gaps it could fill in, the secrets it could expose for no good reason.

He had worked hard to sift the relevant information from the irrelevant with ARI had ignored sexual peccadillos and minor weirdness because he of all people could throw no stones and ultimately these small vices and quirks weren't going to help him find a victim or stop a monster.

The new operators, the new ARI would not have those same self regulating rules. There would be nothing to stop a new database of black secrets from being built exploiting individuals and nations via fear and shame. That future no one wanted and only he could stop.

Right? Wasn't this his time to do a true good thing?

He had a drink in front of him, didn't recall ordering it. Drank it anyway. His thoughts darted and coursed like a pod of dolphins on ecstasy.

"Hey you look lonely." It was a woman, she had been pretty once but now just seemed worn. She wore minimal makeup her hair and clothes were mid-grade and she moved with confidence masking weariness.

"I'm fine and gay." He said softly.

She relaxed slightly, angle of her shoulder dropping length of stride increasing, and sat next to him anyway.

"Good. I'm only paid to talk to people not fuck them." She sounded relieved and gestured to the bartender for another round.

Jayden looked at his empty glass and back to her.

"Shitty job?"

"I've had worse. How about you stranger?" She had hazel eyes, the dim light in the bar made them seem dark and mysterious they caught flashes of the gold beer bottle tinged light from the overhead lighting.

"Hard to say." He didn't want to talk not to her not to anyone but something about her determination drew him in.

"You look like you're trying to make a decision honey, wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"That's fine baby, buy me a drink and I'll keep the others off you. Good looking man like you should pick a better place to drown your sorrows."

He thought of Ethan's favorite bar and all the baggage that went with it. He didn't want to be Norman Jayden today he just wanted to be…anonymous.

"I've never been in here before."

She laughed and it took fifteen years and a lifetime of struggle from her with its bell like joy. "Honey I knew that the moment your fine ass walked in. "

His lips curled in a smile that was all reflex.

"Sure you dig dick?" She asked as he took a swig of the fresh drink. He choked, inhaled cheap scotch and doubled over coughing.

"Guess that's a yes." She muttered as she patted his back and he caught his breath.

"Yeah, yeah I'm sure." He coughed and laughed.

Two hours later he was drunk enough that standing would be hard. Her name, so she said, was Candy but he had caught a glance at her license when she pulled out cash to cover their fourth round and saw the name Autumn Sands. He wondered why someone with a starlet name like that could choose Candy as a working name.

"So sugar what'd you do that landed you in this shithole?"

"You first." He said while wondering if he could make it to the pisser in one piece. The bar had filled with a fairly rough crowd a mix of men and women most scarred and worn down before their time with that acid stained look to their demeanors that spoke of prison and fear.

"I did… I did the wrong guys for the right reasons and the wrong guys for the right reasons and now I'm here." She laughed again. He loved that laugh, wanted to capture it and hold it close. Found himself making stupid jokes and bad compliments just to coax it forth again, that laugh more than the liquor or maybe in combination with it was a panacea to his fevered self.

He made it to the john and pissed for what seemed like an unhealthy length of time. He made it out of the stall only to find her leaning against a sink. Bleary but more sober than not he carefully cleaned up and regarded her gravely.

"This is the men's room."

"Sure is."

Then she was pushing against him, his balance was gone, he felt the door to a bathroom stall slam open as his shoulders struck it, felt the hard porcelain of a toilet strike him in the calves and her surprising strength and weight knock him down. He bruised his back against the toilet lid and found he couldn't get enough leverage or coordination to knock her of him.

"What –"

"Shhh. Let it happen." She purred breath stinking of liquor and cigarettes and something underneath it all something base and animal.

Her hands were on him he felt her reach for his wallet and struggled to snatch it back but his limbs felt like lead.

"I gave you something sugar, don't worry you'll be fine in like half an hour." She purred again and he felt her strong thin fingers reaching into his pants pockets.

"Candy…" He choked as he felt whatever she had given him ripple through his system crippling his words and thoughts.

"Don't fight it baby."

"Why choose…candy?" He asked hoarsely his tongue and lips feeling thick and distant.

"Cause candy is dandy but liquor is quicker." She laughed and the bell tone was gone. He felt betrayal then, not at the robbery but at the loss of the bell like laugh, had that been fake too? She leaned over him, pendulous breasts inches from his face and she kissed him. The drug and booze had left his body largely numb and clumsy.

"Good kisser for a fag, damn shame, you're hot baby." She purred and laughed and tugged his dick through his pants.

"S-stop." He groaned remembering another stall, another attack and feeling panic and bile press against the constraints of the liquor and drug.

"Shhh I'm a pro baby you sure you don' t want a freebie?" As she talked he felt the numbness spreading. He still couldn't move, could barely feel her against him. He felt a hot rage sweep over him using all his strength managed to sit up slightly.

"You sure you're gay baby?" She sneered.

"S-stop." He hissed and met her eyes. They looked black now. Her face was flushed and mouth parted she licked her lips and smiled at him.

"You must be. Poor baby you chose the exact wrong bar tonight. " She chuckled and got off him, leaving him half crumpled on the floor with no control, paralyzed for god knew how long.

"Say hey to your boyfriend." She said then tucked her ill-gotten gains into her clutch purse, straightened her skirt and stepped out of the stall. He watched her close it and use what looked like a phone card to flip the latch from the outside.

"Take care honey." She called.

An hour later feeling returned to his hands. Weak and clumsy, he managed to tuck his dick away feeling rage and shame in equal measures waft over him, and left the bathroom. No one in the bar met his eyes he wondered how many were aware of 'Candy's' little game. He glared at the bartender and left. Penniless he could walk home or call Ethan and explain he'd been robbed and sexually assaulted by a professional while trying not to have a breakdown over a fucking job offer.

No, no he wasn't going to call Ethan. He was a goddamn adult he was going to get his stupid ass home, take five showers and get on with his life. Autumn Sands…he would remember that name he had no doubt she was pretty much what she presented herself as but it wouldn't be hard to hire her to take action against Jayden. If she was working for a third party he would find out.

The cold air of the city felt like a healing balm. He wanted to find her, to hurt her and that sickened him. He thought of Shelby's face when he slipped, when Jayden's grasp missed. Thought about the vicious bigoted cops surrounding Ethan, and Madison's courage as she ordered them to back down... he doubled over and threw up until he was pretty sure the only thing left to come up was blood. He was alone on the sidewalk he stared at the puddle he'd made for a moment then walked away.

One goddamn letter and this was what he devolved into a stumbling drunken mess. A victim, again, a tool in someone else's kit _again_. He felt shameful rage whip through his chest hard and fast enough that he gasped from the force of the sensation.

He felt his lips peel back into a grin that was more snarl. He wanted to find Candy and bash her head in but he couldn't…wouldn't. She was as much a victim in a lot of ways as he was at least he had a safe and loving home to slink back to. He had Ethan and … He felt the nausea come back dropped to one knee and gagged then cough a thin string of bile. His head throbbed abominably.

"Hey you okay dude?" The voice was young and sincere. A figure loomed out of the darkness around the bar's garish entrance lighting. Handsome, dark skinned, bright intelligent eyes and fine features, dressed in battered blue jeans and boots and a wool lined jacket that hung open over a thin t-shirt sporting a worn to near invisibility band logo.

"F-fine." Jayden lied and got to his feet.

"You look kinda wrecked man, look I live like a block from here I can call you a cab –"

"I got..uh I don't have any money."

"Oh well that's okay I have a couch, you can stay the night and figure it out when you feel better."

"Who are you?"

"My name is Dylan. Come on." The young man said and helped Jayden to his feet, slipped an arm around him and let Jayden lean against him.

"Why? You don't know me."

"Yeah but I've had some bad nights and if there hadn't been people to pick my stupid ass off the pavement I wouldn't be here now, consider it paying it forward dude."

They didn't talk until Dylan got them to his building. "Alright dude gimme a second the elevator is toast so we'll have to walk to the second floor, I just gotta unlock the door." Jayden watched him move, the silken ease of his strong youthful body. The confident walk and strong hands, Jayden guessed he did something manual maybe a carpenter or welder something that let him use his strength and physique during the day.

He came back and helped Jayden through the door and partway up the steps where Jayden used the banister for support. In the brighter light of the hallway he could see that Dylan was a little older than Jayden had expected mid-to late thirties but his eyes were bright and clear like a man much younger, or at a greater peace.

"What do you do for a living?" He asked.

"I'm an artist, sculpting mostly."

Jayden stumbled and Dylan caught him, hand warm and strong.

"Thank you." Jayden said softly.

"I recognize you." Dylan said as they mounted the last step to the second floor.

"Now or in the alley?" Jayden asked.

"Both, I mean, I couldn't really be sure at the bar but…yeah I know you."

"Is that why you're helping me?"

"I don't know. Come on it's not far." Dylan said as he steadied Jayden again.

"I was drugged and robbed." Jayden said after a few moments of silence.

"Been there done that man."

Jayden didn't reply, too focused on not falling over or puking to really form a decent reply.

"Look, you don't have to stay the night if you're not comfortable, I got a buddy with a car I can make a call and you'll be home in like an hour." Dylan said after helping Jayden to a worn but comfortable couch.

Jayden's soft snore answered Dylan's question. The lean artist looked a little sad as he picked up a woven Mexican style cotton blanket and draped it over his guest then pulled Jayden's shoes off and lifted his legs on to the couch. He filled a glass with water and set it within reach but safely clear of flailing limbs.

He walked in to his own bedroom and pulled his cellphone out of his pocket. He hit a programmed number and waited.

"It's Dylan. He's fine I have him at my place." He listened for a few moments then sighed.

"Look I know I'm just some random you hired but this guy…I don't feel right about this. I'm going to do what I was paid to do you can trust me I just… I don't like it." He ended the call.

Morning dawned slow and rough. Jayden actually felt better than he expected, not really hung over so much as the morning after a bad fever. He drank the water Dylan had left out for him and sat up to get his bearings.

Dylan's home was beautiful. He must be independently wealthy or a very successful sculptor. It was basically an uninterrupted loft with one corner walled off into what was likely a bathroom and bedroom. Floor to ceiling windows let in huge amounts of light.

"Hey you feeling okay?" Dylan asked. Jayden jumped and turned to face the artist. He was handsome, wearing nothing but jeans, hair mussed from sleep and morning light bathing his lean strong body in clean light.

"Yes. Thank you. I should call home."

"Sure, here." Dylan handed over his cell phone, it was basic model not a smartphone. This pleased Jayden for some reason. As much as he relied, had relied, on his phone it was pleasing to know there were still people that weren't dependent on a hand held computer.

"Norman?" Ethan asked immediately.

"I'm okay."

"I was worried –"

"I know I…needed space. I'm sorry. I had a bad night but I'm okay I'll be home soon."

"I tried to call –"

"Yeah I was sort of mugged. It's a long pointless story but I'm okay, could you uh start cancelling –"

"Credit cards yeah, I'll call the phone company too, are you sure you're okay?" Jayden felt warm and safe at the worry in Ethan's tone, and guilty.

"Yeah I'm sure I love you, I'll be home soon."

He hung up a few minutes later after assuring Madison he was okay and handed the phone back to Dylan.

"That must be nice."

Jayden looked at Dylan.

"Having so many people fussing over you, worrying for you."

"Yeah...it's still new to me, I make mistakes…"

"It takes time to adjust to any new situation." Dylan said softly, his hand brushed Jayden's as he finally took the phone back. Something electric passed between them. Jayden looked away from the beautiful artist to the clean morning light and closed his eyes.

"Why did you really help me Dylan?"

"Because I've been there. I…like I said I was paying it forward." Dylan stammered looking away.

Jayden wanted to push but really what right did he have? This young man had gone out of his way to help him. Sure Dylan had known that Jayden was famous but rather than exploiting that he had …what? Jayden had passed out moments after arriving at the apartment. What if Dylan had taken photos of him? He could be the next best thing to hit the tabloids. Jayden hushed himself and carefully got to his feet. Whatever Dylan had done was done.

"Thanks, I mean it, I guess you know where to look me up if I can help you out?" Jayden asked. Dylan nodded.

"Good, I should go but really if you need anything, let me know okay?" Jayden left fairly confident he could find his way home and to a hot shower (or ten) without too much trouble. Maybe the walk would clear his head.

* * *

><p>"Madison he's fine."<p>

"He didn't sound fine Ethan, he sounded confused and guilty."

"He stayed out all night he feels bad that we worried."

"Ethan that letter freaked him out on a basic level. He's never really dealt with ARI he got past it but that's not the same as getting over it."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I… I don't know Ethan, I just … you seem to think he's strong and he is but he can break again. We almost lost him too many times before we have to be careful –"

"We can't handle him like a child Maddie we can't manage him he's an adult and he's …Jesus he's a hero whether he can accept that or not he's very capable of taking care of himself."

"We know that but he doubts it Ethan, all the time."

Ethan sighed heavily.

"What are you saying Madison?"

"I …I'm not even sure Ethan."

He tasted the lie and knew what she was getting at and how much it would hurt.

"You think he needs to do this alone to…prove to himself that he can."

"I don't know. Maybe. Look…" She didn't finish the thought trailed off in to silence. Ethan held her and tried not to be angry. She might have a point but what would it cost? Would Jayden be stronger, healthier…happier? Would they?

"I can't Madison. I can't just…cut him off."

"I don't … I mean. No… no we can't can we…" She sighed and shook her head.

"Therapy…it helped didn't it?"

"It did..does but…only as much as you let it work. It's not…not a panacea."

They were silent for a few heartbeats.

"Who says we even get to make this call?" Ethan asked angrily.

"Forget it Ethan it…it was a stupid impulse obviously we love him and…forget it."

But he couldn't, even after Jayden returned to them, dirty, quiet and secretive but intact it nagged at him. By loving and supporting Jayden was he being overprotective? Was he somehow smothering him?

* * *

><p>Two weeks passed and Jayden began to prepare for his meeting. Ethan quietly watched him book a flight rather than a rental car, watched him pick out a new suit when they went shopping with Shaun for winter clothes, watched Madison choose the perfect tie to compliment his eyes, watched him pack and double check the address and time of the meeting without spilling his secret worries.<p>

The night before the flight Madison was at a late dinner with her editor and Shaun was staying with his mother. The two men had a small meal at home.

"Do you have everything you need?" Ethan asked.

"I should yes rental car, clothes.." Jayden trailed off as he studied Ethan's face.

"You're worried." Jayden said. Ethan glanced up almost guilty but smiled and sighed.

"Yes. I don't doubt you but I'm not sure this is a good idea. It's going to open a lot of old wounds."

"I can stay away from Tripto." _But not liquor_. A voice taunted in the back of his head.

Ethan smiled picked up Jayden's right hand with his own.

"Yeah I know you can. You will, you do every day. That's…not what I'm worried about. I love you Jay. Everything about you. Everything. I know you're stronger than you realize, I know you're so compassionate that the death of Scott Shelby, as evil as he was, still bothers you, I know you and I love you but I'm worried that this…this will hurt more than help."

"Ethan everything is a risk. I was a trained agent those skills are still there. I'll be fine."

Ethan had the grace to refrain from pointing out how badly Ethan had been beaten more than once while pursuing Shelby. One did not throw mud in one's rescuer's face.

"Just…call as often as you can, okay?"

"Are you worried that I'll take this job and lose you?"

Ethan blinked that had never honestly occurred to him.

Jayden frowned and pulled his hand free.

"Jay wait –"

"It's okay Ethan…I get it. This life is…well it's better than anything I ever expected. Look if it comes down to it…I can refuse to relocate. But…well, we're not there yet." He said the right things but the fact that Ethan had never even considered that Jayden could leave had hurt.

* * *

><p>They all said their goodbyes, Madison teared up a bit which was touching. Shaun shook his hand then hugged him like the boy he would no longer be soon. Ethan had held him but there had been a stiffness in the embrace that left Jayden feeling unsettled.<p>

The flight was unremarkable, no one noticed him or recognized him which was nice. Admittedly he had worn very generic clothing including sunglasses and kept his head down. Until security. He answered the basic questions, emptied his pockets, took off his shoes and waited.

"Mr…Jayden?"

"This isn't an international flight, why all the hassle?" He asked passively. The TSA agent gave him a lizard eyed look and Jayden sighed.

"You're on a list sir."

"Seriously? It's clearly not the do not fly list because here I am and I clearly flew. I'd like to see your supervisor, I'm a former federal agent I know when you're overstepping your bounds. "

"Yes, you clearly do Mr. Jayden." A calm cultured voice broke through the tense air and the TSA agent left the room. Jayden glared as the voice's owner emerged behind a privacy screen. An urbane middle aged white male, he seemed fit and was dressed in an expensive silk suit, his grooming was impeccable and his expression pure satisfaction.

"I'm waiting." Jayden said crisply.

"My name is Emmet Wake Mr. Jayden."

"If this is your idea of a job interview you can go fuck yourself I'm done. I don't play games."

"No, Mr. Jayden this isn't an interview it's a test. I wanted to know if you still have any backbone. You see rumor has it that you've gone soft, settled down, since you have a family you aren't able to do your job anymore."

"Which job is that Captain Mysterio?" Jayden snapped.

"Stopping depraved murderers Mr. Jayden. I have read your dossier with the F.B.I., the real one not the publicly released version. I know exactly how far you will go and _have_ to stop evil. That is why I sent you that letter."

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Exactly who I say I am."

"I don't know if you noticed but I don't exactly travel in the same low oxygen venues you do pal, I'm a goddamn bodyguard I don't know you from any other random rich asshole so, Who. The. Fuck. Are. You. I'm sure you're one of your favorite fucking topics."

"Temper temper Mr. Jayden. I am a very powerful man with connections in your government. I can have your little family snuffed out in an accident or position you to be nearly as powerful and untouchable as I am. That's what you really want is it not? True safety for yourself and those you love, the ability to use your skills and knowledge to stop the spread of evil and pain?"

"Do you realize you're coming across like a B movie villain? What do you want from me? There are plenty of other people with experience using ARI. So why me?"

"You were the best Mr. Jayden. You managed to take ARI to new heights of efficacy and reliability. It cost you your health and sobriety but you took ARI past all expectations."

"Bullshit the new version they used a couple years ago –"

"Was a disaster. Shortly after your departure the program ran into worse side effects and health problems than the original. In the original program there were twenty-five volunteer subjects. Six were medically retired due to permanent health problems ranging from chronic headaches and fatigue to spasms and vision problems of those six five later died by their own hands or accidents that could not be conclusively shown to be suicide. Nine others suffered psychological side effects that were mitigated and eliminated with therapy and pharmaceuticals. Eight others voluntarily stepped down due to conflict of interest after watching their colleagues fall apart. That left two active capable agents. Yourself and one other." Wake recited while watching Jayden.

Jayden stood in his stocking feet glaring at Wake and unmoving.

"The second program was much smaller. A group of ten volunteers selected from an original pool of two hundred. One hundred ninety volunteers were tested and failed due to psychological or physical issues. Of the ten accepted you were an eleventh, intended as a control. The ten new subjects were admirable high functioning and very successful until the six month mark. The program officially ended two months ago when the last agent died of a massive aneurysm. The previous nine agents are also dead."

Jayden trembled slightly and closed his eyes, swallowed and opened his eyes slowly.

"Did it ever occur to you that ARI is a dead end?"

"No, because of you and your sole surviving healthy counterpart."

"Healthy?"

"Yes, she is the very picture of health. Unlike yourself, however, compared to your peers you are nearly a Hercules. So you see that if there is ever to be a viable program in place with minimal casualties, and there will be a program whether you and I like it or not, we require your assistance. I would prefer your voluntary assistance Mr. Jayden but I won't lie, you'll help us one way or another."

"Who is pushing this, obviously it's not just you, who is backing you?" Jayden snapped.

Wake flashed a brief expression of annoyance.

"That is not for you to know Mr. Jayden."

"Fine then fuck you and your X-Files bullshit. I know everything, _now_, or I'm gone. You can threaten us all you like it won't change the fact that you need me to cooperate and if you're talking medical tests it's a good bet that drugging me or freaking me out is going to fuck everything up. So you decide, how much is my _voluntary_ help worth?"

"Very good Mr. Jayden, very very good. Only a few of us suspected you would be this bold. Most assumed you would cave. Name your price Mr. Jayden and it's yours. This program will proceed one way or another but with your help it will be achieved much more…cleanly."

"One thing first, how was this privatized? What access level do you have to secured databases?"

"All in due time Mr. Jayden you can't expect us to reveal proprietary information to a walk in."

"A walk in? Jesus you're unbelievable. Here are my starting criteria there will be more and the more you fuck with me the bitchier I'll get. One, I am not moving to this shithole city I'm happy where we are. Two, if you or anyone else so much as implies a threat to my family I'm gone and everything I know is public my best friend is an award winning reporter never forget that. Three, I want an untouchable trust fund of three million dollars set up for Shaun Mars to be accessible when he turns twenty-five with his father as trustee. Four, whatever surveillance you're running stops now and forever."

"That is all?"

"No one more question. Was Dylan yours?"

Wake looked startled but masked it quickly. "Good, that clears that up. He was intended to seduce me wasn't he? Was the woman yours too? Never mind I don't care. Those are my upfront requirements. I'd also like to take a look at your plan for the program and any personnel you've already designated to assist with the program or serve as subjects I get to veto anyone or everyone based on my own reasons."

"That will be difficult."

"Don't worry Wake you don't fuck with me pointlessly and this will be largely painless. I'm not unreasonable I have seen how useful ARI can be I also know how dangerous it is. You're a smart man my guess is you'd have me doing this either way, at least this way you can sell it to anyone that objects as my idea."

Wake looked annoyed again only this time he didn't try to hide it.

"Very well."

"I'm going home now you can call me with any details I'll expect the information I need in the next two days. Anything else?"

"It's been a pleasure Mr. Jayden."

"No it hasn't but it's been quick." Jayden snapped and Wake smiled. It was thin and satisfied.

Jayden walked out and made it to his airline's reservation desk, changed his ticket, claimed his luggage, checked it for the new flight then found a men's restroom. He washed his face and patted it dry with shaking hands then bolted into a stall and threw up. He kicked the door shut and locked it with a shaking hand and slumped onto the cool tile of the floor, leaned against the surprisingly clean toilet and closed his eyes.

What had he done? Had he just fucked up his life irrevocably or had he kept them all alive and free? He had to get home and sort this out, if nothing else he had to warn them.

"Something is wrong, he hasn't called." Ethan said staring out at the wet city. The rain started that morning when they returned from the airport. It hadn't slowed since.

"Dad?" Shaun asked looking up from his untouched dinner.

"Call him." Madison said and Shaun nodded. Ethan picked up his phone only to have it ring.

"Oh thank god its him."

"You're…the airport? Yeah – how- okay sure, I lo-" Ethan frowned at the phone.

"He's catching a cab at the airport he'll be home in half an hour."

"I guess he didn't get the job." Shaun suggested.

Madison frowned but didn't dismiss the boy's suggestion.

"Shaun you should –"

"Not go to bed because I'm not a baby anymore Dad, whatever is going on will affect all of us. "

"Smart kid." Madison said.

"Shaun there's a lot of stuff we haven't really talked about – "

"About how Jay was a drug addict? How he was nearly raped on a case? How his father abused the shit out of him and drove him out of the house only to let him back in to raise his little sister? Dad I'm not stupid I read the books, I looked at Madison's notes. I never said anything because I knew you would be angry and I didn't want to hurt him but …well I had a right to know. So…now I do can we get to the part where we deal with whatever is going on here?"

"Really smart kid." Madison said.

"Goddamnit Madison not helping." Ethan snapped.

"Sorry honey but he's right." Madison said wincing at Ethan's anger.

"Christ Shaun I…I didn't know if he would want you to know all…all of that." Ethan said shakily.

"I know, and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't but…it's done." Shaun said roughly.

* * *

><p>Jayden looked up at the building that held his fragile family and wondered if they would be his this time next year, wondered if they would trust him tomorrow as they did at this moment not knowing what he had done.<p>

They engulfed him when he entered their home, Shaun took his bag and wet jacket, Madison shoved a glass of wine in his hand and Ethan dragged him to the table for dinner. He sat and set the glass down and looked at six eyes filled with questions.

"Let him eat." Madison chided and they moved all of a few feet away to the sitting area and tried mightily to ignore him while he ate. He didn't eat.

"Look…things, well I kind of took the job under duress. Uh, Shaun –" Jayden said.

"It's..it's okay Norman he knows…well, everything really." Madison sighed.

Jayden nodded, "Of course you do." He smiled at the boy and watched Shaun relax.

He explained what had happened from the moment the TSA agent had dragged him out of line until he changed his ticket.

"Jesus." Madison muttered, Jayden could see her investigator's gears clicking and churning. Ethan looked pale and angry. Shaun, surprisingly, appeared to be thinking.


	21. Oh, so THATs how you negotiate

**A/N The section after the ninth line break is naughty. The tenth break on is not naughty. **

Shaun licked his lip and judged the gap again. He had to cross it, he could jump it or if he could find a strong enough piece of wood he could pole vault it. He looked around and muttered a curse as nothing appropriate appeared. He shook his head wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans and looked at the gap again.

He would have to jump; he backed up, took a deep breath and started to run. Once he was in the air he realized he had judged the gap wrong and jumped too late he would miss the landing point.

"Damnit." The boy muttered and tossed his controller aside as a reload / quit screen appeared on his television.

Jayden was sitting on the lower of his bunk beds supposedly reading through dossiers but really watching the boy play his game. Enjoying the presence of one of the few things in his life that he knew without a single doubt that he'd gotten right.

He had divided the dossiers into two piles; discards and keepers. To his surprise the discard pile was only three files deep.

"You want to give it a shot? I know you're not working." Shaun said with a glint in his eye that reminded Jayden of Ethan so forcefully that his breath caught in his throat and he coughed before answering.

"Not just now maybe after dinner." He reached out to Shaun and the boy, though he could hardly be called that much longer, cheerfully snuggled with Jayden for a moment. Jayden inhaled Shaun's scent a unique combination of boy sweat, hair gel, and baked bread and released him.

"Are you upset with me for reading Madison's books?" Shaun asked as he knelt next to the bed, staring at his hands in his lap.

Jayden set the paperwork aside and sat up.

"Do I ever lie to you?" Jayden asked instead of answering right away.

"I don't know, I don't think so."

"I try not to but the truth is we all have, a lie of omission is still a lie. We meant well, you had been through so much already that exposing you to more…darkness didn't seem fair. The truth is I need to apologize to you Shaun. Your father and Madison thought they were protecting both of us but we weren't we were lying to you. You had a right to know who I was a long time ago."

Shaun smiled gently. "Jay, I've always known who you are, you're the only person in the world who could have stopped Scott Shelby. You saved us all. Without you Shelby would have shot Dad and I would have drowned. Madison probably saved Dad from the cops but without you…there wouldn't have been anything to save. All those books did was fill in the gaps but I've always known _you_ Jayden."

He hugged the boy and didn't fight his back his tears for once.

Jayden fell asleep on the bunk after Shaun started his game again. Shaun pulled a blanket over him and gathered up the files careful not to read them and keep them separated. He took them into the main living area and set them on the coffee table.

"Hey kiddo." Madison said. She was working at her desk finishing up the follow up on the corrupt official.

"Is Dad around?"

"Downstairs with Marcelle, anything I can help with?"

"I don't know." Shaun said thoughtfully.

"Give it a shot." She encouraged and turned off her laptop screen.

"Norman apologized for lying."

"About what?"

"His past, he said it wasn't fair to keep me in the dark after all we'd been through and...he apologized."

Madison was quiet thinking it over and letting Shaun say his piece.

"I mean, he was right, technically? But we all tell white lies so…why would he bother to apologize?"

"What's bothering you Shaun, that he apologized or that you didn't see it as a transgression in the first place?"

"Both?"

"You're right, we all tell white lies but really they're still lies. Jayden…he's spent a lot of his life surrounded by lies and half-truths he's had to live lies –"

"Because he's gay?"

"He also did some undercover work with the F.B.I. , that's not in the book. The point is he's more sensitive to lies and the act of lying than most people."

"So…you're not? I mean you go undercover sometimes for stories, or did."

"I'm sorry Shaun, Norman is right we did lie to you, we had the best motives but…we lied."

"I know I don't care I get why just…why did he feel he had to apologize? I just..it feels like there's more to it than just being sensitive to lying."

"Norman is an intense guy he hasn't had a lot of friends and doesn't have any real family aside from us –"

"He's insecure?"

"Everyone is but…I think he's more vulnerable to those fears than the average person."

"He's asleep in my room. Want me to start dinner?" Shaun asked. He was mulling over Madison's reply still not satisfied.

"Sure that would be nice; Ethan should be home in an hour or so."

* * *

><p>Jayden dreamed. He was alone in the apartment again. He realized he had always been alone there but he didn't panic this time. He looked around and saw blood on the floor. He followed it and the room morphed around him until somehow he was standing in his childhood home. He could hear someone sobbing and a rough male voice shouting something incomprehensible. He followed the sounds until he heard a high pitched animal scream, a boy's scream, his scream. He knew it was a dream and this was a memory of what his mother had done to him. He could keep walking and see it all or stop here and eventually wake up. Did he need to see what had been done? Didn't he already know that the monster that raised him had been the same man that saved his life at the cost of his mother's life?<p>

His parents had been in love once he could remember that much, or _believed_ he did. Which had come first, his father's drinking or his mother's instability? Had his father become a drunk after killing his wife to save his son?

He started walking.

* * *

><p>Shaun dished out dinner, a quick stir-fry he had learned to cook with Madison's help. It was easy and tasty so he made it a couple times a week. The recipe withstood experimentation pretty well so it was usually different every time.<p>

He added rice to the dishes and started setting the table. Ethan entered and Madison greeted him while Shaun finished setting up dinner.

"That smells great Shaun thank you." Ethan said and hugged his son.

"Jay is sleeping in my room I'll save him some."

A muffled cry rang out from Shaun's room.

"Dream." Madison said with a worried expression. Ethan nodded and gestured for them to eat.

* * *

><p>Jayden was rubbing his head in pained confusion when Ethan entered. Ethan could already see a goose egg starting on his lover's forehead.<p>

"Oh baby what'd you do?" He said softly then laughed as Norman glared at the upper portion of the bunk bed. He pulled Jayden close and smelled his shampoo, the lingering scent of bar soap, fear sweat and Jayden's personal scent that he could never put a name to it lingered between strawberries and sunshine.

"These goddamn dreams." Jayden said shakily as Ethan continued to hold him.

"Shhh hey they're getting better, they are, tell me about this one."

"I…I don't remember it." Norman said emphatically.

"Yeah you do come on if you talk about it we can…take away its power."

"Its power?" Jayden laughed shakily.

"Yeah or how about this, you tell me about your dream or no more sex."

"That's just mean." Jayden said and laughed again, this time the laugh was stronger.

"To both of us." Ethan said gravely.

* * *

><p>Madison and Shaun finally started to eat when they heard one of the men laugh.<p>

"Madison…how did you know you were okay with an uh open relationship?"

"I don't know it just always made sense to me. I mean…I always thought if you love someone you have to trust them. You trust them to look both ways when they cross the street, you trust them to do the right thing and the sane thing. Sex is…well it's fun and it can be complicated but ultimately I don't own my partner and if they want to sleep with someone so be it. I can't stop them."

"That simple?"

"For me? Yeah. I don't think that's how it works for most people though. I don't know, maybe the first time it's someone that falls in love with two people and all three get along so it just…works."

"What about Dad?"

"We make it work, it surprised him at first but your dad is a pretty logical guy. "

"So…how did uh did he and Norman –"

"That was a little more complicated."

Shaun waited patiently.

"If you think I'm going to tell you how your Dad went from hiring to dating your bodyguard think again squirt some things you'll have to hear from your Dad or Norman directly."

Shaun laughed.

* * *

><p>Jayden was crying softly remembering the terror in his child self's face as his mother, the person that had given him life, tortured him half to death. Ethan held him tightly and let him cry. How many years had this emotional pus been locked away? He felt Jayden's racing heart as he held Jayden close, the tears built to racking sobs that shook Jayden's whole body Ethan wanted to hold him closer, wanted to be close enough that Jayden's pain was his, to share the burden of that terrible childhood grief.<p>

Finally the sobs faded and Jayden raised his head.

"You're still here." He muttered.

"I'll always be here Norman." Ethan whispered and kissed Jayden gently.

* * *

><p>Madison gently opened the door and peered in. She smiled at the loving scene.<p>

"You okay Jay?" She said softly. Ethan ended the kiss and Jayden looked up at Madison. His face was blotchy and pale but his eyes were clear and calm.

"Yeah, yeah…you guys…you make me okay." She knelt and hugged him.

"Gross, you're getting emotions all over me." Shaun snorted from the doorway. Madison chucked a pillow at the grinning teenager.

* * *

><p>"How do you feel about this job opportunity?" The therapist asked.<p>

"Torn. It's a good opportunity but it's been so rushed. I like the idea of being independent – not that Ethan minds … but there are…I don't know, invisible strings attached. I feel like the further I go the more of a marionette I'll become. There are a lot of advantages to be had when your boss is your boyfriend."

"How does Ethan feel about the job?"

"I don't know. He … well at first he didn't seem to think it was something to really be worried about I mean, at the time if I'd gotten it I might have had to relocate and he hadn't even considered that."

"That bothered you?"

"I don't know. I mean if I'm being honest with myself I probably would have turned it down if it meant moving. We're settled here and pulling a teenager out of school is a shitty idea but…yeah it did, the fact that we never had that conversation. Part of me thinks it's because Ethan knows me so well that it never occurred to him that I would be willing to move…but another part thinks it just didn't occur to him at all because I need him..them, more than they need me."

"Have you talked about it?"

"No honestly I'd forgotten about it until you asked. Things have been… busy."

"What do you think distracted you?"

"I had a dream about my mother. I think it was my memory of…uh anyway. I woke up in bad shape. He was there, I basically had a break down."

"How did you feel afterwards?"

"Cleaner, lighter. I…I didn't remember any of that before we started researching her death. Nothing. The little bits and pieces from then that I did remember I … I made up memories for, forced them to fit. Jesus for twenty some years that's been festering in me. Ethan… he might've been thoughtless or too thoughtful or whatever…but he was there when I needed him most. My whole life I've never been able to trust anyone like that but I can trust Ethan and Madison. I do trust them and…that in a way has been the best gift of all."

"Have your dreams improved?"

"They're not as frequent but when they do come they're …they're bad but they're not that dream."

"Shelby?"

"Sometimes, sometimes it's just…confusion and fear. They're better than they were this time last year and for now that's good enough."

"Have you thought of any coping mechanisms that will assist you with transitioning to this new position?"

"Uh well, I've been teaching Shaun self-defense which is a lot like a monkey fucking a football. I beefed up my skills after the Shelby case but really I'm not an expert. What made me a good well _makes_ me a good bodyguard is reading people. If you read 'em you can weed 'em. One of my instructors used to say that. Read and weed. Frankly if it gets to the point that I have to knock someone down I've fucked up."

"Are you looking for a replacement?"

"I don't know I keep telling Ethan that if he wants someone we have to start looking like yesterday but he seems to be in denial or maybe he just doesn't think Shaun needs a guard anymore. Honestly I don't think he does I doubt he ever did but Ethan won't talk about it."

"Do you plan to push the question?"

Jayden thought about that. "I don't think so and besides If I'm as necessary to this project as they're making out then they'll be flexible with my hours and Ethan sorta works from home…we'll make it work."

"Is there anything else you'd like to talk about today Norman?"

He thought about Dylan and the robbery. "No, not today."

"I think you're doing remarkably well Norman but you're still holding back. That's okay this only works when you're ready to open up but I'd like you to think about what you're holding back and why."

"Right okay thanks doc." Jayden said tiredly.

"Be kind to yourself Jayden you've been through a hell of a lot in the last few years you're allowed to take a break."

* * *

><p>"Only four?" Wake asked.<p>

Jayden had met him on neutral ground, a meeting room at the city's largest library branch.

"I told you I'm generally reasonable."

"I have the program outline for you. Understand this is a preliminary plan and it will be changed, possibly drastically."

"I expect to be kept apprised of all such changes and involved in determining them."

"Naturally you are. after all. the subject matter expert."

"Anything else Wake?"

"As of now no. We will be establishing a local location for the project in the next month."

"Shaun's trust fund?"

"In the works."

"Good. Have a good flight or whatever it is you do to get to where you roost."

"Good day Mr. Jayden."

* * *

><p>"Ethan you have to make a decision. Either we need to get someone else to protect Shaun or he doesn't need anyone. It's not fair to make Jayden work two jobs now."<p>

"Christ Madison, what do _you_ think we should do?"

"You have to make this decision Ethan, it has to be you and you know why."

"Shit."

Jayden listened to their quiet argument and smiled. Madison was brushing her teeth, he was supposed to be sleeping while they got ready for bed, had been until Madison's tone woke him. He was used to most nocturnal noises, even low voices and happy or passionate low voices but tense, urgent, angry or sharp tones always woke him.

"Back me up Jay!" Madison called.

"Leave me out of it I'm sleeping." He said and made a cartoonish yawn.

"Coward." She snorted. Ethan came to bed first and Jayden greeted him with a smile, he was lying propped up on one elbow.

"I can do double duty for awhile Ethan but we have to decide on a long term plan."

"I will…tomorrow." He grinned and kissed Jayden. Jayden broke away laughing.

* * *

><p>"No fair subject change – oh." He gasped as Ethan reached between them and ran light kisses along Jayden's throat. Ethan warm hand closed on Jayden's cock. Jayden laughed and kissed Ethan as his cock responded to Ethan's patient attentions.<p>

"Boys." Madison sighed and slipped into bed.

Ethan finished Jayden sometime later with patient thorough oral then turned his attentions to Madison. She was half asleep, his stealthy tongue and careful fingers woke her with a warm flush.

"Ethan –"

"Shh." He said laughing and sitting up.

"God what's with you tonight?" She laughed.

"I love my loves." He grinned and kissed her.

She pulled him close and wrapped her legs around his hips pressing her wet pussy to his lower stomach, writhing against him and feeling his cock stiffen and press against her ass. Jay sat up and leaned against Ethan as he kissed Madison. Jayden rubbed Ethan's back and shoulders working lower until he reach Madison's long legs then skipped lower and massaged Ethan's ass leaning closer until Madison's legs were pinned by his chest and stomach.

Madison broke the kiss and Ethan shifted and leaned away from her and against Jayden, he repositioned himself, with a little help from Jayden until the tip of Ethan's cock was teasing Madison's pussy.

"Fuck her." Jayden whispered breath hot on Ethan's ear. As he urged Ethan on he began to tease Ethan's ass again. He broke away to retrieve a bottle of lube then use it to wet his own hardening cock and ease Ethan's hole. Madison shuddered as Ethan thrust into her, she made a small noise and Jayden reached around Ethan and grasped one of her breasts, so warm and full, unfamiliar but welcoming his touch. He pinched her nipple as he entered Ethan.

Ethan gasped and drove himself deeper into Madison as Jayden gripped her other breast with his free hand. Ethan began to thrust harder and deeper, each down-thrust filling Madison with his cock and his heat and need while each back thrust filled Ethan with Jayden's heavy cock.

Their soft sighs and cries of pleasure mingled with shared sweat, Jayden leaned against Ethan matching his opposite rhythm to Ethan's thrusts as Madison writhed and cried out below him. Jayden teased her sensitive breasts squeezing gently and rubbing the ball of his thumb over the nipples every time Ethan pulled away from him.

He could feel the orgasm coming like hearing a train whistle from miles away. It would be exquisite, a joining of pleasure and flesh and soul. He came with a mewling cry, his seed filling Ethan's ass and dripping down his muscular thigh as he continued to thrust into Madison. Moments later she came with her own crystal clear wet rush soaking Ethan's cock and lower belly. He came last and hard his cock teased to initial hardness as he went down on Jayden throbbed and pulsed with the flow of pleasure until her pussy spilled his seed and he shuddered and lay still between their gasping bodies.

"I think we wrecked the sheets." Madison wheezed after a blissful silence and the men chorused laughter.

* * *

><p>"You had sex with Madison?"<p>

"That's well technically yeah. But I didn't fuck her I just played with her tits."

He hated himself for using those terms regarding her. It degraded both of them. He was angry at the question and he wasn't sure why. What did it matter who he stuck his dick in?"

"It's okay Norman this isn't an attack I'm only seeking clarification."

"I…sorry. I didn't mean it that way. Ethan and I we were… fooling around and he…well one thing lead to another and it was kind of a well no it _was_ a threesome."

"How did you feel the next day?"

"Great, fine. It was fun. It was …affirming."

"You didn't feel strange or unhappy about having sex with a man while he had sex with a woman?"

"No, no way. I know Ethan is bisexual and it's hardly a secret that he and Madison have sex."

"Are you familiar with the Kinsey scale?"

"I was a profiler."

"I know but I'm not sure if profiling covers that kind of information."

"Right sorry, yes I'm familiar with it."

"I'm not saying you're bisexual or need to change your label but if you're curious you may wish to rate yourself on that scale. The fact that you had been stimulated by a male you're emotionally involved with as well as sexually attracted to prior to the group sex and you care deeply for the woman in the situation will help account for the success of the sexual encounter."

"I'm cool with it doctor, wouldn't mind doing it again honestly. Madison …I love her, not the same way I love Ethan and I don't know that I could ever enjoy penetrating intercourse but …getting her hot and helping Ethan gift her with an orgasm…that was incredible."

"Gift?"

"Shouldn't that be the way sex works? You meet someone you care about or are attracted to so you have sex but at some point that's either you using them to get hard and cum or it's the both of you helping each other get hard and cum. Me I prefer the latter otherwise you can just masturbate and get the same result."

"So your satisfaction was due to her enjoyment?"

"Sex with Ethan never fails to blow my mind but…yeah."

"Have you given any further thought to our discussion last week?"

"About holding back? Sure."

"Okay that's good did you want to talk about anything else at all?"

"Doc I just sat here for forty-five minutes and told you about ... the fuck else could I be holding back?" He felt like an asshole again. "I am holding some things back but I can't talk about them yet."

"That's good Jayden. Have you given any thought to taking a break? Maybe a small vacation on your own?"

"Not really there's no time. This…job…project is just starting and they've got me on the hook."

"What about a weekend? You should take time to be alone with yourself, you've endured a great deal and you deserve a chance to get to know the healthier you."

* * *

><p>"Progress?"<p>

"We are making progress sir it's…just uh slower than anticipated he is very…uh cagey and combative sir."

"This was not accounted for in his psych profile?"

"It was mistakenly thought that having a family would curb his hostility."

"You miscalculated."

"Y-yes sir."

"What is the current timeline?"

"Six months."

"Very well, should opportunities arise to expedite the process I expect you to seize them."

"Yes sir."

* * *

><p>"Hey, how'd it go?" Madison asked kissing Jayden on the cheek. Ethan had stopped downstairs to grab some paperwork.<p>

"Good."

"Just good?"

"He thinks I should go away by myself for a weekend."

"Might not be a bad idea."

"But I don't get crazy sex when I'm alone." Jayden mock pouted.

"Pervert."

He guffawed and gave her a peck on the cheek before drifting to the fridge.

"Don't spoil your stupidly late dinner we're going out remember?"

"On a school night?"

"Shaun's staying with friends."

"Oh, so it's like _that_."

"No its get Ethan to make a decision day not let him distract us."

"Oh come on as distractions go-"

"Pervert." She sighed again.

He grinned and pulled out a bottle of orange juice. Ethan arrived a few minutes later to meet Madison and Ethan grinning like Cheshire cats and holding a heavy coat for him.

"Plotting?"

"Dinner, and adult discussions of the future." Madison said firmly.


	22. Groundwork

They got back late with no decisions made. Madison went to bed, worn out by almost 48 hours of nonstop work, and the men stood in the kitchen. Neither had bothered to turn on any lights the backglow of the city was plenty of illumination.

"I can't make this call for you."

"You can advise."

"Ethan fact is if something like Shelby happens again whoever is behind it will know how to get past any security we set up. Nothing is ever completely secure whether it's software or people you know that."

"Then what do you suggest?"

"Shaun is intelligent and observant you can hire a new bodyguard but teaching him situational awareness and self-defense will do more good in the long run."

"That's your recommendation?"

"As your son's bodyguard…yes."

"As his father?"

Jayden stiffened at the word Ethan had chosen, felt his throat choke up slightly and cleared it with a cough.

"As…uhm. You have to make that final call…Madison is right about that."

"I know but what would you recommend?"

"Talking to Shaun. He knows whats at stake and he isn't going to jeopardize his safety or our peace of mind if he finds a guard embarrassing."

"That's not really an answer." Ethan said impatiently.

"I know I…Ethan if I could I'd lock him away in a steel box and never let him out but that won't work. So…if it will help you sleep at night get another guard."

"I'll talk to Shaun in the morning."

"I'm sorry I –"

"It's okay…you're right this is my call."

* * *

><p>"The project is taking too long."<p>

"I'm sorry sir –"

"I do not want apologies I want progress. Find a location immediately get him on board – whatever it takes – I'm tired of your excuses."

"Sir if we rush the timeline he will inevitably become aware of manipulation."

"He guessed that Dylan was our agent. He is aware of manipulation, that ship has sailed now get me some progress."

"Right away sir."

* * *

><p>There was an honest to god telegram lying on the floor by the front door of the apartment come morning.<p>

"How the hell did they get into a secure building to drop this off?" Madison asked.

"Because they're an evil corporation." Ethan said mildly over his cup of coffee.

"You joke." Jayden snapped and retrieved the telegram.

_Library meeting room today 1000_

"Fuck." Jayden sighed.

"More work?" Ethan asked.

"There's something going on, they're moving up the timetable for the project."

"Jay I haven't been able to bring up anything about this company. They basically don't exist, the closest I can get is the corporate filings but that's it. There are no assets on file, no employee records, nothing." Madison cautioned.

"I know what I'm getting into Madison but …I don't know how safe you'll be."

"We can't just pick up our lives Jayden." She sighed.

"I told you what happened and why I did what I did you agreed with me then. This is a result of that decision. Your safety is not guaranteed anymore."

"It never has been." Ethan pointed out.

"Fine but I'm serious nothing about this makes me feel safe or…secure. The weird paper trail, they way Wake plays power games, the kind of people they have on their payroll…none of it is good."

"What do you want us to do? If we could." Madison probed.

"Get out of town for at least six months."

"That's impossible, the firm –"

"Can handle your absence with the book deal and the money from Wake you can keep Marcelle on salary and take a sabbatical."

"I've just built up momentum again if we duck out now it'll take years to get back to this point."

"Ethan –"

"Fine it's possible, god knows I could use some time away from home the locals are getting feisty." Madison interrupted. The fallout from her exposure of the politician was getting uncomfortable.

"How real is the threat? Should we go now?" Ethan asked.

"No, I need to lay some groundwork you won't be able to use your current assets or identities not if we're serious about this. Two weeks at the earliest and I think we should aim for that."

"Why? This is a corporation they're not a cartoon villain –"

"No they're worse. They own judges, they have lobbyists buying political candidates and they probably have a private army of 'security' personnel. The law is on their side in almost all situations until and unless we bring solid evidence against them which we'll never get because they have walls of bureaucrats faithfully wiping hard drives and making sure hardcopies are never created."

Madison was nodding along while Ethan frowned harder.

"Okay so two weeks, what about Shaun? School?"

"He's smart he can take it as independent study and not miss a beat. I know this is a pain in the ass but this telegram is a warning, Wake is going to push for more control and he'll need leverage to do it. The only leverage he has against me is you."

"You're sure about this?" Madison asked.

"No, not at all but it's the worst case scenario and it will take the most work and time to implement so we should start now."

"Are we seriously looking at disappearing for months?" Ethan asked.

"Madison you can probably stay in the city and be fine, just not here. You have enough contacts and friends it's feasible. Ethan and Shaun aren't as mobile and can't travel under the radar as easily."

"Fine fine okay let's…vote okay?" Ethan suggested. Madison shrugged.

"Okay in favor of the overly cautious and kinda nuts idea of leaving?" He asked Jayden raised his hand and reluctantly Madison did too.

"Good let's do it. What do you need from us?" Ethan sighed.

* * *

><p>Jayden waited in the library meeting room. He forced himself to be still and calm though he burned to check the time on the wall clock behind him or the cell phone in his hip pocket. He was dressed casually hiking boots, loose jeans, a thin T-shirt with a pullover hoodie and a thin denim jacket leaving the hood draped over his shoulder. The bulk of the layers would be handy that afternoon when he picked up a few supplies for their impending journey.<p>

He did a slow count of sixty in his head and repeated it ten times then rose and moved to the door. Wake flung it open as Jayden reached for the handle.

"You're late." Jayden said folding his arms.

"Yes. The project started today. It's been very busy. Your expertise is needed. Now."

"I haven't reviewed the candidates yet."

"Twenty of the best are waiting for us right now. We will run them all through the basic preliminary tests and fundamental training and wash out those that are unfit."

"Where is the facility?"

"Two blocks south of your home. We can be very accommodating."

"The warehouse district, no foot traffic, fewer witnesses, farther to travel for help."

"Mr. Jayden there is no conspiracy here; we're not threatening you in any way. In fact we're paying you very very well for your skills. "

"Fine. Monday at 0800."

"Very good."

"Wake get a goddamn cellphone if you want to be legit stop acting like a goddamn spy from an 80s action movie."

Jayden left in a huff and ducked into a workstation to watch Wake leave. He was positive Wake had someone watching him but it was worth it anyway, if only to irritate the prick. His phone rang and he answered without checking the I.D.

"Hey I got what you want it'll be extra for the rush."

"That's fine I have cash do you have everything I requested?"

Silence.

"Cecil I'm not fucking around."

"Look man documents are a lot harder –"

"I know that asshole that's why I came to you. You know what I used to do."

"Yeah me and the rest of this great nation, that's my point, you're too recognizable okay? I did what I could but I don't guarantee this kinda deal Jayden."

"Fine I'll be there in twenty minutes I understand the difficulties."

He hung up and watched Wake leave the library. Two minions emerged from the stocks and followed after him. Jayden was certain there was at least one more specifically following him. He slipped out a back entrance and wriggled through alleys until he was pretty sure the tail was gone then started toward Cecil's. It took him a little over thirty minutes so Cecil was jumpy as hell when Jayden finally arrived.

"You're gonna get me pinched you prick." Cecil stammered.

"No I won't here's the money." Jayden said and slipped a heavy envelope to the forger.

"Look Norman you're a good guy and I didn't mean to give you shit yeah know?"

"It's fine Cecil do you have my things?"

The nervous man handed Jayden a battered shoe box, Jayden looked inside handed Cecil the lid and began removing the contents. Three passports, and two sidearms.

"They're clean?"

"Yeah clean numbers are filed too. Look Jayden I don't know what the hell is going on man I'll help you out but just…don't bring me any heat okay?"

"Relax Cecil." Jayden said and left.

When he got home Ethan was dozing on the couch. He entered quietly and put the papers in Madison's desk then removed one of the side arms from his waistband – a terrible place to keep one – and knelt by Ethan.

"Hey, Ethan, wake up." He whispered. Ethan's eyes fluttered and opened.

"Jay –"

"Shh, it's okay really I just…I have something for you. Please don't freak out it's a worst case scenario only." He pressed the handle of the weapon into Ethan's hand. Ethan went pale and nearly dropped it.

"Goddamnit Jayden you know –"

"You didn't kill Brad Silver Ethan but if someone is standing in front of you with a weapon you have to be able to defend yourself. Please."

Ethan closed his eyes, thought of the man begging for his life thought of the split second decision not to pull the trigger because he didn't have any more right to that man's life than the Origami Killer had to Shaun's.

Then Madison had been there and all his wounds and grief and fear hadn't mattered for those sweet moments and then…betrayal. He pulled away from Jayden the storm of remembered impulses mingling with his current shock and revulsion.

"Jesus Christ you aren't fucking around."

"No, I'm not. I'm not taking any chances, not with _you_."

"I god..okay okay I'll take it." Ethan said and sat forward on the couch. Jayden smiled in relief and got to his feet.

"I have passports for you in Madison's desk, top right drawer. I love you Ethan."

"Jay it's okay we don't know that any of this is necessary yet."

"I know but look the guy who did the papers, there's no one better on the east coast but…we're high profile he's worried that'll cause problems so try to use busy crossing points whenever you can okay? If…if you have to."

"Jayden what happened? You're acting like this is going to happen tonight."

"Wake wants me in a location two blocks south of here on Monday. I…I can't get out of it. I feel like there's an invisible net being pulled around us and I can't find the holes Ethan I… just be ready please? I want you three out of here tonight you can stay in town under your own names but…if you can get out of town and stay somewhere with cash that would be best. Pick up some disposable phones on the way."

"You're scaring the shit out of me Jayden, you think this is genuinely necessary?"

"No but if we don't do this – if we don't do this and something happens." He broke off unable to continue and hung his head.

"Hey shh." Ethan soothed and rubbed his back. "We don't know anything for sure okay? We'll leave as soon as Shaun gets home from school okay? It's going to be alright, we'll be alright."

All Jayden could see in his mind's eye was his own screaming face when his mother had mutilated him, Shaun's exhausted face disappearing under water, Madison's bike crashing and spilling her slim form into oncoming traffic.. every disaster he feared surmounted by three still figures lying in the rain as red blossoms bloomed in the puddles around them. He started to gray out.

Ethan slapped him hard and the world swam in to focus again.

"Breathe damnit." Ethan barked and pulled Jayden into a hug. Jayden closed his eyes and the images didn't come back.

"I can't lose you." He gasped as his breathing finally normalized.

"You won't idiot just stop freaking out. Look, I think we might be overreacting okay? We'll keep making preparations but we aren't leaving town tonight we'll pack and be ready to go Monday, okay?".

Jayden nodded shakily and and forced himself to smile.

Monday dawned bright and early. Norman walked his family to Ethan's car and said his goodbyes. Madison and Ethan were confident they were being over cautious but had decided to make the trip into an impromptu vacation. He watched them go and tried to believe it wasn't for the last time.

He went back upstairs, locked up and put his coat on. He looked around the apartment once more then turned off the main light and locked the door.

On his way out he stopped to lock the door between the office section of the lower floor and the stairwell leading upstairs. Someone had left a lamp on in the office so he paused to turn it off. He could almost feel the echoes of friendly voices. Sad and afraid he finally stepped out onto the street. As he walked it began to rain.


	23. Settle the Trap

Jayden adjusted his holster and tie in a singular gesture. One he hadn't used since his time in the Bureau. It came back like an old habit. He waited for the elevator to bottom out. Wake stood at his elbow. He was a dark man with warm brown skin and unsettling light blue eyes. He was striking and dangerous like a caged predator that knows how to get out of its cage at any time.

"I hope you find the accommodations satisfactory Mr. Jayden. As a security precaution most of the nuts and bolts of the program will be housed on the subterranean levels."

"Fine." Jayden said. He didn't like Wake, couldn't trust him, but respected his power and efficiency. As far as Jayden had ever known this building was on the cusp of foreclosure a few weeks ago. Now it was apparently a state of the art highly secure research facility. It was terrifying.

"You seem subdued this morning Mr. Jayden." Wake said as the elevator opened. The bottom floor was utilitarian and nearly silent. There was no receptionist's desk just hard tile and clean white walls.

"I'm fine."

"I see. Well this is the testing level this is where we will approve candidates and test new equipment…"

Jayden listened to Wake trying to memorize each room and keep a mental map of the facility while tracking Wake's tour. It took a lot of concentration. An hour later when they finished up at the ground floor Jayden was pretty sure about a quarter of the facility hadn't been shown to him.

"Is this the only operation occurring here?" Jayden asked as Wake's tour wound down.

"Why yes, the ARI program is our most important project.

"Then why is a quarter of the facility left off your tour?"

Something flashed over Wake's face so quickly Jayden couldn't read it and was replaced by a bemused smile.

"Well, the areas close to the center of the facility are reserved for equipment storage and temporary living quarters."

"Very well, I'd like to see them. I need to know how the candidates, staff and guests will be housed."

Wake set his jaw and rocked back on his heels slightly then laughed.

"I'm sorry Mr. Jayden those areas are off-limits to all personnel outside of myself and one or two of my trusted colleagues."

"Was I unclear about my terms when we first met Wake?" Jayden said softly.

Wake bared his teeth in something that was absolutely not a smile.

"I know everything or I walk."

"Are you unclear as to what that may cost you?" Wake asked carefully.

"Ethan left me last night Mr. Wake. If you're threatening him have at it but leave the boy alone." Jayden spat. He surprised himself with the lie but felt a subtle truth to it.

Wake looked thoughtful.

"Very well those areas are still undergoing renovation they are planned to be storage and living quarters but are not finished yet."

Jayden figured it was still a lie but it would do for now.

The rest of the day was equally exhausting. Constant cat and mouse with Wake and endless information dumps. He left with his briefcase filled with old and new personnel dossiers.

He walked to the loft and stood outside the building. He wondered what it was going to feel like to walk into that empty building. Hunching his shoulders he set his teeth and got to it.

Jayden told himself that his family was out running errands, that Shaun was staying late at school for a project and Madison was on a story….

He made a frozen dinner and sat on the couch. Turned on the TV for background noise and started sifting through files. Just before midnight his cell rang.

"Jayden." He answered.

"It's me."

"Hang on." Jayden said feeling a weight lift from his shoulders. It had to be Ethan. He grabbed his coat and went downstairs. Outside he started walking and took the phone off hold.

"This won't be much safer."

"Was it worth it?"

"Yes." Jayden said emphatically as he recalled Wake's threat from earlier in the day.

"Jesus."

"I love you, listen. You have to go dark don't call me you know my back up email, if you have to get a hold of me use that. Give it at least a month then call again from a new line, okay?"

"Be safe Jay whatever the fuck else happens it doesn't matter just stay alive, stay safe."

"I love you too." Jayden said then ended the call.

"Ethan?" Madison asked fear in her voice.

"Ah shit he said…he said running was a good call and not to contact him for a month unless it's an emergency and then to use his back up email. Fuck."

"We can't let him go dark Ethan." Madison said emphatically.

"What do you suggest?" He asked hoarsely. They were standing at a pay phone in front of a 24 hour convenience store four hours outside the city.

"I need to make some calls from a different phone." Madison said and glanced over Ethan's shoulder at Shaun asleep in the car.

"We need to find a place to stay." Ethan sighed.

"Right, then I'll call, we're not leaving him alone with Wake."

Three days later Jayden had whittled the list of candidates down to a dozen he was comfortable with. He was running low on sleep focused on making sure no one died during this phase of ARI's accursed development and keeping Wake off his ass and away from the people he loved.

Wake watched Jayden from across the reception area on the main floor. As the days passed more personnel arrived from janitorial and administrative staff to security, on the fourth day Lovell and the rest of the medical team arrived with the ARI developers in tow.

Lovell was quiet and pale when he saw Jayden. Norman made a point of cornering the physician as soon as possible. He managed to get him alone on an elevator.

Jayden leaned forward and hit the emergency stop button on the elevator.

Lovell sighed and faced Jayden.

"I have questions." Jayden said evenly.

"I don't have any answers Norman."

"Wake says people have died, a _fucking lot_ of people Lovell."

"I helped you find out about your mother –"

"No, you never returned my call Lovell. So now you are going to help me because your hands are bloody. First do no harm Lovell."

"Fuck you Jayden." Lovell said wearily.

"No thanks, you're not my type. I want to know what the fuck has been going on since I left the program."

"Since you were forced out." Lovell said and sighed.

"I like your attention to detail." Jayden growled.

"ARI was dead in the water after the last failure, only you and Amber are still standing. It was … it shouldn't have happened. We had so much data from the first trial to rely on no one could have guessed at the long term impact of ARI."

"Were my symptoms due to ARI or tripto? Do you even know?"

"Honestly? No. But that doesn't mean you can use Tripto Norman it's still going to kill you –"

"I know. Wake is convinced I'm the messiah of ARI is he right?"

"I don't know, none of us do, you and Amber are the only long term stable participants –"

"Amber…Amber who? Marklane?"

"Yes, from your Texas case."

"She never said anything about ARI –"

"She joined the program after that case she was inspired by your performance."

"Why are you still involved with this?"

"I could say it's the money but I'm terrified of Wake. You've only seen the carrot his stick is …bad."

"What did he do to you?"

"Nothing, he doesn't have to."

Jayden backed off and hit the button for the next floor. Lovell was a wreck he clearly wasn't a co-conspirator more like another victim. If Norman pushed him too hard he would go to Wake or worse he might just crack and take off or hurt himself.

As Jayden settled back on his heels and waited for the elevator to start moving he noticed Lovell's hands shaking as he adjusted his suit coat.

"What does he have on you?"

"It doesn't matter Norman. Look, you're smart toe the line and get ARI working then leave, go far far away from Wake." Lovell said softly and exited as the elevator doors snapped open.

Jayden watched him go and let the doors close before hitting the button for the lowest public floor.

His head hurt and he was afraid. Afraid he had sent his family away for good, afraid he hadn't sent them away soon enough, afraid of Wake and afraid he would fuck up and more people would be sacrificed to ARI.

So he took a deep breath and stepped off the elevator. He had work to do and not much time to do it.

By that evening the list was down to ten. Wake wasn't happy he had wanted a larger pool but Jayden wouldn't budge. Ten people, ten lives, ten people with varied backgrounds that had required physical and mental toughness and determination. Their performance evaluations ranged from exemplary to borderline and their specialties ran a similar gamut from evidence control to security to anti-terror. They were neatly divided between men and women and aged between their mid-twenties and late forties. Wake couldn't make heads or tails of the selection.

"If you threw a dart –"

"Run them by your other expert Wake, twenty bucks says she approves."

"What criteria did you use?"

"That's my secret to tell once ARI proves out."

"No deal."

"You know what wasn't part of our deal? You listening in on my phone line, me having to send my family away – don't pretend you don't know. Our deal was no tails Wake you fucked that up so here's the new deal."

Wake glowered at Jayden, his manicured hands nearly curling into fists then he smiled, a real smile, and nodded.

"Good."

"Good? Fuck you Wake." Jayden snarled.

Wake kept smiling.

"My people insisted that settling down would gentle you Jayden. I'm pleased to see they were very very wrong."

Norman's nostrils flared and his face reddened but he kept his mouth shut.

"So you know what buttons to push congratulations Wake, I'm not a very complicated man. I'm going to do this job and do it well not for you or even my family but to keep these people alive. I don't see ARI as a fantastic investment opportunity or the next whiz bang technological marvel. I see it as what it is, a tool, a tool that in the right hands can save countless lives. Of course in hands like yours it could also destroy countless lives. I'm not very complicated but I had my secrets a gay ex-junkie knows the ins and outs of keeping a personal life secret more than the average joe. I know what you and people like you could turn ARI into. I'm not blind or stupid and I'll do my level best to make sure your shitty backdoor plans fail utterly. I'll get ARI working Wake but along the way I'm going to do my level best to ensure you can't use it to rule through fear and shame."

"Quite a speech Mr. Jayden." Wake said smugly. "But understand this Mr. Jayden, I know exactly who and what you are. My people have run down every fact and detail about you. I knew about your lunatic mother's attempt to mutilate you to death before you did. I know every dark and twisted secret you hid from even yourself. You're an open book. The reason you're here is exactly what I said when we first met. Get ARI working and save lives. If I want dirt on individuals, companies, governments I already know where to dig."

Jayden's anger had dulled to fearful resentment as Wake spoke. Wake took a step closer to Jayden and kept talking.

"There's no grand conspiracy here Norman because there doesn't need to be. I have you if I want you but I don't give a damn about you outside this job. If I wanted to hurt your family I could do that very easily thirty minutes and I would have their current location. Thirty minutes. I'm not a cartoon villain. I want to use ARI to make human lives better and make a ridiculous amount of money in the process. Understood?" Wake said with a smile.

"Why all the threats and ridiculous behavior?"

"I wanted to see what you were made of. A man with your history and reputation…well, I'm putting a great deal of money into this program and you're the ace up my sleeve. It's nice to know if the ace is a liability."

"You're a first class bastard."

"Yes I am. Anything else?"

"No." Jayden growled feeling his metaphorical wheels spin. He watched Wake as the man sauntered off smiling to himself.

Was it true? Had Wake been fucking with him from the beginning? It would explain his ridiculous posturing and vaudeville villainy. What the hell kind of test had it been? And why? If Wake was being honest with his claims –which Jayden had to admit he probably was – then what was he trying to determine? Clearly Jayden was stable he had a family and a semblance of health… so what was Wake doing?

Jayden returned to his office, his steps slow and methodical as he mulled over Wake. It didn't make sense. If Wake hadn't had Jayden's full history then running a bullshit cage rattle con like that would be, well, extreme but at least logical. As it was either Wake was an impulsive but methodical sadist or what? Another motive?

Jayden sat at his desk and thought about calling Ethan. As much as he would love to hear that familiar voice he decided Madison would be the better choice. Madison was sharp, analytical, and she had contacts. Besides if he heard Ethan's worried voice now he knew he would beg him to come back to the city.

"Madison?"

"Norman? What happened?" Madison asked while pacing in front of the motel they had chosen. She had gone out to the car to move it to another parking slot, a pointless precaution she knew but it made her feel better. Now she paced in front of a stranger's door.

"Wake... I'm not sure to be honest. He claims this whole thing has been I don't know, a joke or something." Jayden sighed and explained what had happened.

"That's bizarre." Madison summed up once Norman had finished.

"Right something stinks. I don't want you back here…yet. Can you do some more digging?"

"Sure but you're the profiler Norman. Figuring out a screwball billionaires mindfuckery is more your purview than mine."

"I think I'm too close to it. Just…let me know what you find out, use the backup email."

"Where are you calling from?"

"A hideous bar." Jayden sighed.

Madison laughed.

"Be safe Madison, safe and paranoid I don't know what the fuck is going on and I don't like it."

"That makes two of us, the moment you get spooked take off Norman, promise me."

"I promise. God do I ever promise I'd leave now but I'm not sure if that would make things worse –"

"If you can get ARI functioning it would save lives. That's the real reason Norman it's okay to say it out loud. You feel obligated and I don't blame you. Still."

"Right. Obligation." Jayden sighed. He was getting a long look from the bartender whose phone he was coopting.

"I have to go Madison I told the bartender here I needed to call my mechanic –"

"You're such a shitty liar Norman, okay but be careful damnit."

"I will, I love you." He said and hung up.

Madison looked at her phone and felt her cheeks flush.


	24. Breathe

Love.

Madison slowly lowered her phone and looked across the rain damp expanse of the motel parking lot. On the other side sat a muddy bog that claimed to be a pond. Shaun was at its edge with Ethan. If she concentrated she could just barely hear the rise and fall of their voices.

Love had brought them to this. Romantica, familial, friendship...every flavor of love. Now they were running scared and why?

Because Norman loved them but couldn't harden his heart to the faceless unnamed yet to be victims of a future monster, a monster ARI could stop. Love of the innocent.

She spat on the concrete and watched as the thin rain diluted and smoothed it away. Sometimes she wondered what it would be like to be single again.

_with only your nightmares to keep you cold at night_

She shivered and started across the parking lot. Halfway to her men a car shot in front of her going at least thirty flinging rooster tails of rainwater in its wake. She stagger-stepped backwards and flung her arms out like a cartoon to keep her balance. She tripped on a crack in the asphalt and fell forward. She heard a shout ahead of her and before she could get to her feet Ethan was there.

His hands, his strong arms, his worried eyes and behind him Shaun's shouts. Hot tears on her cheeks, sharp ache in her joints from falling to the unforgiving pavement. All clamoring and filling her world crowding out the anger and fright.

Love. Love made it worth it and love made it hurt.


	25. Commence the Second Movement

Birds soared over the dank puddle of the 'lake' silhouetted in a brightly gray sky. One, a predator judging by the size, was being harassed by three smaller birds.

Together they spun, pinwheeled, dove, darted and churned in the bleak sky. The only signs of life, high above the apparently lifeless pool of stagnant gray toned water masquerading as a lake.

Madison Paige watched the birds passively. She was sitting in a plastic chair next to a chipped plastic table. A cool breeze drifted through the parking lot stirring weather battered trash.

Her hands burned under a layer of ointment covering the scrapes from her fall in the parking lot. A pack of cigarettes lay on the table, unopened, next to a brand new bic lighter. Behind her in their room Shaun slept late while Ethan re-wrote an email to Norman that he was probably never going to send.

She reached for the cigarettes and was surprised when her hand didn't shake. She opened it and patiently lit one. Struggling briefly with her battered hands.

She took a deep lungful of the familiar smoke and closed her eyes. A memory flickered, hot sand, fear sweat, the stink of blood rotting in the light of a desert sun…

She let out the breath and looked back toward the water.

The birds were still tumbling and darting. As she took a deep lungful of smoke and held it the large bird broke away and gained altitude until it faded into the sky.

The smaller birds descended toward the water, disappearing into the bushes and grass ringing it. Far off some unknown creature, likely another bird, let out a mournful ululating cry and fell silent.

She took another thoughtful drag on the cigarrette. The familiar deadening of senses as the tar coated her tongue and stung her lungs overriding her worries. She closed her eyes to savor it. Behind her the door opened.

She sensed more than heard Ethan's familiar steps. She did hear him settle into the second plastic chair. She opened her eyes and studied his profile.

He was haggard but had managed to shave. Dark circles hung under his beautiful eyes, the sight snapping her back in time to the dark fall days of Shelby's reign of terror. She closed her eyes and took a shaking drag on the cigarette.

"I didn't know you'd ever smoked." Ethan said into the dull heavy air.

She stifled an urge to be nasty to him, to point out that there was a fuckton about her he didn't know.

"I don't like being weak." She said softly and tapped ash onto the battered sidewalk.

Ethan leaned back in his chair, she listened to the old sun weakened plastic groan and settle under his weight.

"I don't think anyone will ever accuse you of that." He replied looking across the lot and out at the water.

She wondered if he had left something unsaid, some implied insult but shook the suspicion from her mind. She was in an ugly vicious mood that served no one. She pushed the cigarettes toward him instead.

He looked at the pack and the ghost of a frown flicked between his eyebrows. She knew that look. It was one that came and went as he struggled with himself. Eventually he looked away from the cigarettes.

"I quit in college." He sighed.

"He's okay." Madison ventured her voice strong.

Ethan didn't reply. She finished the cigarette, thought about taking a second then settled for tossing the butt into the lot where she'd nearly been rundown hours before.

"Ethan…" She said then failed to find a way to continue. What did she want to say? Near-death wasn't a new experience for her. So why was she quietly panicking and trying to drive Ethan away?

_I love you_

She blinked and realized tears were rolling down her cheeks. SHe looked across the table at Ethan. He was still watching the water. The sun was lowering, it would be dusk soon and then dark.

He looked at her, meeting her eyes. She looked into his for a few long seconds and then he rose and knelt in front of her. She leaned into him and as the tears fell her bitterness and terror crested and died away.

* * *

><p>He worked alone, late. Amber Marklake had stopped by to say goodnight. He had been brusque, professional, and coldly polite. With no way to know if she had an agenda or, like Lovell, was firmly under Wake's thumb he didn't dare trust or confide in her.<p>

She had gone away perplexed and possibly offended but he didn't care. They worked well together and he didn't need further distractions or liabilities.

When he left the building was deserted. His footsteps echoed in the dimly lit hallways as he made his way out of the warren. He felt his loyalties were already divided. He wanted to run away with his family and never look back - an impossibility, he wanted to kill Wake and burn the building to ash, he wanted to stay, fix ARI and keep the candidates alive, mostly he wanted to be away from the whole goddamn mess.

He shrugged his suit coat into place and rolled his wrists then picked up his briefcase again and left the lobby. Behind him, in the shadows someone moved, watched his careful exit, and smiled.

As Norman faded into the parking lot and presumably to the sidewalks beyond leading him home Wake wondered how long he would need to wait before the trap was sprung. He licked his lips and returned to the shadowed halls.

Wake was a ghost, a melodramatic punchline to a cheesy macabre joke that no one would laugh at. Igor to the faceless force behind it all. He was six degrees of best served cold vengeance and only he knew it. This made him very happy.


End file.
